day 14: grass.

today has been one of those days. and it’s really been one of those days for my love… it’s just that when she feels bad, so do i. you know how that goes, right? you just wanna protect and make everything right for the one you love, but you’re helpless. there’s nothing you can do. so, you feel bad too. or, a more positive way of looking at it, i guess, can be that you share the pain. still, even when you bear some of the pain, it doesn’t seem like it makes anything easier. ugh.

the grass this morning looked springy and nice. like the unwritten day was full of possibilities. but, nothing about today now feels sunny and green. the possibilities of the morning turned into major challenges as the day went on. i know that tomorrow is a new day, and i’m counting on the newness of the day, hoping that it brings with it some calm, peace, and relaxation instead of disappointment and heartbreak.

nothing has been easy about today. today has been mean, heartless, depressing, and tough. the thought of a quick reward, something to make me happy in the moment, or at least the super near future, is what i think i want. yeah. i think i don’t want challenges. i want the easy way out, right? but, then again, maybe not. to wait, to hold on, to know that in the end, holding out, fighting, believing, and staying focused will bring a much deeper joy gives me the strength to keep going & a desire to stick with it. we can’t always get what we want when we want it. or maybe we can. but, to scrounge up enough patience & courage to go through the pain, instead of around it… that brings true peace. real joy. deep happiness. and that is what i truly want.

so, tuesday. i believe that you will be better. i hope & pray that you will be better. for me & for my love. please… you just have to. becauseugh. monday. you have not been kind.

true. it will be worth it. it’s just so hard right now.

peace (calm in the midst of chaos).


13 comments

  1. Oh honey I’m sending you and Lina a massive portion of love, hope and comfort! I hope all will sort itself out and yes there’s nothing worse than seeing your loved one suffer not being able to do anything. But you know even though you feel helpless and useless and don’t know what to do or say. Your pure presence makes the pain easier to bear! lots of love

  2. Barb

    Days like that are no fun!!! In my experience the distance of a good night’s sleep usually makes things feel better even if they haven’t changed. Hope and pray that is the case for Lina and you.

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