leaving the shoreline.

isn’t yoga supposed to calm you?

well, tonight all it has done is revealed to me that i feel a little “off” right now. i couldn’t focus at all during my class. at the same time, i wasn’t freaked out about the fact that i couldn’t concentrate.

perhaps it’s just tonight i feel like this. or perhaps it’s a longer phase. a week. or more? oh god, i hope not. i don’t feel bad or upset or even anxious. just a little unbalanced. uninspired. and like i’m waiting for something. is it because i am another year older? of course, i am sure that this feeling is exactly what i need right now, that it’s a step to growing deeper, & learning more. still, i don’t like it.

and on top of that, my blog (i admit it) is worrying me. readership down + not knowing what to blog about = one unsatisfied liz. things haven’t been the same since i got back from ireland. being away from my blog for 4 days really affect my readership that much? did i lose people just because i took time for myself & was off the grid? really? after only 4 days? or is it the other way? do i blog too much? am i not interesting? i know, i know. i have to keep reminding myself, i blog for me. and i truly do blog for me. but, this blog has grown, so i actually do blog for others now – not to make others happy, but as an offering of myself, as a way to try to bring inspiration back to people who inspire me.

so, what the hell is going on? where are all of you?

yeah. it’s time for some soul-searching, i think. time for close the lap top and let myself just be. time to let go of the routine perhaps. maybe i’ll keep blogging everyday. then again, maybe not. will you follow me or wait for me? i don’t know. i thought i had something to offer, but maybe i need to get back to my grassroots self. simplify. reconnect with my handwriting. read a book. be creative. i need to nest a little. i’m not leaving, or even taking a break. but, i’m letting myself feel more free. i’m untying my rope from the dock & setting sail. i’m gonna dig deep into my creative self, and begin to feel exactly what i feel. and, i’m not completely comfortable with that, but what would life be without risk, challenge, and fear of the unknown?

the winds of change are blowing in my life, and it’s time i stop & feel the wind. listen to the breeze. and let my boat sail where the wind blows me. let my life be like leaves fluttering to the ground, landing where they will. i wonder where year number 38 will take me…

pic from pinterest

may you find your own courage and set sail. peace.

14 comments

  1. I’m not sure where everyone is but I still think your posts are just as much an inspiration and comfort as ever! Do what you need to do to get your peace of mind back :)

  2. Awww, I wouldn’t get discouraged by the (lack of) leadership. Look at my blog – you and another girl are pretty much the only ones commenting but I still post 2 to 4 times a week. Blogging not only for yourself but also to inspire others is a wonderful goal, I find. But at the same time you cannot have your writing be influenced and made dependent upon your readers. They will come and go, it’s a constant flow. I enjoy reading your posts. I might not have time every day to seep through one blog after another but I like to take my time and comment on sth I think is comment-worthy.

    Then again, I also use my blog as a reference to past writings. I have actually gotten really good feedback on German-American abroad from real-time journalists, and that makes me proud somehow. Don’t give up blogging because your readers piss you off or because you doubt yourself. Cut back because you need more time for yourself, that’s understandable. But I wouldn’t abandon the wonderful project you have started – you never know where it might lead you, Liz!

    • liz

      Laura, you are so right. I work really hard to not let my stats influence my thoughts & my blogging, but yesterday i don’t know what happened. it just was bugging me. great advice to just go with the flow and see how things go up & down. it may not be me, as you say, but just a busy life for others. btw, i love how you comment! :)

      thanks for the support & for the pep! i will most definitely give up, but use this moment of uncertainty to thrust myself forward. and yes, who knows what this will lead to!?!

      xx

  3. Idk Liz. Maybe go back to your most popular/viewed/commented posts & try to work out the common thread? I’m still waiting for the rest of your little series- as in, how you met Lina, what that was like after leaving your marriage, how you broached it with your family/friends, what you may have gone through with regards to your faith, etc…Your photographs are popular, I notice- maybe offer some photo technique tips? I’m also thinking that more writing about the move to another country would be favourably received- based on how interested people here are about my own story (the trials & tribulations).

    So yeah, those are a few ideas- I’m sure you’ll come up with more. No worries, you’re going through a dry patch is all. Stay positive! :)

    Tracy

    • liz

      YOU are so full of such great advice, girl! Love it! I have been going through my stats and popular things today and I’m still working to see a pattern. I really want to write more about me & lina, but i don’t make the time for it. i admit it. it seems to take so much longer than the daily, quick reflective posts i do. those are so easy. maybe i need to truly set aside a time every day to focus on my story. thanks for the motivation!

      as for my photos, i had never thought about offering tips & such. what a cool idea! feels good that i may be in a place to offer tips. :)

      super, super inspiration!!! thank you!

  4. Sometimes there are just days when it seems like not so many are reading. Sometimes I don’t hear from a bunch of my regular readers for a few days and then all of a sudden there they are — sometimes they’ve just been away or moving or something. Your blog is good, don’t worry. They come, they go, then some more show up… I’ve found that often the posts that are most dear to me and about which I hope to get a dialog are barely noted and others that I feel I wrote by rote get lots of feedback and views. For me it’s rare that I write one that feels both absolutely inspired and draws a lot of attention. So I try to watch the stats from a kind of Zen view of watching it ebb and flow without getting attached to which way it has moved…

    • liz

      thank you so much for your faithful readership, and for reminding me that life gets in the way for readers too, not just us as writers.

      you are so so so right! many times the posts that i slave over & anticipate tons of feedback on, get next to nothing. while, random posts that i feel i haven’t thought much of get much more feedback. crazy how that works! and yes, a zen attitude is something great to have. i’m gonna remember to take it as it comes, and not overanalyze. :)

  5. Pingback: things that make my heart skip a beat. « just be. love all. live life.

  6. Hey there Liz, I hope you’ve got your groove back…like you said, it probably does come down to the question of what you want to get out of it – which is a pretty personal thing, really. And maybe it does change? For me, it is as much about the interaction as it is the writing, so I couldn’t possibly write everyday. Likewise, I’m not always able to read every post, either. But I try to at least scan and comment where relevant, and enjoy keeping in touch with people who get a little personal, because it gives me something to relate to…Your story is what drew me in initially, your photos, your spirituality…Stay on the journey, Liz, and enjoy the ride – wherever it takes you :)

    • liz

      thank you for your comment, alarna. it’s great to hear why people read my blog… gives me something to reflect on. and you’re right, why we write & blog is a very personal thing, we all have our reasons, and they do change over time (at least for me they have changed). i will keep on writing and discovering!

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