isn’t yoga supposed to calm you?
well, tonight all it has done is revealed to me that i feel a little “off” right now. i couldn’t focus at all during my class. at the same time, i wasn’t freaked out about the fact that i couldn’t concentrate.
perhaps it’s just tonight i feel like this. or perhaps it’s a longer phase. a week. or more? oh god, i hope not. i don’t feel bad or upset or even anxious. just a little unbalanced. uninspired. and like i’m waiting for something. is it because i am another year older? of course, i am sure that this feeling is exactly what i need right now, that it’s a step to growing deeper, & learning more. still, i don’t like it.
and on top of that, my blog (i admit it) is worrying me. readership down + not knowing what to blog about = one unsatisfied liz. things haven’t been the same since i got back from ireland. being away from my blog for 4 days really affect my readership that much? did i lose people just because i took time for myself & was off the grid? really? after only 4 days? or is it the other way? do i blog too much? am i not interesting? i know, i know. i have to keep reminding myself, i blog for me. and i truly do blog for me. but, this blog has grown, so i actually do blog for others now – not to make others happy, but as an offering of myself, as a way to try to bring inspiration back to people who inspire me.
so, what the hell is going on? where are all of you?
yeah. it’s time for some soul-searching, i think. time for close the lap top and let myself just be. time to let go of the routine perhaps. maybe i’ll keep blogging everyday. then again, maybe not. will you follow me or wait for me? i don’t know. i thought i had something to offer, but maybe i need to get back to my grassroots self. simplify. reconnect with my handwriting. read a book. be creative. i need to nest a little. i’m not leaving, or even taking a break. but, i’m letting myself feel more free. i’m untying my rope from the dock & setting sail. i’m gonna dig deep into my creative self, and begin to feel exactly what i feel. and, i’m not completely comfortable with that, but what would life be without risk, challenge, and fear of the unknown?
the winds of change are blowing in my life, and it’s time i stop & feel the wind. listen to the breeze. and let my boat sail where the wind blows me. let my life be like leaves fluttering to the ground, landing where they will. i wonder where year number 38 will take me…