my something beautiful from today: our friends’/lina’s “brother’s” newborn baby girl’s hand. we’re aunts again. yippee!
good evening, good people.
well, it’s the last night of may 2012, and the birth of a beautiful baby girl into the family has gotten me thinking about beginnings & endings… wow. what a may it has been. i know i’m gonna sound cryptic & mysterious, but you’ll just have to excuse me. i’m not ready to talk about everything that’s happened. but just know that this may has been like no other i’ve ever experienced. it has, in fact, been the hardest time in my life so far, i do believe. and i know that it’s not fair to type out those words here & then not reveal what has happened, but as i said, i just can’t. i’m not ready. but, one day i will be. for now, i’ll leave you hanging. still, i have a few reflections & things i need to say.
yes, may is coming to a close. and i’m so thankful. of course there have been some beautiful moments, and i have tried to reflect them here, with my little photo a day challenge. but, to be honest, i am so ready to move onto june. you know, though, the photo challenge has been really good for me. the past few months have given me a chance to get in the groove of snapping photos every day, figuring out ways to create an image of whatever word i was faced with that day, and getting my creative juices flowing. but, this month, i dare say that the photo challenge saved my sanity. i had something every day forcing me to find something beautiful, creative, and lovely in it. and, you know what? i always did.
you know, it’s amazing. no matter what i am going through – and i say “i”, because i can only speak for myself – i find that, if i put my mind to it, if i let myself think & breathe for just a moment, then i will find something beautiful every day. something to be thankful for. something to soak in. something to touch my soul. something to remind me of the hope that is always there. something to point me in the direction i want to go. something to connect me with my love.
as may comes to a close, i just have a few things to say to you all. life is difficult and so scary that it feels as if you will be lost in a dark hole, never to be found. but, i guarantee that there is something beautiful to be found with the rising of the sun each day (because the sun does rise. every day). and, if you are as lucky as me to have someone to share it with, then hold onto that love. don’t take it for granted, and love like there is no tomorrow. trust yourself to be stronger than you ever imagined. you can & will survive more than you ever thought possible. and, on your way, in the midst of the darkness, slow down just enough to feel all the pain, sadness, & fear… and then, remember that you are not alone. remember that there is a tiny crack providing one sliver of light. and never, ever stop being you.
dear month of may, you have been a challenge (that’s an understatement). but, as i live & breathe in these last few minutes of you, i feel strength & hope because i have survived you. tomorrow is a new day. a new month. a new hope. and even though all the difficulty has not disappeared, maybe it’s become a little less daunting. in any case, i welcome you, june. bring with you sunshine, light, life, hope, and a new beginning. i beg of you. however, no matter what comes my way, i will face it, and i will find myself on the other side, waiting for july to come rushing in, in a mere 30 days. in the meantime, i will continue to click away with my camera… capturing those beautiful moments that pop up randomly and unexpectedly in life. i will continue to allow myself to seek beauty & snap photos… no matter what june brings.
what an amazing gift it is to find art every day, even in the dark.
my photo a day may pictures. something beautiful every day.
yep. count me in. here we go again! you are gonna join me, aren’t you? if not to take pictures, then to come back & check out mine, right?
may beauty follow you everywhere you go. peace.
“but just know that this may has been like no other i’ve ever experienced. it has, in fact, been the hardest time in my life i do believe.”
You mean, the hardest time “so far”… I say that in the nicest sense of the term. I almost never say, out-loud, that something has been the “most” or “worst”- just out of an insane feeling of “jinxing” myself- lol. Like, “oh, you think THAT was hard?”…Seriously though Liz, the old adage, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is true. You have a nice support group around you so you’re very fortunate there. You have a wonderful outlook- hang onto that. Never let someone else cause you to doubt yourself…that’s where you run into real trouble. Ok, I’m babbling & trotting out cliches like mad- time to go. 🙂
Thanks for a great blog, your honesty, & brilliant photos!
you are so right, tracy. of course, i meant “so far”. i have now added it into my text. there have been many difficult times in my life, and there will be many more. but, of course, so far what i have been going through this past may has been the most difficult to date. and i am true believer in all of the things that happen to us (good and bad) make us who we are. someone once asked me if there were things i regret or have failed at in life, and i said. no. bold, i know. but, i would not change anything, because i am exactly who i am today because of every moment i have lived. of course, i would have loved to have been more wise when i was younger, or know what i know now… but then, without all those experiences, i would be who i am or know what i know now. get my drift?
thank you for your comment. and thanks for reading. i am humbled by your kind words!
I know exactly what you mean L. I would love to cherry-pick my bad stuff & only keep the good- but it doesn’t work like that, does it? I want to have my kids, but never have met their father- oops…nope, that won’t work. I want to not have had to go through a nail-filled, glass-shard ridden wringer later with my ex here~ but, in saying that, I know a lot more now. I know how to “see” certain red flags that I couldn’t before, I learned how strong I am, I showed my kids how to deal with a bad situation in the most humane way. I guess it’s like is said, when you face difficulty it helps you to remember to appreciate & to be grateful for the good stuff. Don’t you forget the good stuff Liz, k? 🙂
No way! I’ll never forget! You too. Deal?
Omg j & m are parents? Or is it not the blood brother? Also I’m very sorry you’re going through such a rough patch. Judging from all the bad things that I know that happened I can only try to believe how bad the things are you can’t write about. So I’m sending you an extra portion of love, hope, hugs, peace and happyness. X
It’s not j & m… but the non-blood brother. He & his girlfriend had a baby girl!!
Thank you for your thoughts & love… it means so very much to me. Love ya!