happy (halfway) new year!

this morning i realized that we are halfway through 2011. exactly today. something i read was titled “halfway resolutions” and i thought. crap. did i make any resolutions on january 1? and if i did, it is a sure sign that i have not kept them due to the fact that i cannot even remember if i made any or not. oops. i believe, though, that i did not make any… based on previous experiences of not keeping my promises to myself. why put myself through that stress and pressure? with that said, i have no resolutions to look back on & check up on my failures and successes. even if it is the halfway mark.

but, i do have dreams. and i do have goals. so, perhaps, instead of doing some self-bashing, did-i-follow-my-new year’s resolutions reflecting (which i can’t do anyway, since i have none), i’ll do some reflecting on my dreams. what are they? have any of them become reality? and if i have accomplished any of my dreams (which i have), i will give thanks for that – for it is an amazing thing to see one of your dreams become a reality. and i will keep dreaming…

i find it wonderfully perfect timing that, as i took a step back towards myself last night (which you can read about here), the next morning i wake up and realize that we are halfway through the year. it feels like a new start. perfect timing for a mini-new year celebration. as i wrote last night, it felt as if some circle was being completed, and something new was beginning. and then, just like that… i open my eyes this morning, realize the date, and understand that, in fact, some circle was completed. something new has begun.

i read a young woman’s blog post this morning, which reminded me of something. she has just returned from an amazing trip which has given her new inspiration, new experiences, and many new questions. about 16 years ago i went on this same trip as her and was left with similar impressions and questions. then, 4 years ago, i had the opportunity to go on the trip again, but this time as a leader. still, the same questions, but in a much different light, surfaced. questions like: “now what?” today, as i begin the second half of 2011, i hear that question rising again in my soul. “now what?” “what comes next?” and while i still don’t have an answer to that question, while there is still no crystal ball to reveal the future, or no booming voice from heaven telling me what comes next, i am much more comfortable with that question than i was when i first started pondering it 16 years ago.

there is nothing outside of me telling me what to do, who to be, where to live, where to go, or what comes next. but, there is my inner voice. i don’t need, nor do i believe, some holy, loud voice will come out of the clouds to affirm my next step in life. no, the holy voice comes quietly, from deep within. and it can only be felt (i don’t say “heard” on purpose) when i am quiet & still. that’s the voice that i found and felt last night. that’s the voice that brings me calmness & peace. that’s the voice that reminds me that i don’t need to know the plan, that in fact, i am not going to know that plan, and that the plan itself if not what’s important. it’s not just about the destination. it’s all about the journey.

as a 20 year old, on this trip that my young friend just experienced, i could have never guessed or imagined what the next 16 years would have in store for me. and i believe that it has more difficult and more amazing than i ever could have imagined. so, “what now?” or “what next?”. i don’t need to know. all i know is that i must be true to who i am. i must spend sometime in silence every day. and i must live life to the fullest!

ok, second half of 2011, come on! i’m ready for ya!

peace.