after weeks of utter chaos + craziness, i finally settled down just enough to meditate. yes, i haven’t done real, alone, focused meditation since the middle of december. since then, life has been a little bit out of the ordinary with houseguests, the holidays, a little trip, and a huge move across the atlantic. needless to say, i did not prioritize my daily morning rituals – and boy, has my soul felt it. however, i am not beating myself up over this at all. it was simply not possible. i did, of course, meditate in little bits + pieces, here + there. but, isn’t that the goal anyway? to make our whole lives one continuous state of meditation – and by meditation, i mean awareness and making every moment sacred, whether you are sitting with your eyes closed or busy doing other things. the goal, i believe, for me at least, is to be aware + connected to the sacredness of every moment. to discover and live in the beauty of the ordinary daily life that i live.
so, in a way, i think that is how i lived through the past month + a half. and i feel pretty proud of that. i kept my calm (mostly). felt my emotions, whatever they were. soaked in all of the moments as they came. and tried my best to live in the present moment.
however, that need to sit still and meditate alone, away from all distractions, on my pillow, with a candle, and music in my ears, still exists. i need that. and, i haven’t had it for a while now. until today.
this morning, i woke up and i just knew that today was the day. so, after making a cup of coffee + alerting lina that i’d be out of touch for about 20 minutes, i grabbed my journal, a pen, my headphones, iphone, my buddha statue + my mala beads and closed myself off in one of the bedrooms (which is doubling as our storage room right now) in lina’s parents’ home.
i found a little meditation {here} and sat down, legs crossed, hands in lap, eyes closed. i listened and i breathed. i repeated the mantra: sat. chit. ananda. (existence. consciousness. bliss.) and i reconnected with my soul, with that which is deep within me. immediately it felt amazing. peaceful, you know? like returning to an old place that you haven’t visited in a while. a place that just “gets” you.
while i sat there, i felt not as if i was back in asheville, but i felt asheville. i don’t know how else to explain it. i felt myself, and i felt so connected with myself, that i knew that things had changed for me by living in asheville. i had grown and touched places in my soul that i’d never touched before. a little tear fell down my cheek and a smile came across my lips, and i knew that i brought all that i had learned with me here. to sweden. and it all felt connected. like a thread running through my life. so, i wasn’t sad, as if some part of my life was over. instead, i was amazed at how the story was continuing in a different setting. thank god, i finally slowed down to let my mind catch up.
like always in my meditations, i spent some time totally focused + some time with my thoughts wandering + flying all over the place. the thing is, i’ve learned to let them go a bit. let them fly + wander. let them come and then let them go just as easily as they come. it is in those thoughts that i sometimes have a little revelation, or feel a bit of inspiration. soon, after a while, i automatically go back to simply focusing on my breath again, totally lost in my meditation/mantra. that is, until another thought creeps in.
today’s creeping in was in direct opposition to the meditation i was listening to. while i had heard a little about learning to be carefree, about trusting the universe and knowing that everything that i need i already have, my mind decided to throw the fear of my joblessness up in my face. i let that fear pass, and moved onto this blog + teaching. and, suddenly, something great came to me – a feeling of certainty and inspiration. a reminder that i am a teacher, that i can use my words + photos to teach. and then, poof. the thought was gone. but, obviously it stayed with me. there was no concrete anything. but, there was a spark and a nudge to keep following my dreams.
yes, it was a rich, motivational meditation time this morning. i ended feeling full and at peace. and totally motivated. empowered, my friends. meditation empowers. go visit your inner space. you’ll realize that that is where you find your home.
“I visited many places,
Some of them quite
Exotic and far away,
But I always returned to myself.”
― Dejan Stojanovic
I just clicked through to the youtube and tried to read at the same time here, yeah, I can’t do that!!
Glad you had some great meditation time!
I’m soon want to have a search out for a led, youtube maybe, meditation/yoga series as my yoga teacher is taking some time out! I’lll have a root round on youtube now you’ve showed me the way!
Every morning that I need to find some meditation/yoga inspiration, it always takes a while. I have not yet discovered a website or place that I can easily go to every morning. So, I always have to add a little searching time into my allowed meditation time. 🙂 I’ll keep you posted if I find anything that’s great. You do the same?! xoxo
I just moved back to the west coast from east Tennessee and this post hit home 🙂 Learning what home is and knowing it’s inside, that’s big. Little bits of everywhere, everybody, and everything; that’s what makes life beautiful. Thank you for the inspiration!
Hi! Thank you for your comment! I am so glad that you found a bit of inspiration in this post. Good luck in returning to your west coast home!
Liz, if I learned anything in meditation it was to let the noise fall away. It’s loud and can’t be ignored, but it sounds like you’re there. ~James
You are so right, James. It is noisy out there. And sometimes noisy inside me… the only ting I can do is to continually show up and be in the silence (whether it is actually silent or not). But, on the days that my mind actually shuts down and my soul is set free, then I know that I am grounded. Thank you for your comment. Wishing you both the best!