i literally could not keep my eyes closed during my meditation this morning. i would close them, breathe deeply, and a few minutes later, i would realize that i was looking around my living room or staring out the window. i even took a few photos as the quiet, instrumental music played in my ears. every time i realized that my eyes were open + i was daydreaming or whatever, i quickly shut my eyes again and took 2 deep breaths, repeating the mantra of the day. and then, my eyes popped open all over again. repeat this for 20 minutes and you’ll know what my meditation experience was today.
ineffective? yes. what i needed in some mysterious way? perhaps.
the last 30 seconds of the meditation (which i didn’t know were the last 30 seconds) i suddenly had a feeling of presence and peace. i remembered that today is the beginning of holy week for christians around the world. and i felt my soul yearning for the familiarity of the rituals of this long, silent, mournful week. and then, i felt the presence of love within me, reminding me that i am not alone. that i am on a journey as well, a journey that leads through all kinds of terrain. and, if i want to be faithful to my journey (a faithful disciple in christian terms), then i must be prepared for the road that lies ahead – with all of its twists + turns. and, if i want to be faithful, then i remember to not give up. i remember that i am called to walk this road in life – a life of being true to myself and to who i am created to be. to be anything other than who i am, to do anything other that what i am called to do, is to miss out on the abundance and beauty that life has to offer.
this is the message of holy week. the road is long, tough, painful. and yet, there is beauty and grace all along the way as well. sharing in the sufferings and passions of jesus, of life, transform us into new people. with a new mission, a new way of seeing the world, a new way of being and loving and existing.
i came across this quote this morning, and i just new that i wanted to share it with you:
“No star stops burning in the sky because it isn’t a planet, it does what it needs to do, so must you. So be, and continue to be, until you realize what that truly means, because when you see what you really are, you start to see life differently. You were never meant to compete with those around you, you were meant to live life in a way that invites others to join you in this journey.
If you must rest along the way in your journey, choose a safe place with good company but do not stay there. Rest is good, but it is not our home. Our journey will be filled with many ups and downs, times of grief and hardship. You will have moments where you feel so alone, frightened, and confused. You will question why you chose this path in the first place; it is in those moments that you must find a quiet place to rest, to lay down and watch the stars. You have a long way to go, so learn to love the silence of the path and the still moments where all you feel is the beating of your heart. See the beauty of all that is around you, learn to appreciate that every living thing has a journey to take, and that sometimes they will be with you in your own path.
You have come so far, you have conquered mountains and valleys. You may feel weary now, so rest traveler, rest and know that when you have reached home, there is going to be real rest and joy, real peace and comfort, your tears will be wiped away and your burden taken off. You are so brave to wake up every morning, so full of courage when you make the choice to take a step and then another. May your feet always lead you to wonderful places, and your heart beat with a strength that only you can hold.
Keep walking, weary traveler, never go back; for the path that lays ahead is full of beautiful unknowns and wonderful secrets that yearn for you to discover and love. Keep walking, and know that you are walking a path that is good for you.” – T.B. LaBerge
my friends, no matter where you are, or what you believe, my wish for you is peace along your journey – a sense of who you are + who you are called to be. that who you feel you are in your soul, is how you are able to live your life. it is possible, friends. it is. keep dreaming. keep walking. keep believing.
onwards + upwards!