acceptance and yoga.

yoga

i think i used to be someone who always seemed happy, who always was happy, because i ignored my feelings for the most part. i worked instead. i read instead. i retreated into books instead. i relied on my faith instead. instead of what? instead of seeing the actual situation that was around me. i was good at ignoring things.

of course a part of me was actually happy. it’s not like my life was or has been horrible. not in the least. but, there were things, situations, that were not great. really tough and painful. still, i plugged right on. i remember my family and others asking me how i could be so freaking positive all the time. i couldn’t explain it. and while i hid behind my faith some, i also had (and still have) this deep, deep theological knowing that this world and all of us in it, were created in the image of beauty and peace. to be whole and healed. and even though things have gone crazy, and there is suffering and pain and confusion and really, really bad stuff, in the end (the end of what, i don’t know), true peace and beauty will win again. love wins. always. i have always believed that. and, therefore, i have always had hope. so there was (and is) truth to my happiness.

but, at one point, i relied on that hope, and those beliefs, so much that i refused to see and accept the situation i was in. i simply stopped feeling negative and bad things. i became incapable of feeling bad somehow, because it hurt too much. and i had no idea i was even doing this.

however, over time, i discovered all my feelings again. with the help of some honest friends and the courage to find someone to talk with, i found the courage to let all my feelings bubble to the surface. and i discovered the joy of feeling all of my feelings. the freedom it gives me. the more healthy i become when i let myself feel.

that was some six years ago. i can definitely say that learning to accept and feel the situation in which i find myself is not fun all the time, but it is way more fulfilling than living in la la land. it’s more honest. more real… which makes for a more true experience of living life.

yoga

today i went to a 2 hour yoga class. a special class offered by my yoga instructor centered around new beginnings, renewal, and cleansing the body and mind… symbolic of the season which we are in right now. for me, yoga has become part of my learning to accept. because acceptance has to do with the present moment. it’s not living in the past and dragging everything with us. it is not living for the future, always hoping that things will be better and ignoring today. no, the present moment is about being… well, present. accepting what is. feeling whatever feeling bubbles up.

yoga reminds me to center myself. to breathe. to simply be. accept what is and breathe through it.

sometimes the situation i find myself in in life is crappy. and sometimes it’s bliss. but, i seek to stay steady and calm no matter what, like a tree standing firm & strong, whether the wind fiercely blows through its branches or a calm breeze gently tickles its leaves. Β and one of the ways that i seek to obtain that balance and acceptance is through yoga. i have learned that only when we begin to accept things and live in the present moment, can we be ready to move forward. and if i want my dreams to come true, i gotta be ready & willing to move forward.

today, as i sat in my yoga class for two hours, cleansing my body and mind and soul, i let myself just be me. every time i let a breath out, i let go of all of the roles i play: wife, daughter, sister, writer, minister, teacher, friend… i just let me be me. just my body, soul, and mind together. nothing else. i gave myself that time. and i paid attention to my feelings… all of the them: joy, hope, excitement, fear, frustration, sadness, peace, love.

and in the end, after feeling my emotions, my body, my brain, & my soul found a place of peace and quiet. i felt balanced. energized. strong.

so, i’ve learned a lot in the past few years. and i think i understand a little bit more about true happiness. the kind of happiness that comes from within. happiness which comes from a soul that feels, a soul that is honest and accepting; and that, because of that honesty and acceptance, grows stronger and finds more inner peace as each day passes – come what may.

this peace i seek is how i deal with the days and periods in life that are not so great. this peace helps to stabilize me, ground me, and inspire me. this peace teaches me that to accept each moment as it is and to feel every emotion is so much more life-giving and freeing than simple happiness in good times. i have not conquered this inner peace, but it is part of my journey, and each day i hope that i become more and more whole, more Β and more true to myself.

my wish for you, is that you find that true, inner peace which comes from searching your soul and believing that you were created for a life filled with amazing, beautiful, dream-filled moments. you deserve that.

peace and happiness.

guest blog post: so touched & thankful.

lina

lina

Hey!

It’s Lina, Liz’s wife. The other day, Liz wrote a blog post titled “her words.”, where she wrote some about me, but also copied the text I wrote on my blog. It was really tough for me to write it all down, to see it in black and white, typed… and I was the one to type it. But, I did it, posted it, and had no idea how you readers would react or even if you would react or care. I know people close to me care, but I can never know if anyone will actually leave a comment and really show you care.

I’m blown away and deeply thankful for all the comments I have received, both here, but also on my blog (from you, belovelive-readers). I just want to thank you all for showing that you care. It means so much to me in my process of getting better so that one day I will be able to feel the freedom I’m longing for.

Thank you so much!!!

LOVE
Lina (lier.se)

on my plate.

my american-inspired sunday brunch on my plate today: scrambled eggs, bacon, & a clementin/tangerine.

well, my picture is literally what i had on my plate today; but i’ve also got a lot on my plate, figuratively speaking. a lot on my mind. lots of different things that take up space & time in my brain, causing me to loose focus sometimes. competing for attention. when i get so much on my mind, i can tend to lose myself in some way or another. at least that was how it was in my past life. but, i believe i learned that lesson (the hard way, of course). just having that awareness now makes it that much easier to not let that happen again.

instead, when i become aware of myself sliding back into the routine of feeling like i’m all over the place, i stop myself. take a breath. and do something that reconnects me with who i am. it also helps that my amazing wife is aware of my tendencies to forget myself, so she is constantly supporting, pushing, & challenging me to take care of myself, to enjoy the things that i love, to stay in touch with my soul. what an amazing wife!

anyway, after a pretty intense & busy week, ending with working at my old internship place last night until 2:00 am (the internship where i work with all kinds of teenagers out in the city), i was completely exhausted. i slept a little later than usual, but not so late. i enjoyed a lazy morning in bed and then made myself an american brunch just to celebrate my american-ness. this afternoon, i started to feel a headache creeping up, still felt drunkly tired from working so late, and within 30 minutes my headache was a full-blown migraine. you know, the kind where it hurts to look at any light or move your head in any direction kind of migraine. luckily my love got me a little medicine, and took care of me. at home this evening, my headache has completely disappeared, but i’m still taking it easy.

i am certain that my body has been speaking to me today…. saying for me to slow down. to take some hours to completely shut off and do nothing. so, i’m going to bed early, and planning a day of quiet rest tomorrow morning. gonna spend some relaxing time with my love later in the afternoon & then head with her to a musical tomorrow night. before that, nothing. i need to shut off my brain & my body. i’m listening to the little wake-up call i had today.

i’ve read 2 books in the past 2 weeks – not something i regularly do, and one of them has been amazing…. “traveling with pomegranates”. i am certain that i was meant to read it at this time in my life. the timing couldn’t have been any more perfect. i have a lot of notes & comments in the margins, so i’m gonna write them down & expand on them in my journal. i’m gonna meditate/do some yoga. i’m gonna drink lots of coffee and tea. perhaps watch a little downtown abbey, and sit in bed for hours.

it’s so important to remember to tap into my soul, to remember that i am free… free to be me.

so, though i have a lot on my plate, i feel like i’m balancing it all well. feels good to listen to what my soul needs. feels amazing to stay connected with myself. besides, what good am i to myself or to anyone else, if i don’t take care of me? for, it is only when i am still & silent that i can be emptied, and then filled again… ready to share myself with those i love and meet. it’s this little thing calling “being”. simply being who i was created to be. me. and when i tap into my being, then my doing naturally follows.

hope you find a little time to be free, to just be you, this next week. thoughts of love & peace coming your way…