i’m feeling all emotional + courageous at the same time: this new moon is inteeense

right smack dab in the middle of july we find ourselves under a new moon and in-between two amazing full moons. the first full moon was july 1/2. the second full moon (a blue moon) is july 31. and today, the 15th/16th, we have a powerful, crazy new moon looming over us.

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photo from google images

of course, when there is a new moon, you can’t see the moon in the night sky. which is always weird, i think. it feels like darkness takes over. but, just as the winter solstice is the darkest time of the year, the minute that the winter solstice arrives, more light is added to our days every single day until the summer solstice.

so the darkness of a new moon is actually the deliverer of light. get my drift?

from today until july 31, the moon will become bigger, fuller, and brighter every single night. illuminating all that is around us.

and if we look at this physical world phenomenon from an inner, spiritual point of view, the new moon could be considered a spiritual illuminator. a time to see what has come to light in our souls. what truth’s we have discovered. and where we are now headed with that light + truth.

but we will only see the truth if we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, think about what we feel, think about how others make us feel… etc. this new moon is the perfect time to reflect. to take a good honest look.

however, seeing at what has been illuminated, facing the truth, is not always like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, or discovering a soft puppy in a christmas package (not that either one of those things have ever happened to me). what i’m saying is that the truth can be tough to face.

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so, with this new moon, if we sit with ourselves, if we reflect on these truths in our lives that have come to light so far this year, we may just realize that there is some work to be done to align our lives with our souls. at least that bodes true for me.

i’ve read through some different astrological/spiritual articles, my favorite one to go to is always kate rose, and everything seems to be pointing out that this new moon, during this summer of love, is all about emotions, energy, healing, and intensity. appropriate, huh? sounds like something i want to avoid, to be honest with you. who needs drama + intensity + tough stuff (to be healed, one has to be hurt. am i right?) in the middle of a carefree summer?

still, this supposedly tough new moon brings to light some baggage that we may have been lugging around for a while, or some things that we need to leave behind. if you’re honest with yourself, don’t you have something that you just keep holding on to, that keeps getting in your way of living life to the fullest?! god knows i do.

you know, emotional scars, old wounds, fears, negative patterns. there’s just a bunch of old crap coming up to the surface to stare us in the face right now. question is, are we willing to stare back?

today, in the darkness of this new moon, we can turn inward, and  ponder those things. not easy, or fun. i know.

for me, i know what’s staring me in the face. i have got to stay dedicated to the path that i so desperately want, but i seem to keep sabotaging my own way by not fully committing. why i am doing this is simply because i don’t believe in myself enough. it’s just too much of a change, too much of a risk. but, i want it so badly. i know that i am meant for it. still, i’m scared.

i have done all the hard work of figuring out how i want to live out my purpose, or who i feel called to be and how i wish to live my life so that my soul is fulfilled, and in turn, so that i make a difference in the world. now, i just have to stick to going through the process of manifesting this vision. of making it reality.

but, as my love + i say: we hate processes.

getting there is the tough part that is facing me now. i want to be aware and then skip right to living out my dream. i wanna skip all of the hard work to get there. i know. i suck. but, i’m just being honest.

still, i can feel that it is time. there’s no denying it anymore. it’s time to release. time to let loose all of those feelings that we have deep within our hearts, all of those emotions that we keep locked up. they want to get out. they want us to be set free. and we want to express ourselves, we really do, even if we are scared because nothing else matters really except the truth within our souls.

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i was out in the swedish nature + off the grid last week, and during one of our morning meditation gatherings at camp, my emotions just spilled out of me. must have been all that fresh air.

i don’t know if anyone saw me, or noticed anything, but tears just streamed down my face. i wasn’t sad, or overwhelmed, or overjoyed. i just welled up with emotion and i had to let it out. not exactly a comfortable thing to do. but, i went with it.

in that moment, i was thinking about who i am. what i do. and all the pressure i feel to tell people “what i do”. when i know that what i do, my job, my title, my salary, my security, all of these things, aren’t important. they don’t define me or anyone else. but, the pressure from society to be able to answer with something specific (not prestigious or highfaluting, just specific) got to me. i felt weak and bad about myself, unable to say that i am a social worker or a teacher or a nurse or a server at mcdonald’s or anything else.

i answered that i am a writer, writing a memoir, which i am and i am. but, somehow, i felt that others were judging me as flaky (which they most definitely weren’t). and who am i to even care what others think?! ugh. sometimes i get so irritated at myself when i know better. so, overcome with emotion,  i cried.

i know my truth. i know how i can give to this world, and in what ways, and it’s high freaking time that i embrace that. and dedicate myself to it. screw what others think. screw how scary the unknown is. since when have i made decisions based on the societal norm or been held captive by fear when doing something?

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but, that is what this new moon is for. to call us to stand face to face with ourselves, and to decide whether to push forward and follow our bliss (like, i mean, finally, really, really follow our bliss), or to fall in line with expectations (that old, ugly monster that rears its head in my life) and fears.

it is time to release these emotions and begin to manifest our truth. we cannot lie to ourselves anymore. we cannot pretend or cover up or try to beat around the bush. there is no settling. it’s like we are about to burst. and, this all may not be easy. this is the intensity. this is tough stuff. this is where the rubber hits the road. will we stay true to ourselves and what our heart and soul have so clearly told us is true? can we make it through the process and stay dedicated to who we are?

new moons are all about new beginnings, but this isn’t about something new this time. this is about something that we have been carrying with us for a while actually beginning to grow. this is about letting loose that which has been growing under the earth for a while. it may not be bursting out as a full-fledged flower just yet, but we are sowing and growing and taking care of seeds that have already been planted.

the time has come, and the universe is helping us help ourselves. there’s no turning back now. the truth has been incubating within us for a while, and we have spent the early part of this year discovering that truth perhaps. now that we know it, it’s time to sow it.

with this new moon, we are invited to look deep within, and to prepare ourselves to begin the process of breaking forth, of breaking ground, of truly beginning to live our truth and our calling.

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photo from nasa’s pluto mission website. (the new horizons spacecraft took this photo on tuesday + sent it back to earth. mind. blown.)

yesterday, new horizons, a spacecraft, sped past pluto way out in our solar system, taking photos + gathering data. reading news articles about it blew my freaking mind. new horizons was launched NINE years ago, and made it to pluto yesterday. but, it’s not just hanging out there. it’s barreling on further out into the solar system. it’s going beyond.

what began years ago, finally reached to its destination on tuesday, but it isn’t stopping there. new horizons is doing just what its name suggests… seeking out new horizons, flying past pluto, into the wild, unknown space to explore + discover even more.

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pluto and one of it’s moons.

we, too, have been preparing for our own new horizons for a long time. just think about it for a minute. what is it that your soul is telling you that you need to let go of in order to be free? well, just as the spacecraft passed pluto yesterday, we’ve reached our destination too. and now we are faced with the emotional, intense moment when we decide whether to keep going, or to stay where we are.  it’s our time to leap forth into the unknown. to blow past our expectations and seek new horizons in our own lives.

now is the time to go for it. to let our souls take over. and we can begin a whole new, deeper, wider,  more meaningful, more purposeful life. happy new moon!

onwards + upwards! xoxo

my own thoughts + reflections based on kate rose’s article. she’s my go to chick for all this universe stuff.

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harnessing the energy of spring

have you being feeling a little bit “off” lately? or have you been feeling some crazy energy swirling all around you – causing you to be inspired, overwhelmed, confused, or out of balance – or a combination of all of these things? well, i think there may be a reason for that.

you see, today is the first day of spring for those of us in the northern hemisphere. and it’s a new moon. and there’s a total eclipse of the sun. that said, there’s gotta be some funky stuff going on in the air because there is some crazy stuff happening way up there in space. the universe is filled with a bunch of energy.

and all of that funny stuff is leading us to a place where we can bring forth amazing change, moments, growth, and transformation in our lives. if we just say yes.

now, i am no astrologer or energy healer or anything like that. i am just a theologian, a lover of thinking about life from a theological/spiritual perspective. and i’m the sort of theologian who believes that all things are connected by some beautiful, gentle, loving, inspiring, divine force. call it whatever you wish. come at it from whatever religion you wish. that’s not what is important to me. what is important, is this beautiful connection that spans time and space, all of humanity, all of nature, and the whole universe , in fact.

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and on days like this, days when there is a significant thing happening within nature + in the cosmic sky above, if you will, i need to sit and ponder a bit.i need to tap into my wild self. i need to slow down + take part in whatever is happening. because whatever is happening in nature and in the world, whatever is happening to you, is also happening to me. and there is so much to learn about those unanswerable questions of life by simple being aware + observing + reading the signs. there is so much internal work that can be done, if we simply slow down enough to listen. on days like today, our souls can connect deeply with nature + inspire in deep, meaningful ways.

(not to mention i am simply a solstices and the equinoxes celebrating junkie. as you can tell –> here).

today we celebrate the arrival of spring. light + warmth return to my part of the world. new life is all around. grass begins to turn green. baby animals are born. flowers begin to peek from the ground. trees begin to bud. all signs of life, and hope. a reminder that, even when the darkness is overwhelming, there is always light. and the light always returns, again + again. ultimately, life and love always win.

it is a beautiful, incredible cycle of life… and isn’t it just mind-blowing how the universe keeps itself in balance? it just flows and continues.  just as we celebrate spring, we know that fall + winter will return again. just as we celebrate our own life, we know that death eventually follows. but right now, in this very moment, life is beginning again. the energy is palpable. it’s like standing on the top of a mountain, breathless, in complete awe. we are so very present in that very moment.

and so, what else is there to do than to live right now? in the present moment. for that’s all we have. that is what is important and beautiful and inspiring. and amazingly, the present moment is renewed again and again. just like the passing seasons of the year. creativity and renewal and new beginnings are part of the awe-inspiring cycle of life. why wouldn’t we want to align ourselves and go with the flow and ride the magical cycle of life in harmony with nature, instead of trying to fight it? why wouldn’t we want to soak up the sacred, glorious present moment that is right now?

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speaking of the present moment, today, on this first day of spring, everything is balanced. there are equal parts of light and dark in the day. and, from today on, the days will continue to become longer + brighter as we make our way to the summer solstice in june (midsummer, in sweden). but, just today, for this moment, we are balanced. and for me, that gives me a sense of total harmony. complete rest and calm and peace.

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so, today, in the midst of mother nature’s day of balance i will look up to the sky (even if it is cloudy and possibly snowy in sweden) and i will breathe in the changing of the seasons. i will pause to feel the shift. and, with the new moon that covers the sun, and i will use these moments, that are teetering ever-so-gently in perfect balance, to set my intentions for the days of light that follow. it is time to begin something. to let go of the old, dark, cold winter times of our lives and to leap forward with joy + lightness to whatever comes next. today is the day that we can dream about what that might be. we may have no detailed ideas of what lies ahead, it is most likely completely unknown; but we can ponder, plan, and set our intentions for what we want to accomplish and how we want to live.

besides, what better time than spring to begin to focus on the newness that waits for us?

onwards + upwards, friends! xoxo

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a week ago today: our (real) move to uppsala

this time last week, i met my love at the train station in uppsala and we boarded a train bound for norrköping – where lina’s parents live + where all of our stuff from the states was shipped! that’s right, we were on our way to pick up our american stuff and bring it back to uppsala, where we have already been living for five weeks… and move into our new apartment!

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lucky us, we had gotten the keys to our new (permanent, for a year) apartment a whole week early! so, no more empty temporary apartment living! i mean, we are super grateful for having the chance to live there, but it never felt like home. of course, why would it? we only had it for 6 weeks. but, it was a place to lay our head and keep us warm. so we had so much more than many people in the world. however, after 2 months of total transition + upheaval, it was so great to know that we could create a home again. 5-train-my-love-travel

so, we arrived in norrköping, did some errands and then went to lina’s parents’ home for the weekend. on saturday, we did more errands, like buying a piece of wood to use as our desk, a vacuum cleaner, a microwave, etc. we also had a great visit to to see lina’s grandma, and then landed at lina’s parents’ again for a cozy evening in front of the tv with popcorn. the popcorn had just finished popping, the tv was on, and a few candles were lit, when the lights went out. that’s right. blackout. we stayed up for an hour together, talking, looking at our phones, and eating popcorn and drinking wine. it was cozy, albeit cozy in a way we hadn’t planned. hehe.

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morning came, the power was restored, and we were busy packing out boxes in a trailer and hopping in the car with lina’s parents’ to drive back to uppsala!! we were actually moving in now!  8-lina-me-moving-packed 9-lina-moving-trailer 10-me-moving
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so, we unloaded everything, carried everything in, picked up zola at the other apartment, and went to IKEA for a few more necessary supplies. come evening, we were exhausted and hungry, so we ordered pizza from the pizzeria which is literally just outside our apartment building’s door. score! we ate and then pretty much went to bed, i think. i don’t really remember. 13-first-things-unpacking-glass-beer 14-pizza-dinner 16-living-room-sweden

we woke on monday morning, barely able to walk, but with just enough energy to make coffee (of course!) and sip our first cup in our new kitchen, which was bathed in sunlight – as it is every single sunny morning. it’s just gorgeous! then, it was all about organizing, sorting, and unpacking, which we did all day – with lina also sitting at the desk, working from home.

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come tuesday morning, we felt a little bit settled, and still a little bit completely overwhelmed – in a good way. but, we also felt oh so very grateful. grateful for our home. for each other. for everyone who has helped us – both of our sets of parents! people who took and bought our old things, my brother who let us stay at his place before moving, the apartment we lived in first here in uppsala. all of our friends + family all over the world who have been sending us texts, messages, good vibes, and thinking of us.

we are grateful for surviving, for our marriage, and for the opportunities, adventures, and simple moments of life that await us. now, it’s time to make this apartment our home. wishing you a great weekend, lovely ones!

onwards + upwards!