i believe that i am a patient person in many ways. patient and accepting of others. but, when it comes to processes… not. so. much. at least not right now in life. my love & i have this thing about hating the process, we talk about the process of brushing our teeth before going to bed, of walking to work, filling in forms, of waiting for answers… so, perhaps i don’t mind the process, it’s the waiting that i hate. when i know i want something, then i want it. like this whole moving thing… i am thankful to get to spend spring in sweden (hoping that it turns out to be a beautiful spring. so far, not so great), but on the other hand, i just want to get this moving thing underway. i’m ready to move on.
yeah, i’m not so good at letting things take their course. every morning i find myself talking to the trees. begging them to please just show me a few little buds, something, anything, to let me know that they will have some leaves eventually. right now, it’s hard to believe.
and any learning process, any personal growth. forget it. i just wanna hop right to the lesson to be learned. i don’t wanna put up with the shit, the tough times, the hard challenges.
and paperwork. applications. job-searching. apartment hunting/waiting. i don’t want any part of it. nope. just get me the job. move me into my new apartment. and let me get started on my new way of life.
and yet, i know that without the journey, without the process, i will miss out on life. so do i really want to skip over everything? it’s like that quote or saying that i’ve heard somewhere about life being the stuff that happens in the middle. it’s not the dates of when we were born and when we die, but what we fill our days with. if i skip over the processes, the day to day living, and skip right to the end, then i’ve missed out. big time.
think about taking an airplane on a trip. it’s like magic. i get on a plane in one country, sit for some hours, get off in another… with totally different cultures, climate, and people. and while i love that air travel gets me to far away places quickly, i love road trips way more. i love getting in a car (especially when i’m driving) and discovering something new, or taking unplanned roads all along the way. the road trip becomes the destination. the whole journey is the way. it’s not only about the beginning and the end, but about every curve, diner, landmark, mountain, valley, desert, motel, person, picnic, photo opportunity, and random stop all along the way.
so, since i’m such a lover of road trips, surely i can take that spirit of adventure with me into every aspect of my life right now. surely i can calm my soul enough to center myself, breathe deeply, and trust the process. let everything take it’s time. to be a calm, sturdy, secure, grounded, person filled with peace that spreads to everyone i meet…. that’s what i really want. besides, the process is the adventure of my every day life… and i certainly do not want to miss out on anything.
When I was a little girl I had stabilisers on my bicycle for over a year. My mum kept saying come on Nicole let’s take them off and you can learn how to ride a bike properly. My answer: mum I don’t want to learn how to ride a bike – I want to be able to do so. Still the story of my life aka zero patience with myself.
🙂 so true. who wants to learn when we have already figured out a way to compensate? xo
Liz, I totally get how ya feel. I recently left my super stressful job to pursue writing FT and return to school, but everything I wanted is taking much longer to occur than I had intended. I missed the deadline for the school I really wanted, so now I’ll have to wait another year to go. In the meantime I’ve GOT to get the book worked on and also find a different job, which is easier said than done. I know, like you, it’ll be the journey that’s the most important, but when you’re in the middle of the bridge, it can be hard to see the other side.
Good luck packing for your journey – the literal and figurative one!
you are SO RIGHT! sounds like you truly get what i’m saying. thanks for your comment! it is always nice to know someone understands and is in the same boat. 🙂
I can totally relate. Learning the patience of moment by moment doing the journey is so important and such an important thing to focus on.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
you seem to have an amazing amount of patience, my friend. i am inspired by you! love & peace.
Aww, thanks sweetie. That is such a compliment. I hope that I am as good as you see me. 🙂
I think it will be so wonderful when the next six months are over with and you are moved. But I wouldn’t wish this journey of yours away for anything.
Patience is one of those virtues that few have and all wish for. I don’t think that I am very patient, I would like lots more, I’m just working hard each day to focus on the journey in that day and trying to have faith that it will lead me down the right path as I go. I’ve had almost four years of really bad happenings due to trusting and living with others and I’ve noticed over and over how much peace and love is lost because I have problems with the daily life and I see that so much in others’ lives as well. Finally, duh, after four years I think I am getting it. I don’t want to seem like I got it all going on and this is easy, it is hard stuff, but I think that I am learning my lesson, trust your path, walk your path, keep healing, keep doing what needs to be done each day, find the joy, help someone else find theirs, embrace the grief, help others to heal, be as happy as you can each day.
Here is what I have learned:
Each Day Is The Path.
I think you are learning that too. Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
this comment is so beautiful, kate. i am copying it and saving it on my computer. thank you so much for the inspiration! xo
Hi Liz,
Thank you dear. It is lovely to know you and have someone who is trying to do many of the same things that I am trying to do, who encourages me and who cares and loves the world and their path, who walks a path with courage and heart. Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
You know, when I was in Germany it was pretty depressing weather wise. Never had such an awful spring in the motherland than this year! So I truly believe that weather can determine mood and this time around it wasn’t too pretty. Probably even a lot worse in Sweden, since you are up north. I feel for you and hope more than one bud shows up!