i got a comment the other day from the mezz which touched me deeply. and i’ve been thinking alot about it ever since…
she said, in her comment, that she was glad that i had written a post where i did some complaining. that it reminded her that i am human, and that i have difficult times too. i truly appreciate her comment. it made me feel free.
i focus so much on positive things here on my blog, and in life. i try my best to acknowledge the beauty, the positive, and the good in every day, even if every moment isn’t fabulous.
however, in the middle of all of the beauty & amazingness of life, i do have tough times. things don’t always go smoothly, and sometimes i feel overwhelmed, lost, sad, frustrated, and scared. i don’t always write about it here. but, every now & then, things just creep out onto my keyboard – like they are doing now.
whether you know it, remember it, or have never heard it, my love was in the hospital for 3 months this summer. it was a really tough & scary time for her. and for me. very tough & scary. in ways that i cannot even begin to describe. i wondered if i was going to lose her. now she has been home for a while, but is still receiving treatment. we’re doing our best to live life, and i think we have been doing a pretty good job. but, lately, things have been getter harder.
i don’t feel like i’m being fake by posting positive, inspiring things. or by showing the amazing moments of our life, because there are tons of amazing moments. but, the tough stuff that we are dealing with right now, is real. it’s just that we choose to keep it private. on the other hand, i don’t want people to think that everything just moves along smoothly for me and i wake up feeling peace every day. because it doesn’t . and i don’t. as the mezz points out, i’m human. and shit happens.
however, i need inspiration & the positive vibes in my life. i want those things. i want to wake up & love life, not live with regrets or in fear. i want to suck every amazing thing out of life that i can. i need to remember to be aware of the beauty in life. and so, here, in my little place in cyberspace, i try to make a beautiful little corner that brings me joy & peace. and if i provide any joy or peace to anyone else along the way, then i am doubly blessed. you see, this place, this blog, heals me. writing fills me. it is my breath. one of my ways of meditating. of stripping away the negative and focusing on being true to myself & my soul.
i truly admire any of you who put your whole self out there, who bitch & complain, and vent & get pissed off, and share your deepest, darkest thoughts & feelings. sometimes i wonder about doing that. but, then, i remember my “niche”. and belovelive is all about being who i am. learning to love myself & others. and living life to the fullest. perhaps one day i’ll create another blog, or perhaps i will just add to this one. but, for now, this is who i am. this is how i write. and when there are tough times, i will either keep it to myself, or share it with you all… i will just let it happen naturally.
in the meantime, whatever positive vibes, prayers, or thoughts you might have for my little family right now would be greatly appreciated. i deeply thank you for your presence here, and for your willingness to stumble through all my words. and i am so grateful for the comments i receive. your thoughtful words inspire me & push me to think more deeply than before. your presence influences me & touches me, reminding me that i am never alone.
as always, when there is something heavy on my heart, i face it head on. mediate on it. write about it (privately or otherwise), and talk though it with a trusted soul. but, i face it knowing that, bigger than the sadness or pain or uncertainty that i feel, the light always conquers the darkness. love always wins. there is always hope. and life remains beautiful. i have the complete joy of living this life, with all of its ups & downs, mountains & valleys, and soaking in the messiness and the perfection and everything in between that makes up this journey of mine.
and i know from deep within my soul that tomorrow is another day. another day to share with my love. another day to embrace & experience as much as possible.
another day to…