Four weeks into 2019 and it finally feels like I have crossed into the New Year. I guess this is what I meant by easing slowly into 2019. I have certainly done that. Sticking fast to my beliefs + intentions. Allowing myself to be present in each day. Releasing + resisting the need to plan. And that all feels good + wonderful. But the biggest benefit has been that I have really let myself dig into the slow energy energy of the month, which has kept me grounded and guided me through the magical transition that occurred this week. It’s something we usually tend to ignore, as we jump right into all of the newness of a new year. But, in reality, in the northern hemisphere we are in the belly of winter + in the southern hemisphere we are in the heart of summer. Both, times to keep it slow + steady + present.
Of course, I had no idea that this week would feel like the beginning of the new year. But, things just unfolded and that great big amazing full super blood wolf moon lunar eclipse set the stage and guided me over an unexpected threshold. Whether you believe in the magic of the tides + phases of the moons, it’s undeniable that we, as humans on this living planet, are affected in one way or another. And, as my body + mind + spirit experienced this cosmic mystery, I felt that 2019 was finally underway.
But, more than that, I felt a much deeper connection with only caring about what happens in the here + now. In the present moment. Fully appreciating each day for its own beautiful full 24 hour phase of mindfulness.
The week started on Sunday evening. The moon was full, rising outside my kitchen window. So, I grabbed my camera, pulled on my boots + jacket, and headed out into the single digit (fahrenheit) weather to just feel it all. It was stunningly gorgeous. The sun was setting in the west, the moon was rising in the east. And, I knew that this would be the full moon that would be eclipsed in the early morning, just a few hours away. A powerful super blood full moon lunar eclipse… a rarity to behold. And I had every intention of seeing it. But, first, a little early evening walk in solitude to end the weekend before bed.
I came home, pulled a few cards + did some journaling, and then went to bed, setting my alarm for 5am – a good 45 minutes earlier than I usually wake – so I could watch the lunar eclipse. I knew it would be visible because it was an extremely crispy clear night.
Little did I know of the dreams that were in store for me as I slept under the full moon. I won’t go into detail, but there were more detailed + real than usual. And there were two young teenage girls with me, and we were in the church where I grew up + felt a calling to be a spiritual leader. I am certain the girls were representing two sides of me, one following the expected path + one rebelliously doing her own thing. A literal battle I’ve had all of my life.
In any case, when I woke it was 4:30. And it was the beginning of the eclipse. The entire moon was visible, but within a few minutes, the process had begun. I stood in awe at the window, the moon glowing down on my face. After about 30 minutes, I went to wake Lina. Amazingly, we could lay in bed + watch the entire eclipse. So we did.
It was pure, cosmic magic. We lay there, snuggled under the covers, discussing the ancient mystery of this natural occurrence, imagining how it must have been for our sisters + brothers thousands, even hundreds of years ago, as they watched an eclipse not knowing anything about the science behind it. A few times, I climbed out of bed to snap some photos, but mostly we just lay there for 2 hours. Experiencing the movement from light to shadow to light again.
I felt a silent shift. I felt power. I felt magic. I felt awe + honor. And I felt connected to the entire universe, so small + infinite all at the same time.
Now that’s how to start a Monday. Am I right?!
The rest of the week was all affected by the amazing full moon lunar eclipse. That shift that I felt? Things literally shifted for me throughout the week. Monday was blissful. Slow, cozy, and one of the coldest days of the past 365 days. It was just a deep continuation of the magic + mystery + silence of the eclipse.
But, Tuesday was a whole different ballgame. The magical energy waned as the moon herself began to wane. The cozy energy faded a bit and it was time for the shifting to be made manifest. And, boy did that happen for me.
My sweet amazing colleague accepted the position as the assistant principal at the school where we work. That means, that we will no longer work together a mentors. That deep connection through our shared responsibilities was now over. This move was a very good thing for our school, but a very painful thing for me personally. I didn’t want to lose what we have (though I wasn’t losing her at all. I wasn’t even losing her at work). It was all shifting, and that shifting, more than anything else, triggered some deep, painful things inside of me.
Honestly, I was triggered even more that evening as I took my love out to dinner to celebrate her one year work anniversary at a job that she absolutely adores. I was so proud of her that I wanted to celebrate her. And I am more happy for her than I could ever express… if there was ever anybody who deserved a great big celebration it is her.
But, inside, I had to fight off even more triggers. Triggers that led me to question what the hell I was doing. If I was doing anything? It was all just random, general, self-doubt and pity. I shared my feelings and thoughts with both my love + my colleague. Both of them encouraging + challenging me to stop being so hard on myself.
However, the instability remained. Until, I realized on Wednesday morning, that this had been my threshold. This was me passing through the portal that opened with the full moon lunar eclipse. This was the magic being made real in my life. What had been shaken up on Tuesday, the effects of the full moon, was exactly the disorienting feeling that I needed in order to push me to step into my present. To not focus on what I need to be or do. To not dwell on what I had or had not done or been. But to literally, simply, just fucking be right in the moment of Wednesday morning.
And, with Wednesday, as I was mindfully present during every single second of the day (I really was!), I felt a much slower, more grounded energy. I had passed over the threshold. I had gone through the portal. I was in a whole new space. And a whole new year had begun.
And then, shit began happening. No longer feeling pressure to become anything else. No longer even caring about moving forward or how I should evolve, I even began reading my oracle cards differently. I didn’t care about what the energy of the day would be… as I pulled cards on Thursday morning. I only cared about tapping into and understanding the energy that I was feeling right then + there.
On Thursday, I began to regather, recalibrate, and celebrate what is. With no thought or care for what I wanted or needed to experience next, I decided that by really soaking in the moment would not cause me to miss out on anything. There was no need to rush, no need to move forward. The only important thing was to experience.
And that led me to understand so much more about my life. Why have I been so “dissatisfied”? I have spent years thinking that I need to do more. That my work at the school is amazing, but that I have to do more to create the business that will give me the life I want. Never ever have I accepted, considered, settled into the thought that I am living the life that I am meant to live. Right fucking now. Already living it.
So, Thursday, at work, I found myself saying that I would work as a coordinator for a young adult/teenage lifestyle program at my school. A program that focuses on balancing mind, body, and soul. And, with that, I suddenly understood that perhaps all of the other shit that I have been “trying” to do, without trying to do anything really, is because I am not meant to do it. I am already living my truth. I already have an outlet. I already have my platform.
The new year is not bringing me anything surprisingly new. And yet, everything has been made new.
Soon, it was time the move into the weekend. When Friday finally rolled around, after what seems to have been the longest week in a very long time, I felt excited, empowered, and balanced. I had moved to an even deeper lever of living slowly. I had risen even higher in knowing my purpose of living in the present moment. And I felt a balancing of my divine + earthly spirit, an aligning of my inner + outer life.
From Friday afternoon until right now (Sunday afternoon), I have let all of these thoughts + feelings + understandings sink into my soul. The weather has been snowy, cold, and extremely wintry. So, it’s been the perfect setting for staying inside to sift through all of the shifting that has occurred this past week. I’ve burned incense, lit candles, and had copious amounts of coffee… all while writing in my journal, sitting in silence, and cozying with my love.
Friends, I have absolutely loved this January. It’s been one of my most favorite in recent memory. It’s har.d to believe that there are just 4 days left + then it’s time to move into February. And February brings us a whole new vibe. However, I’m not ready for the change yet. So, I’m gonna soak in as much deep winter magic as I possibly can, letting each day simply flow into the next. Not resisting the changes, not worried about what is to come, and not concerned with any moment except the one right in front of me.
I cannot describe for you, wild souls, how freeing it has been for me to move through this extremely intense week. I feel almost as it has been a whole year in and of itself. But, maybe worrying about days, months, and years is not what’s really important anyway. Perhaps it really is simply about making space in the here + now. Living it fully. Feeling it all. Experiencing it fully. Seeing the beauty in it all. And letting it inspire + motivate us. So that, as long as we have breath, we follow the natural rhythms of consistent evolution.
wild + sacred blessings, lovelies. xoxo. liz.