“let me embrace my life”

sometimes life is just not fun. many times it’s not what we expected it to be. change comes when we don’t want it. disappointment, challenges, and suffering seem to be the norm instead of the exception.

how do we deal with that? how do we keep moving on? how can anything good come from chaos + confusion?

well, i don’t have the answers for you. not really. i mean, i have ways that i deal with this and i’ll share a few with you, but what i really want to do is to share with you people that find ways to get through it all. people that, though they face tough moments + incredibly difficult situations, still find the strength to move on.

this morning i watched a swedish tv show called ginas värld (gina’s world) about the genocide in rwanda in 1994. gina, the host, travels around the world meeting people and simply learning about their lives, their struggles, their dreams. it’s a tv show that is powerful, inspiring, and educational. i pretty much would love to do what she is doing.

gina from gina’s world

in this 30 minute episode she visited rwanda, as i said before. she met up with a woman who now works for world vision to help bring about peace and reconciliation. they toured a church where people were killed during the genocide, and it was indescribable to see and hear about it all. but, the most powerful message of this episode was another woman’s story. a woman who sought shelter in the church during the attacks, and just happened to survive. she made it out, but was attacked and her child was killed right in front of her.

as if that isn’t enough, her attacker + child’s murderer found her years later and asked for forgiveness.

she fainted upon hearing his asking for forgiveness, but a week later, found in it her heart to offer him what he was asking for. this, she said, was to not only set him free, but more importantly to set herself free.

the pain is not gone. and it is definitely not forgotten. but, she lives with a sense of freedom now that she could have never had, had she not offered this man forgiveness. today, they work side by side in the village. both completely changed people by what has happened.

incredible, i believe.

at one point, the woman who works for peace + reconciliation in rwanda stated that the only way that she could move on from the genocide was to embrace her life. to accept + allow + let her life be worth something. even in the midst of all of the pain that she carried with her. she had to move past that and live the life that she had. and then, create the life that she wanted.

click on the photo above to watch the episode (much of it is in english, so you’ll understand most of it. it’s only 30 min. long).

things don’t always go our way, do they? we try to create the life that we want, but shit happens. tough times find us again and again. and it sometimes just seems so much easier to give up than to bear the unfair, unjust parts of life.

but, i’m thinking, if this woman who was tortured and had her baby chopped in half in front of her very eyes could forgive her child’s murderer and attacker, then i can surely keep on keeping on a s well. if she has the strength to move onward and to keep creating the life that she wants to have, a life of freedom and peace, then i can surely push on and create the life that i want as well.

my love on the top.

i’ve written in a few blog posts about all of the changes happening in my life lately: meditation class, life coaching class (coming up), my new job, new routines, etc. very exciting things. i have also eluded to some other changes,  but have not mentioned them.

well, now’s the time to let you know…

many of you now that my wife has suffered from an eating disorder in one way or another for the past 10ish years. there have been ok times, where things have been stable (like while we lived in asheville) and horrible times, which led her to be hospitalized for months on end.

i’ll let her speak for herself, and you can read her words on her blog –> here), but i can quickly share with you that she has now taken a break from work for now in order to receive some intense treatment.

i think that it’s fair to say that neither one of us expected this to happen. in no way did we imagine finding ourselves in this place again. but, it is what it is. and it is for the best – that is for sure. even if it is tough.

i tell you this because, in my opinion, my wife is amazingly embracing her own life.

she is strong and she is fighting for her health. she inspires me, in how she embraces the life that is hers, even though she is scared and even though it sucks and even though times are tough. somehow, she keeps digging deep and finding something that pushes her forward, and i am so inspired.

so, in light of that, i embrace the life that i have too. for all of the beauty and peace that i have found. and for all of the fear, uncertainty, and insecurities that i have right now as well. i embrace the demons that i have as i seek to balance my life.

the only thing i know right now is that suffering, pain, and changes happen. they are a part of life. all of our lives. and the only way that i know how to deal with them are to stay grounded. to anchor myself when i feel out of control. to find rituals + routines that speak to my soul and remind me that, no matter what, all will be well. in one way or another. i must continue to learn to bend and flow and release, knowing that i will continue moving forward. choosing to continue moving forward.

and, how amazing is it, that, there are so many inspiring, incredible people out there showing us how it is done? guiding, teaching, and setting examples for us? leading the way and teaching us how to move on.

yes, there is power to be found in learning to embrace our lives. and it is that power that carries us…

onwards + upwards. xoxo