be

the week begins.

18 Apr 2011

it was another glorious day in sweden! this morning the windows were open, the birds were singing, i was sipping coffee and reading with a cutie cat beside me. i must say that it was a great monday morning. as i was reading and enjoying myself, i began thinking about how easy it is to just go from sunday to sunday during this special week – ignoring all the bad emotions and feelings that come with the events between palm sunday and easter sunday. why do we want to dwell on all the bad stuff? we know what happened, must we focus on it? besides, it’s uncomfortable. can’t we just skip it? we know what happens, right?

well, you can call me morbid or sick or weird, but i really believe that in order to fully feel the joy that light and new life bring, we must first acknowledge and experience darkness and death. so, it is my desire to try my hardest to be fully aware of the events of each day this week and to steal away a little bit of time every day to ponder those things that make me most uncomfortable: betrayal, denial, fear, death. what is my role in contributing to the darkness in life? and how have i refused to confront injustice? how do i deny and betray love?

as i thought about the paradox of light and dark, joy and sorrow, slavery and freedom, i couldn’t help but think about my experience of living in sweden for the past 8 months. it was a beautiful, golden fall which turned into a very dark, cold, snowy winter. and now, the snow has melted, the sun is shining, the days are much longer, and the flowers & leaves are on their way. i believe that i am seeing spring in a completely different way than ever before because of the long winter that came first. without the dark, the light wouldn’t seem so bright. without the dark, i would not know the deep joy  that the light brings. without the cold, i would not feel the warmth.

so, this week, i am not just going from one celebration to the next. from one sunday to the next. from one week to the next. i want to slow down and embrace the pain – think about it, write about it, ponder it. and i’m going to face my role in the betrayal, denial, and death of light and love.

but, even in the middle of all of this pondering and reflecting, there’s still a time and place to enjoy the moments of the day as well. so, i’m gonna meet up with some friends, take some more walks, have a fika or 2, sleep late, read & write, sit in the sun, and enjoy my time with my wife. yes. life feels good these days. but, the joy that i feel is only made complete when i truly live life.

i wore shoes without socks today! don’t ya just love that feeling? of course, the best is flip flops or sandals. but, converse with my jeans rolled up will do just fine! i loved every minute of it. probably more than ever… after boots and socks for so many months. what a wonderful feeling of freedom for my feet!

peace and love.

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