Equinox Rituals: How to move forward when you feel off

Whoa, lovelies. It’s weird right now. Or is it just me? I feel so very off. Last week’s pause at the start of this spiritual portal is definitely over. I feel as if I have found myself right smack dab in the middle of the wilderness now. The journey has begun. Which, I know, is exactly where I am supposed to be. But, damn, I feel a bit lost and stuck. And I don’t know how to move forward.

And, on top of all of that weirdness, I just can’t seem to do these Equinox Rituals posts every other day like I had planned, y’all. I really, really want to; but, honestly, I am so tired when I get home from work. After figuring out dinner + debriefing with my love about the day, all I can manage to do is sit and relax. At this point in my life, though, I honor those feelings + vibes of wanting to embrace the slowness of the evening. And do my best to release any negative, guilty feelings.

So many uncomfortable, unsettling vibes are flowing through me right now, though. And I am working very hard to not ignore them or push them away, but to just let them swirl around inside of me. It’s not easy. But, I am trusting the process. I know that this is a necessary part of pain, struggle, insecurity, cleansing, purifying before something new is born.

It’s like I was saying to my friend this afternoon as we walked home in the cold, raw, wintry weather. The temperatures, the precipitation, the seasons are in transition mode now. It’s brighter longer, the birds are chirping all day long, tiny flowers are starting peek through the snow. But, the bitter, cold wind still blows + the snow still falls. It’s so obvious that there is change in the air. But the transition is difficult. It’s a hard journey for us all to move from one season to the next. But, we all know, that the change of seasons cannot possibly happen overnight. It is a natural, slow process that takes time.

And, actually, being mindful + aware of the slow transition is a gift. Even though it is tough. It’s a way of flowing with the cycles of nature, of living in alignment with the earth, and finding the deep truths of the universe in the mysteries of mother nature. It gives us a chance to choose to participate in + co-create our lives; and to see the wild, sacred magic + meaning in every little thing. Like the chirping of springtime birds on a snowy day. Teaching us + reminding us to trust the process of the seasons + in our own changes that we face.

Which leads me to the cards for these past 2 days of the Equinox Rituals series: Tracker + Spirit of the South.

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Again, I suppose it was meant to be that I write about these 2 cards together. To me, these cards invite me to understand a simple truth. One that I literally see all around me in nature, and one that reminds me to keep pressing onward.

The thing with this Equinox Rituals series, as it carries us from winter to spring, from hibernation to new life, and through times of confusion, unsettledness, and off-ness, the only thing to do is to stay focused.

This is the time to be single-minded, to follow that one true passion that is within our soul, or to simply stick to the desire to discover it, should we not yet know what our passion is. It is time to track the unseen energy flowing within us, like a river flowing in its paths through canyons, valleys, mountains, and fields. Never leaving its path, but always shifting, changing, and flowing with whatever comes its way, adjusting to curves, rocks, drops, turns, falls, shifting with the landscape + as needed, from calm waters to raging waters.

That’s where we are. As we move through this changing of the seasons, when we find ourselves feeling lost, confused, unsettled, raging, then all we need to do is to stay focused on our path. No need to know what lies ahead. The important thing is to experience the now. For all of it’s slow, calm, beautiful moments + for the raging, plunging, rocky, ones as well. Just flow. Around the rocks, down the falls, through the pools, around the bends.

Right now, as I feel off and weird, I know that it’s because of many external factors trying to affect me. Tempting me to leave the current I am in, tempting me to find another flow that just feels easier. The whole United Methodist Church thing has fucked up my brain, leaving me unsure of what I personally want with my future. Leaving me wondering if it affects my future or not, actually. It’s just left me questioning what comes next for me after all of these old feelings + thoughts have been awakened.

The other thing driving me mad + making it hard for me to just go with the flow is my work situation. Nadia, my soul sister colleague, has now become my boss kind of. She’s the assistant principal at our school now, which means that we no longer share that bond as fellow mentors, the only 2 in the school. So, we work completely differently with each other now. And, we are training a new mentor.

It’s just all so different. And weird. And unsettling. Oh, it has the potential to be very good + my intuition tells me that we will become even closer sisters because of this change. But right now it’s just so different. And such a challenge to accept + move through the transition phase.

But, again, nature + spirit reassure me of the truths of these processes. Gently nudging me to trust the flow of it all. As it is in nature, so is it even in my everyday life. The transition is tough. But, it is necessary to move + evolve from one phase to another. From one season in life to another.

The second card, the Spirit of the South, is the card to remind me of the outcome, should I dare to stay with the flow of my path, even as confusing, unsettling, off, or stuck I may feel at any given moment. Should I dare to go with the flow, expansion, light, growth, energy, abundance are mine (and yours) to claim + enjoy. All of the light + beauty of the spirit of the south, the spirit of summer, life, warmth, and pure enjoyment is the only thing at the end of our path.

That is what we all are flowing towards. Living a life in alignment, as our true selves, filled with peace + light. That is the amazingness waiting for us all…not only at the end, though, but also through glimpses + moments all along the way, I believe. The slow, quiet moments of deep truth, of real life, of pure laughter, of inner peace, of true connection… these are found all along the way of the journey as well.

For now, we are on the path toward a new season. And, truly, the only thing that we are to do is to flow with our true nature. Keep breathing + grounding + fighting + resting through the tough moments. And enjoying all of the little wild + sacred moments all along the way. In reality, there is no good or bad moment. There are just moments. All along the way. Making up the crazy, wild, beautiful life that is our own.

xoxo. liz.