A couple of posts ago, in the beginning of the month, I shared a post that touched on all of the powerful spiritual energy that was swirling around. Because of that energy, there are a few very sacred, very meaningful themes running through this Equinox Rituals series that have lead me deep into a very magical, yet challenging, journey. So I thought that I would write a little mid-month post to check-in with our calling. Honestly, mostly because I need to process this month for myself. To see where I thought my calling was leading me + where my calling may actually be leading me – because I can feel some shifts + changes.
Let me begin with the fact that this journey, this month, this equinox rituals series has been tough for me. I feel confused + off. At the same time, I feel very calm + grounded. You see, I am trusting the process + the journey. Though it is quite uncomfortable + disorienting. Yet, as I look back on all of the more turbulent, confusing times in my life, I know that they were growing pains before the birth of something new. So, just as the earth is trying to wake from winter, just as Mother Nature dumps snow + cold and then give us sunshine + tiny peeks of flowers, this, too, is all a process. And for once in my life, goddamnit, I am trusting the process. I am flowing with it all.
Now, back to all of that spiritual energy that I mentioned. I really need to check in to see how it is affecting, inspiring, challenging, and influencing my calling in this season of change.
Ok. here’s a little reminder of those energies we’ve got still swirling all around us. First, we are still in the middle of a Mercury Retrograde, a 3 week period that symbolizes a chance to simplify, settle in, and slow down. It’s a time to go within. To tune in + listen to the soul. It is a chance to wonder how we might want to begin to rewrite our story.
And then there is the New Moon from March 6. We are halfway through this monthly moon cycle. And it has been a very intentional cycle for me. I set an intention to focus on the word “becoming”. It felt right for this season of the year. This transitional time. This time to begin to wonder how I want to be born anew with the coming of spring. Little did I know that moving through this moon cycle, so far, would inspire me to not be afraid of the journey + to know that I am already on my path. To not hurry things. To trust what is, right now. That I am already on the right track, even I don’t know what track that is. There’s no need to rush. No need to compare my rising to anyone else’s. To just keep moving. To walk steady.
And then there is the spiritual season of Lent that Christians around the world are celebrating. I am not really celebrating it, but I am aware of it. And I feel the energy of the six weeks of wilderness wandering that Jesus experienced in my own life (in my own way). It’s difficult journey of confusion, temptation to take the easy way out; a journey to fully embrace who we are + the calling on our lives. It reminds me of Native American tradition of vision quests. An intentional, solitary, journey of wandering + survival. Of searching the depths of our soul, honestly, in order to face the truths of who we are + who we are called to be. It’s like going out into the desert or into the woods to find yourself. Like, Cheryl Strayed in WILD. It ain’t easy. But it is empowering + enlightening + life changing.
I haven’t gone anywhere physically, during this Lent so far, but the vibes of Lent have been guiding me on an inner journey that is taking me to some of the tough, dark, scary, lonely, confused places of my soul. I’d rather not deal with all of these old ghosts + thoughts+ fears, but the only way to heal them or to evolve past them is to spend time with them + to let them be.
Let me tackle this idea of a calling that I keep mentioning.
I think of a calling as that special, unique way that we live from our soul, or how we live our truth, our authentic life. It is how we embody who we are meant to be. Each of us in our own way, based on our gifts, passions, and talents. But it is also much wider than just our individual souls.
You see, I believe in a divine light, energy, spirit that is imbued within each of us, connecting us to each other + to the cosmos. To God, to the universe, to energy. It is that spark, that stardust, that divine oneness that is within us all. That is who we are in our souls. We are one. One with each other, with God, with energy, with love, with the earth, with the stars + sun, with the sacred spirit that exists. And we This is who we are as a collective spirit. This is our potential. Who we are called to be. To remember + become who we are.
And, yet, at the same time, we are unique individuals + personalities. The individual-ness of us is how we uniquely embody our soul. At the heart of who we are, we are connected. But, we need our diverse human selves in order to live together in this world. So, how we live out our callings + embrace our souls is as different as our personalities, gifts, and talents. And that creates a rich, beautiful community. The potential for a world that is just, equal, and hopeful lies within our desire + response to embody our calling.
Oh my god, it’s hard to write about all of this + put it into words.
The main thing that I want to express is that I believe that we are simply called to be who we already are. Sacred souls. Worthy. Good. Filled with light + love. And we are called in different ways to embody our callings based on who we individually are. So one of the most important things in life, in fact, perhaps the meaning of life for me, is to embark on the lifelong journey of seeking how to become who we are meant to be. For the sake of our souls + the sake of the world.
We are holy humans called to a life of discover + service. Magical, sacred, stardust beings. The thing is, we forget or we ignore or we don’t believe in our own soul’s worth. But, this is who we are meant, who we are called to be.
And when we dare to follow that calling, when we live from what lights us up, when we live our truth, then we radiate even more light into the dark places of the world. And, oh how it is so very dark in many places.
To be honest, until this past week, I have felt a ton of pressure when it came to “following my calling”. I got the whole sacred soul part. The collective calling that we all have to recognize that we are light, love, and a sacred part of the divine energy. That I could understand + accept. As untouchable, mysterious, and mystical it is… I get it.
What has fucked with my mind has been my individual calling. How to embody + live my soul, my truth. Ultimately, it has something to do with my belief in my own individual worth. Not my sacred, divine worth, but my personal, unique worth.
So, I’ve spent years, I mean years, trying to discover my personal calling. How to live it out. What to do. Who to be. Wanting to just know the path I should take. The profession I should choose. The best way that I could live up to my potential. You see, I have always made my calling out to be a big calling on my whole entire life. What should I do with my life?
And the whole United Methodist Church debate on LGBTQI ordination + marriage that has been brought up again in the past month has brought up many ghosts, feelings, and pressures from my past. I am angry, confused, and disappointed all over again. And I don’t know how to react to the decision that the UMC church made to continue the restrictions brought down on me 9 years ago. Thus, sending my whole calling into an unexpected spin again.
But, suddenly this week, in the middle of a morning meditation, I wondered: “What if it’s not a call to my life, but a call to right now?”
With that one question, that one thought, the pressure to figure out some great, legendary purpose fell away. Answering the call, is answering the call for right here, right now. A calling for such a time is this. For such a place as this.
I cannot describe how freeing this little moment of enlightenment has been for me. It has made everything lighter. I feel as if I have released something heavy, a gigantic heap of pressure that I have been carrying around for as long as I can remember. I don’t have to choose any right way or wrong way. Nor do you. The calling is not to figure out some great legendary, secret purpose. The calling is to be me – and for you to be you. Right now. The calling is to be present, aware, mindful. Living out truth, light, and love.
And, right now, as I check-in with myself + my calling during this magical season of all kinds of swirling energies, my call is simply to continue to stay slow during this shifting of the seasons. To wait. To trust. To be. To flow + feel.
Spring is coming. Winter is coming. For now, though, all that matters is what is. And all there is to do is to breathe + be myself through it.