Happy Friday, everyone. Whoa this week has flown by. And it has been crazy different in my little corner of the world. But, that is totally fine with me. I need a little change up every now + then, don’t you?
I’ve been pretty busy this week with lots of different things. Quite a few of them have been social things. It’s funny. I seem to go through periods of intense social activity + then periods of very slow, home-body-ish nesting. It’s kind of an all-or-nothing existence. But, right now, it feels kind of balanced. Lagom (as we say in Swedish). It’s a word that means not too little, not too much, just about right. At least that’s the best way I can describe it. You know, I feel like this could actually be quite a big shift in how I live life. That I have come to define and understand lagom in my own way.
Too much. Too fast. All the time.
You see, in the past, I’ve gone at full speed constantly. I worked full-time, went to graduate school full-time, suffered through the breakdown of my previous marriage, and just kept going. I thought I was happy. And, in many ways I was. (Minus the whole marriage breakdown thing). But, I was stretched way too thin. I didn’t understand the necessity of self-care. Hell, I didn’t even know how to prioritize myself at all. In fact, I deeply, truly believed that it was my duty to take care of everyone else. To be the one that was the harmonizer, the balanced one, the stable one, the reliable one. And, I absolutely embraced this self-imposed role. I truly did. It gave me purpose. To make other people happy was how I found my happiness. Until it wasn’t.
Until I realized, somehow, that I had forgotten myself. My dreams. My wishes. I didn’t want to live my life filled with what-ifs. I had to follow the yearnings that were deep in my heart. I just had to. And so I did.
Slow down. Dive deep. Tune in.
For the past 8-9 years I’ve done the complete opposite. I’ve turned inward. Deeply inward. Yes, I’ve met people, made friends, been social, traveled, put myself out there, taken chances, embraced risks, and pushed myself to do more + more, but I’ve also spent all of my time in the background focusing on myself. My purpose has been linked to my inward life. My soul. Cleaning away all of the debris that surrounded that light was hidden deep within me. Listening to my soul. Feeling it. And, finally, heeding it. Yes, finally, because of slowing down and tuning in, I began to actually create the life that I want in my life. So that my life became the life that I desired.
And now that I have spent this time “alone” with myself, and learned a new way of living authentically + mindfully, I feel that a whole new sense of balance has become my life. And, therefore, this balance of living quietly and slowly can fit beautifully with being more social and more outwardly focused.
What I am saying is that this week has given me pause to consider that the life that I am living is simply, perfectly lagom for me. And that leaves me feeling totally empowered and content bad ass and at peace all at the same time. So, here’s all of the extroverted, introverted balanced way of being that I experience this past week…
Welcome to week 21’s songs:
Day 140: Saturday 20 May // Sea Of Love – Langhorne Slim, Jill Andrews
There was nothing slow and lazy about this Saturday. Lina and I were in Germany! We traveled to a small village in southern Germany on Friday to celebrate the wedding of two dear friends. I will have a big post on the whole weekend soon, and a video as well, so stay tuned. But, I just have to say now that it was an incredible, amazing weekend filled with so much love + beauty. The couple, the Germans that we met, the new friends we made, and all of our adventures and magical moments. It was an absolutely beautiful day to celebrate love. (And my love’s birthday!!)
Day 141: Sunday 21 May // Sunday Morning – The Stray Birds
On Sunday the wedding celebrations continued + slowly began to wind down. And after saying goodbye to everyone, we hopped into rental car + drove through Germany back to Berlin to catch our evening flight home. What a fun road trip that turned out to be – and I got to driiiiiiive. Of course, we had a few little moments of serious adventure (equal stress in the moment, that now, are just good + fun stories to share). But, we landed safely in Sweden just as the sun set below the horizon at 10:30 pm.
Day 142: Monday 22 May // Long Monday – Twin Bandit
Yep. It was a long Monday. I was sooooo tired. Our poor friend who traveled with us to Germany missed her bus because our plane was delayed, so she came home with us (we live close to the airport) to sleep some before taking a train to her home on Monday morning. I got up early and headed off to work as usual. A bit groggy, but I knew that massive amounts of coffee + a three day work would save me!
Day 143: Tuesday 23 May // I am a man of constant sorrow – Élage Diouf
I felt quite calm + at peace on Tuesday, but I also felt the heaviness of the struggles of people around me. Family, students, friends, and global neighbors that I don’t know. I just felt a cloud over the world and a sense of pain + suffering. So, I did all I could to share in the sufferings of the world by slowing down, being aware, being a bit more intentional about how I responded and interacted with others. I couldn’t fix any problems, nor was it my job to fix anything. But, I was aware of simply being present and trying to exude compassion + peace.
Day 144: Wednesday 24 May // O’ Be Joyful – Shovels & Rope
Wooo hooo! Last day of work this week! It was a good day, too. I am so blessed to have a place to work where I feel as if I have a purpose. Meaning. Just as it was to share in the pains + joys of my congregation members when I worked at a church, I also feel that same honor to share in the sufferings, fears, challenges, joys, and celebrations of my students at the high school where I world. So, on this day, I celebrated the gratitude that I feel for the work that I have – and the deep connection that can always be found when we share in each others’ joys and sufferings.
Day 145: Thursday 25 May // That Moon Song – Gregory Alan Isakov
The new moon on Thursday can still be felt today, should you care to try to connect with its vibes. Yesterday’s new moon was also a supermoon and a symbolic ushering in of a new phase for this year. What new things do you wish for your life? What new things do you feel emerging? You can check out my post from yesterday, if you’d like, and read a bit more about the new moon… plus I made a little moon playlist as well. Keep riding those waves of new beginnings, my friends.
Day 146: Friday 26 May // Never Been Alive – The Avett Brothers
Right now, my friends, I am just basking. Just feeling it all. Mostly pure gratitude. Being aware of all that is not stable, feeling the pressure of others, soaking it in, and yet, doing so without letting it cause me pain or trouble. I think this is what empathy looks like. In other words, I am staying woke. Being present and available to others, yet taking deep care of my soul and living my life as well.
Basically, I’m taking it easy today. Writing. Blogging. Listening to music. Creating. Doing laundry. And preparing for a little dinner party at our place tonight. Enjoying the second day of the 4-day weekend. Living lagom.
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Happy weekend, loves! xoxo. liz.
Liz, I love how you took time to be intentional about feeling the sorrows and suffering on the 23rd. That is such a perfect way to describe how I should handle those feelings of others and those feelings in myself. To take time to be intentional and honor those feelings. I also loved the pic of your place in the last pic. I love Swedish interior design and I’ve always loved the pictures that you’ve shown of your home. Please consider doing a tour of it now that it’s decorated to yours and Lina’s style. 🙂 I would love to capture the look of the Scandinavian style in my own home, but mine has far too much “stuff” in it.