What a month. So dark + emotional. So cozy + slow, and yet also filled with a flurry of activities. I just want to pop in here on this last night of the month in order to give myself a little closure. And prepare us for what is to come in December.
If you were with me in the beginning of November, I talked all about how it is a month of nothingness, a void. I think that it is this mystical, liminal kind of space because of the darkness that settles in and all around. Autumn weather often gives way to winter weather up here in Northern Europe. And the days become so short. Nature leaves me feeling like I am in a deep, dark, black void.
But, that’s not all I’ve felt. This November has also left me feeling exhausted. Partly because of the continued trauma of a global pandemic, the changes that come with moving to a new city (even though the move is an amazing change, it’s still a change), and our journey through the stages + process of grief. All of that has left me feeling like I’ve hit an emotional + physical wall. At the same time, my body + soul are carrying me in rhythm with the season. It is as if I no long have a choice – this is how I live. And it is such a deeply meaningful, spiritual, amazing way to live + experience life – in tune with, in alignment with, and in rhythm with the cycles of nature + the seasons of the year.
Since November is that dark, mysterious time of the year, that is the energy that I have had pulsing within me throughout the month. All I want to do is slow it way down, focus inward, and spend the long, dark nights resting, reflecting, and digging up a sense of closure after this wild year.
In this deep state of darkness, as the days of November have passed, I have come face to face with some of my own truths. What I want to do, how I want to work has been rising up from within me. Fears and worries that hold me back have been unearthed from the depths of my soul. Desires + dreams have begun to form again. That elusive sense of closure seems to be within reach.
My relationship with + work within the church has come to a final resting place I do believe. And, to confirm that, the other day when I attended an Advent service, it was the first time ever that I did not feel the pull to be doing what the minister was doing. Instead, I feel this calling to create my own spiritual community. I can’t believe I actually just wrote those words. I don’t even know what that means. What I do know is that I am called to spiritual, theological work… but in a way that I can work from within the framework of an acceptance and focus on each person exploring + discovering their own faith, truth, wisdom, and power… inspired by the great teachers, leaders, and divine spirit.
It’s been a deep month. And I am ready now to let it go, find some closure, and to move into the magic, silence, and ritual of December.
And, just so you know, for December, I will not be sharing 6 Mood of the Month posts as I have done since September. Instead I will be doing BLOGMAS. That means that I will be posting every day from the 1st until the Winter Solstice on the 21/22. Mostly I want to do this because I think it will be a way to create a slow moment of solitude in the midst of what can be a hurried, stressful, and busy month. A December ritual. I also think that it will be a fun way to reflect and document the month. Day by day. And, to let you in on a secret, it is a way to get me into regular writing so that I can begin to piece together a book that I want to write. Just to be clear, I have no agenda, no plans, no ideas for my Blogmas ritual. All I know is that I will begin my day by crafting a post + publishing it. Other than that, I will just let whatever will rise from my soul + spill out into this space.
So, that’s the plan!
I am so looking forward to this December. It feels like there is a lot going on in our life over the next 3-4 weeks, but I am also very certain about how I have learned to live slowly, even in the midst of everything in life. In fact, I cannot not live slowly anymore. The rhythm of nature is not only cyclical, but it is slow, mindful, present, and unfolding. And that is exactly the energy that I am bringing with me into December.
Well, friends, I believe that I have found my closure, so now it is time to publish this post + head to bed now. I’ll be up in a few hours, typing on this keyboard, sharing my first post of December with you.
Sleep well, loves. xoxo. liz.
