Honestly, except for wanting to celebrate my sweet mother who I miss more than words can say (thanks to the pandemic), I’d love for Mother’s Day to just disappear. Not a popular opinion, I suppose. And I guess some people may think I’m a Mother’s Day Scrooge. But, I’ve always had a hard time with this day. I think it’s for many reasons.
At an early age, I knew that it would be risky for me to get pregnant (long story, which is not the point of this post). THen in my 20s, I had a miscarriage. Later on, I processed + decided that adoption would be how I could become a mother. Then, I spent years sinking into the idea of not raising children + being totally fine with it. I had always felt that mothers come in all forms + can be found in all places. Blood does not have to make one a mother. Raising a child in your own household does not either.
For the past 25 years, I have worked with young people in one way or another. And I have shared mothering energy, love, and presence to a few young people along the way. I say that not to toot my own horn. but because I have had the pure, humble pleasure of having some of these sweet children of mine tell me that I have been like a mother, or a second mother, or however they worded it, to them. I count those words as some of the most important I have ever heard.
Over the past year, I found another opportunity to be a mother arise as Lina + I set our sights on becoming pregnant and raising a child together. We did get pregnant last year, but as many of you know, our little girl was facing a tough road ahead, so a couple fo months ago we said goodbye to her and went through the worst day of our lives.
Last weekend, we were able to visit the place where her ashes are now resting.
So, while I have never really enjoyed Mother’s Day (except for celebrating my own mom!) and I am angered by all of the ways that so many people who should be included are left out, I can honestly say that this year it has a whole new level of disappointment to it. And, yet, it also has a whole new sense of meaning as well.
The grief of losing our little girl is still heavy. But, the deep gratitude for the opportunity to nurture, love, care for, inspire, and share other young people also fills my heart so that it is overflowing. What the future holds, I am not really sure. But, I am certain that I, and everyone else, woman or man, who care for + nurtures others in that most special, unconditional way need a moment to pause + soak in the love that we so often send out. Today, maybe we can find the time to honor ourselves with a little love.
Today, in the midst of my crushed dreams of becoming a mom to little Peanut, I pause to celebrate all those who carry + share the energy of the mother into this world. Especially my dedicated, beloved mother + my inspiring, amazing wife.
All of us make a difference. And we all deserve this day to celebrate + give thanks for each other. So, with that, I end my lifelong irritation with Mother’s Day, and instead transform it, perhaps even because of the deep, personal grief I feel on this day this year, into a day of celebrating the divine mother in all of us. The sacred, loving, nurturing energy that flows through us all and brings warmth, light, and presence into a much-needed world.
Here’s a little prayer I ran across this morning. And I could not have expressed it better:
“Today we celebrate with those who are remembering their mothers with love and gratitude. We give thanks for all the ways that their mothers have cared for and been there for them—and we pray that those mothers be blessed with overflowing joy today and always…
“We pray, too, for those who are grieving the loss of a mother. May they be comforted, may they be blessed with sweet memories from this life, as well as a profound knowing of their beloved mom’s continuing presence in another form…
“We hold healing space for those who are still hurting because they have been wounded by a mother. May deep healing permeate every cell of their being, may they see themselves through the pure loving eyes of the divine Mother. May they know the goodness of their own true Nature…
“We give thanks for those who have poured out their hearts and become mothers to foster children, step-children, adopted children; and for those who provide a safe space for a neglected neighborhood kid to hang out and be a part of the family; for those who live always able to find room for one more. May their loving hearts be blessed with delight and abundance…
“We honor the Holy Mothers of the world: whether they have children or not, the women whose whole lives are about radiating kindness, the profoundly compassionate, nurturing, and wise ones who minister to the needs of the world and offer open arms and an ample lap to anyone who needs it…
“We embrace with understanding and love those who have longed to have children and been unable to. May they find solace, may they find peace, and may they find their way to nurture this deep longing and to bring forth birth in whatever form most serves their highest good…
“We honor and respect those who have chosen not to become mothers in this life—for whatever reason—and we give thanks for the many and diverse ways that they bless all of our lives…
“We surround with strength and hope those who feel worried or afraid because they have a child who is struggling—may they and their children know the profound help and resources that are found through deep connection with Spirit and may they be at peace…
“And today we hold with special care and tenderness those who have lost a child—whatever the age, whatever the circumstances. We surround them this day and every day with gentleness and love. We see their sorrow and we honor it. We feel their heartbreak and we grieve for them. We pray that as their profound loss is held in profound compassion, that their pain—as well as their love—may guide and transform them. May they be healed and may they be instruments of healing for others…
“We give thanks for all people who nurture…
“for the teachers and caregivers and doctors and healers among us,
“for the friends who answer the phone in the middle of the night, who visit us in the hospital and bring us food when we are sick,
“for the people… who hug and hold us when we are sad, who send kind inspiring notes when we are struggling, who laugh and play with us when we are happy, who pray for and with us continually…
—whether it is Mother’s Day or not—
to cultivate mindful,
compassionate,
nurturing
Presence.”
by Peggy Christiansen
Happy Mother’s Day, to all who care for others. xoxo. liz.
Liz,
Your words are so incredible and meaningful. Happy Mother’s Day to you and Lina because you two have been a mother to me. A mother is someone who is always there for you, who helps mold you into the person you are today. You are one amazing women!!!
❤️ Starr