Who starts the year confused? I know there’s no way to know what’s going to happen this year, but this past week I just felt all out of sync. The first week was amazing, due to the fact that I was away on holiday vacation. But, put me back into my regular life after 2 weeks off, and suddenly that totally in-sync feeling is gone + what’s left is a confusing mess.
Ok. Maybe I am exaggerating a teeny bit. But, I did feel off. Weird. Flat. I felt, actually, nothing. Except exhaustion. Perhaps that was normal for trying to get back to the routine of things? More than likely, it as just exactly what it was supposed to be. Even if it felt weird.
I just experienced it all so abruptly. From work to holidays in Sweden to vacation in the States to back to Sweden to back to work again. However, this past week I didn’t really feel like I was spinning, I just felt like… blah. No energy. No excitement. Just an insane need to sleep. And yet I stayed up late. Not doing anything productive. And, even though I was tired, work went well. However, there are some transitions at work for me right now… and I am feeling the changes that more than I realized I would, which is causing me to reassess + rethink how I do my work. Still, work was good.
snapshots from my morning walks to work
You know, instead of trying to explain this all, I’m just gonna let it be. I can’t explain it. I can’t wrap my mind around it. And, I do believe I don’t need to. Sometimes we (and by we, I mean I) overthink things. I try to see meaning in every little thing and sometimes it just is. So, this week just was… confusing.
Nevertheless, I balanced myself, grounded myself, returned to my morning rituals + routines, hugged some trees, and have done absolutely nothing but engage in self care all weekend long. Am I stoked about going back to work tomorrow? Not really, to be honest. Do I have a handle on what was off last week so I don’t have to relieve it this week? Not one freaking bit. But, that’s how it is. And that is ok.
morning routines + rituals. always.
Instead of trying to figure it all out, though, I am focusing on gathering all of the things that support me, trusting this slow + quiet + confusing easing into this year, and taking it all one present moment at a time. And, that, my friends, brings me peace. Even in the confusion + uncertainty + unknown. Like I say all the time, there really is magic + meaning in everyday life, in the simple things, if we just stay committed to living mindfully + slowly..
A date night with my love
So, all of this is how I stayed connected, even though I didn’t feel connected. That’s the thing, isn’t it? There are times, days, weeks, months, even (god forbid) years that we just don’t feel it.
But, my 43 years have taught me that to keep showing up. To keep balancing, grounding, praying, meditating, growing, and living anyway. Because it’s all the days of our lives that make up the days of our lives. Not just the milestones or hallelujah moments. It’s every sunrise + sunset + everything in-between. It’s the big moments + the little, forgettable moments as well.
What would life be if I only lived for the mountaintops? What would life be if I understood it all right here, right now? It wouldn’t be a beautiful, crazy, emotional, real, topsy-turvy, authentic, deep, rich, true experience of life. And, by god, that’s the kind of life that I want.
Weekend vibes: coffee, snow, walks, and coziness at home
So, this week was confusing in ways that I don’t even understand. Confusing is the only word I can come up with. But, you know, so freakin what? It was one damn beautiful week that has now become part of my life. And for that I am unbelievably, unspeakably grateful.
Now, on to a new week. And, in preparation for it, I am asking myself: “This week I want to feel…”. I’m gonna do a little journaling and visioning before I go to bed to reflect on some of the inspiration I have actually gotten this weekend from different people. And then I’m going to set my intentions for the feeling that I want to create, for the energy that I want to create, throughout this coming week.
What are you hoping for? What do you want to feel this week? Wishing you all the best, lovelies. And, should you find yourself feeling blah or confused, just keep on. Keep your routines, rituals, and gather all of those people + things that give you support, love, and inspiration. And trust in the magical unfolding of life.