i choose now

“what is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. but we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” – jack kerouac, on the road

at some point we have to stop saying goodbye, stop seeing everything that we are leaving behind, stop focusing on what has been, and begin to look forward. don’t get me wrong, it’s great to sit and reflect and give thanks over + over again for the precious, beautiful, life-changing memories. but, soon, it’s time to cast our eyes ahead… to look forward to what comes next. even if it is unknown and scary and overwhelming.

in reality, it’s all how we choose to see it. it’s all about our choices – how will we react, what we will focus on, what attitude + energy do we wish to put out there into the great, big, wide world and into our little families? basically, what i’m saying is that it’s up to me to continue to focus on what i am leaving behind in asheville and still feel excited about moving to sweden, or to begin to look forward to what comes next (because i am excited about), and begin to leave my sadness behind. i can still have both feelings, but it’s up to me which one i let rule my days. it’s up to me to determine and decide if i want the melancholy or the adventure to take centerstage.

and, if you know me, you know which one i choose.

so, today is the day i make the shift. no more saying goodbye to asheville and these mountains. no more moping around and letting the sadness and guilt take over. today, i choose to give thanks and put our asheville time into place. it’s the ending of this asheville chapter (will there be more? who knows?!). my final sentences are being written right now. and it’s time to turn the page.

it’s time to welcome all of the adventures and experiences and joy and pain and life that awaits me. it’s time to take that next big step, that next leap of faith, and to grab hold of the incredible opportunities that are waiting for me. i mean, seriously. moving to europe yet again? for a third time? how lucky am i? there is no freaking time to waste! life is too unbelievably wonderful to not squeeze out the joy – wherever we are, whatever happens, no matter how uncertain and insecure all of the details of life may be (and believe me… our details of life in sweden are completely insecure and uncertain!).

but, i’ll say it again. it’s up to me to choose how i wish to live. and how i wish to share my life with the world. it’s all. up. to. me.

and today, i choose excitement. i choose joy in the midst of sorrow. i choose adventure in the midst of fear. i choose to see the light in the midst of the darkness. today, i choose looking forward with hope, instead of gazing backwards with sadness.

but, more than simply being a hopeful, future-dweller, i choose this moment. right freaking now. this day. this second. i choose now. and in the middle of right now, i am able to be calm. i can look back at my asheville memories with a big, fat, huge grin on my face, a tear in my eye, and a hand on my heart, knowing that my soul has been touched + i have been changed. and i can look forward to sweden with a twinkle in my eye and a deep, cleansing breath that readies me to jump into the unknown once again. i can balance all of those feelings because i am present. right here. right now. filled with peace.

and there is no time like the present.

onwards + upwards! xoxo

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