i hate the process.

trust the process.

yeah right. something i’m actually not good at. though i truly try to be. sometimes i get a dream in my head, one that i really want to chase… one that i actually begin to chase, and i want it all to happen quickly. i have ideas, plans, connections, and i’m ready for it all to work out. now.

and then, on top of the fact that i can’t snap my fingers & make my dream just instantly happen, there are times when i have a dream, one that i know is from my soul, and i have no freaking idea how to get started with it. ok. maybe i have a tiny idea, but i’m overwhelmed. or maybe there are too many options & i can’t focus on where to begin, which way to go. that’s how i feel right now. i have a dream. i want to make it real. but, i don’t know where to start. i need help, people.

i work part-time, so that means that i have time right now to chase my dreams of getting published, taking photos, and writing. doing all that creative stuff i love, you know. i don’t want it to just be a hobby anymore. i want to freelance. i want to write & submit things on a regular basis. and get paid for it. (who doesn’t?) the thing is, i have no idea how to get started. how to make this happen. who do i get in touch with? how do i find connections? how do i really, really begin?

of course, the real issue is that i want instant gratification, instead of the process. even though one experience after another in my life has taught me that the process is the purpose… that the journey is important, not the destination. right now, all my dreams are lying in front of me, the whole world is lying out in front of me, and i just want to get to where i want to be in life. i just want to make happen all that i want to happen.

i struggle with this. still. it’s so dumb. i know better. i know that the process of getting my dream to reality is the amazing part. and i know that in order to make that dream a reality, all i have to do is get started. i just need to do something. and trust that the universe works all things for good. and that the whole was to making my dreams come true is a magical, fantastic journey.

but, sometimes it’s so difficult to wait. i only see the fruits of others’ labor, and i want what they have. i wanna be where they are… established, living the dream, traveling, writing, photographing. and that’s their job.  it’s difficult to see the results that other people have, those who are living the dreams that i have, without knowing their process.

i hear about a singer/songwriter who got started on youtube, and is now successful and living her dream of making music full-time. what i don’t see is her 3 year struggle to make that one video that jumpstarted her dream. i see the family who adopted 4 african boys, transforming all of their lives. but i don’t see the 2 year process they went through before they could bring the boys home. and i see the amazing photos of a young, talented, photographer in new york city, as she lives her dream of walking the streets of the big apple, snapping gorgeous urban shots, teaching workshops, and creating art. what i don’t see is her journey from amateur photographer with a tiny point-and-shoot camera to the artist she is today. i read the memoir of a woman who quit her job, traveled, and wrote about her experiences. but, i don’t see the time between the traveling & the writing.

we live in a world of instant gratification. we want it, and we want it now. we don’t want the process, the journey. we don’t want the hard stuff, the difficult times, the sacrifice it takes. we just want the result, and we want it the way we want it.

yes, i want my dreams to come true. and i admit, i want them sooner rather than later.

but, now that i am writing this, i am remembering what’s really important (geez writing helps me think things through). i remember now all of the processes and journeys i have been through already in my life. seventeen years ago i wanted to move to europe. i dreamed of it. i wished for it. i went through years of waiting, panicking, and almost giving up. but, after 15 years, it happened. i did it. and yes, i wanted my dream to come true instantly, but the 15 year journey was worth it. it was life-changing, transforming, and just the preparation i needed. looking back i understand everything. the process was the point. the process is where life is found. what would life be if we simply dreamed a dream, and poof! it materialized? where would all the experiences be? all the people, places, and things that happened that shape & transform us?

so, even though i have all my dreams that i want to come true now, i must remember & trust the process. i must trust myself and the universe. my dreams will come true…exactly when they are supposed to. in the meantime, i’m gonna keep working toward them. in the meantime i’m gonna keep believing in them. and most importantly, in the meantime, i’m gonna keep soaking up every moment in my present life that i can. who knows where today’s experiences and inspirations might lead me?

and if any of you have any concrete ideas/leads as to how i get started making my writing/blogging something i can actually do, please let me know. how do people just write? how do they just travel? i don’t have a bottomless bank account where i can just sit at home or take off on a plane. how do people do it?!

hope you’ve had a great monday, and that your week ahead looks exciting. wishing you peace in the midst of your process.