The timing of these cards + what is going on in my everyday life has been pure magic so far. I wonder how it has been for you… For me, I have an an “in your face” run in with my priestess powers during the weekend. If you don’t know what I mean, just stay with me. I hope it will become clearer as I write + process it all. In any case, the weekend caused me to me pause and to stop for a moment, listen to my soul, reflect on different parts of my life, and begin to wonder how to embrace my priestess vibes moving forward.
Ok. First, let me share with you what I experienced yesterday. I was in Norrköping from last Wednesday to Saturday. First, for a work thing. Then, for a family thing. A little background info: Lina was born + raised in Norrköping; and it was the first city I lived + worked in when I moved to Sweden in 2010. So, it’s kind of my Swedish hometown. It’s cozy + beautiful + I get all nostalgic when I am there.
Saturday, though, was extra special. Our niece got baptized in the church where I worked when we lived there. Not only was it a visit to my old work place, it was also a visit to the fellowship of people who Lina grew up with (of course, not everyone is there). So, basically, back in the day, I got to work as a minister (priestess) with the same congregation Lina grew up with. And it is through this spiritual community that Lina + I first met 11 years ago as well. So, there was all of this history + magic + love surrounding us, not only because of our niece’s baptism; but also because of the deep connections we have to those people.
So, we hugged a bunch of necks. Kissed cheeks. And caught up with some pretty amazing people that we don’t get to see that often. Honestly, it was a big ego boost to hear everyone telling us how much we are missed and how fresh + happy we look. So, it’s no wonder that I began missing, longing for, pondering what it would be like to work there again. It’s a natural reaction whenever I return to a place that means so much to me. Because I have moved + left + evolved from so many places. Still, upon returning + stepping back into my “old” life, I always wonder + imagine. Sweet feelings of nostalgia + remembrances of otherwise forgotten moments creep up from the hidden spaces of my soul’s memory.
As we started the baptism, though, I began feeling a sense of deep sadness. A longing. I sat and watched the priest, baptizing his own granddaughter, and I thought of my minister grandfather who baptized me 44 years ago. He, who has also been my life’s inspiration + spiritual guide, even though he passed away when I was 11 years old. To be like granddad, to follow in his footsteps, on my own path… that has always been my direction. And, I wondered, as I missed his physical presence + watched my niece, have I strayed from that direction?
I watched + participated in the ritual and the liturgy of the church, feeling an emptiness in my life. Like a piece has been missing. Or, rather, that is there, but I don’t use it. I don’t have an outlet for it. I don’t know how to use it in my present life. All in all, what I am trying to say is… I missed being a minister. I missed living out my priestess calling.
And, that sent my heart + mind + soul on a wild ride of not knowing what to do with all of those feelings. If I miss it, then maybe I need to return to it. But, how? I don’t believe the same things as I did in the past. I need more space + room + freedom than a Christian congregation gives me. And, then, how can I miss something that ultimately kicked me out because of who I love? How could I ever try to fit my wide, deep, inclusive spirituality + theology into a little denominational round peg again? That’s impossible to me. And, also, I do not related to those organizational ways anymore (ok. I never really did). Yet, I still admit + accept + give thanks for the foundation that my theology has given me; I still desire to learn more + more; but I cannot subscribe to one belief system any longer. Instead, I see the same Truth, the same Divine, in all.
So, I cannot return to the minister, the priestess, I was before. But, where do I go from here?
And, that’s when I saw today’s card: the Priestess.
Holy shit. The priestess. On the Monday after all of these ponderings, feelings, and reflections on my old life + my life to come. On the cusp of a new year. As we move from an inner, reflective year to a more outer, active one. Immediately, I found myself thinking: how can I embody my priestly calling?
Speaking of inner, that’s what the priestess is all about. She inspires us to go inward. To trust our intuition. She’s a lover of the moon. And a leader of spiritual things. I dare say that I have connected with my inner priestess as I have moved through 2018. It has been such an internal year for me. So much happening in the depths of my soul. Not much to be seen by anyone else, but I’ve felt it all.
And, I wonder, with this card today… how is my inner priestess, my intuition, leading me in looking forward. Not backward. I cannot go back to the minister (the priestess) that I was before, so what do I do? Where do I go? And how do I do it? Because, if one thing is super clear to me, it is that now is the time to take all of that inner stuff + embody it in the world. Now is the time, perhaps, to embody what it means for me to be a priestess (minister) at this point in my life. Merging all of the experiences + knowledge + wisdom of all the years past.
The message is clear to me. And it is even more clear when I read Rebecca Campbell’s words in the Work Your Light Oracle Card Guidebook. I mean, seriously… couldn’t be more clear:
“The Priestess is a teacher dedicated to service, freedom, and leadership. You don’t have to have it all together to lead… Let your life be your message. Don’t underestimate the power of sharing your story… The difference between a follower + a leader is that a leader has the courage to go first. In stepping out, they shine a light on the path for others to venture forward too. Don’t fret too much about trying to work out who your tribe is. The best way to discover your tribe is to look in the mirror… You don’t need to know the way, just believe that there might be a different one.Your tribe is waiting for you. Step forward so they can find you.”
The thing about the Priestess is that she tells us that we have all the answers within us. We already know. Because we are already connected with the divine spirit. All I needed was a reminder. I needed to feel + experience + wonder about it all yesterday when I was in the old church where I worked. I needed those emotions + thoughts to rise up again. I needed it because I needed to know where I am now. I needed to remember that I am ready to lead right now. And needed it to know where I am headed.
Of course, I don’t know where the hell I am headed exactly. Just that I am embracing my powers as a priestess, my powers of spiritual coaching + healing + writing. 2018 has grounded + rooted me in knowing and trusting my own wisdom. And, it is this that I am taking forward with me into the new year.
This weekend was the perfect setting + time for me to remember those moments + spaces that still wake the deepest places of my soul. Time for me to realize that I long to lead a group of people, that I long to create a spiritual tribe. Time for me to accept that I don’t know how to do that, but I don’t need to. And time for me to remember my deep priestly calling, the one that I first heard when I was 18 years old. And it is my intuition that guides me to discover how to take all of my rich past, merge it with the deep possibility of the present, and grow a grounded, fertile, thriving community – somewhere, somehow, someday.
Questions for you to ponder:
What places, moments, spaces, people remind you of the deepest parts of your soul?
How are you being called to step up + lead in your life right now?
Where have you been? Where are you now? Where are you going? Listen to your intuition
Let’s all just slow down for a moment on this Monday. Put our hand over our heart. Take a deep breath. And trust that we know. Whatever we are seeking, we already know it. We know the way, even if we don’t know it. We know who we are, even if we aren’t sure. We know our calling, our truth, our personal legend, even if we feel we have no purpose.
Hand on heart. Deep breathe. Do this often. Check in with your soul. She will reveal it all + show you the way. The more we spend time with her, the more we honor our own inner priestess, the more we will know. I promise.