about a week ago, i had a request from a fellow blogger, the mezz, to begin a series on my journey to peace. as i said before, i was humbled & overwhelmed. and somehow i knew it was a sign… a sign that the time had come to finally tell the story i had been yearning to tell for 4 years.
so, i’ve begun.
i’ll post my first entry here as a blog post, and perhaps each one after i write it as a blog post too, but you can also follow the whole story at the top of my home page under the “from death to peace” link. i will keep my story there. i have no idea how long it will be, how much i will write, or what i will say exactly. i am just going to write until i am done, until i’ve said everything i need to and want to say. i am not promising a post every day or every week, or anything like that. i will just write as it comes to me.
i am truly excited about this series of posts, of this push that i now i have write and tell my story. i am telling it because i know that i must, it’s just something that i feel from deep within. telling you everything is part of my continuing journey to peace.
so, with butterflies in my stomach, my heart racing, and my hands shaking as i click the keys on my keyboard, i give you my first post…
i died when i was 33.
ironically, the same age as jesus when he was crucified.
and that was actually really ironic at that time in my life since i was also completing my masters of divinity degree (= studying theology) and working as a minister in a church. i never expected to die. especially right then. but, i did.
however, that’s not the end of the story. it’s actually the beginning…
you see, i rose again. not in some physical sense like we hear about how jesus rose, because i did not die in a physical way. but, just as i died, i rose… from my death to my life. one elizabeth died, and another one rose. and life would never, ever be the same again.
now i can split my life into two completely different parts. two volumes. two phases. two me’s (and yet the same me). before death & after death. however, it did not all happen in one day; my death and rebirth spanned across one entire year. though, i could actually say that the death part was shorter than the rebirth. perhaps i’m still in the rebirth part… still discovering.
during that year i finished my master’s degree, traveled to ancient greece, led a college group to scandinavia & the baltic countries, got divorced, quit my job at the church, spent an unbelievable amount of time alone with my journal & my thoughts, met my soulmate, sold or gave away almost everything i owned, and moved to denmark. but those are all of the external things that were going on.
internally, i was finding peace. in the midst of chaos, confusion, pain, and uncertainty, i found peace. in a journal entry dated 16 may, 2007, i wrote:
not until this week did i realize that in my life-long quest for peace, i sought the shallow “peace without conflict” in my marriage [and my entire life up to that point]. on monday, i took the bull by the horns and was finally ready to accept and experience peace as presence… in the midst of conflict. all fear has been cast out…. in the midst of pain, i found peace and strength and courage.
that was the death part.
the rebirth part began internally, as i began discovering myself. and the journey inward, combined with the journeys i made around the world that year, brought me back to life.
and so, begins my story. a story that i have been yearning to tell for 4 years now. finally, the time is right. so, i’m going to tell it here. to all of you.
it is my journey from death to peace.