I don’t know. Maybe every week I feel differently at the end of the week than the beginning of the week. But, this week I definitely feel that way. I feel as if I’ve passed through a portal. Made a shift. Evolved a little. In just 7 days. Is it really possible that the full moon lunar eclipse changed my perspective?
To begin to understand, I think I need to go back to the beginning of the week and work my way through it.
The beginning
The week started off oh a high note. We’d returned from a short weekend road trip on Sunday night + my excitement for moving was at a new high. So, early Monday morning, before work, I intentionally grounded myself. I sat at my kitchen window, wrote a little, and allowed my soul to center itself in the hopes that I could carry this inspiration + excitement into my workday. But, as soon as I arrived at work, the chaos of the last “normal” week of a very un-normal year began.
I love my job. But, to be honest, I have been moving into a “just get me out of here” kind of attitude. I work hard to not let it affect me at work – I do all that I am supposed to + to the best of my ability. But, I am slowly separating myself from this work. And I think that it is something that I really need to do. I have put my heart + soul into it for5 and a half years, and in order to move on, I need to begin to take steps reunite + reclaim my life. And, in doing that, I have begun to see that this work is not at all where I am supposed to be anymore. Basically, what I mean, is that these last few months have affirmed my decision to move on and open myself to other opportunities. The whole, ” just get me out of here” mood is based on how wrong this all feels for me now. But, instead of giving into that panicky, negativity, I am working hard to stay present from day to day. And I’m seeking out those tender, meaningful moments that have been the highlight of my work for the past few years.
Still, I am so ready to move on. And, in my daily moments of centering + meditation, I could feel the pull of the energy of the upcoming full moon lunar eclipse leading me closer + closer to taking back my own power to create the energy that I want in my life… instead of just letting the energy around me dictate + affect me.
The middle
Since our pregnancy with Peanut ended in February, or actually since the beginning of the pandemic in early 2020, I have been reacting to everything that has been happening to me/to us. The deep and numerous moments of pain + disappointment + grief + fear that Lina + I have experienced have caused me to simply give myself over to letting life happen to me. I’ve been in react + survive mode, instead of create + thrive mode. And, just to be honest, I don’t feel bad for that – or that I should have done anything any differently. There are times in life when we are not in create + thrive mode. There are years, months, days, moments that aren’t ok.
But, those times do not last for always. There is always a shift, a portal, a transition, a time to balance it all out. And that’s what I think this eclipse portal is providing for me. Before the full moon this past Wednesday, I wrote in my journal that I was exhausted, physically + mentally + emotionally. That I was tired of reacting to the things happening around me + to me. And I understood that what I needed was a sense of calm, grounded empowerment. So that , even though I can’t control life, I can control + choose my own energy.
Under the bright light of the full moon, I felt the illumination of it all. Of understanding how it has been for a year now. And, then, as the eclipse occurred + passed over the moon, I felt the shift and an opening to a new way of seeing my way forward. It was as if the full moon eclipse closed one chapter + opened another for me. On the other side, after the eclipse, I realized that this portal has opened a new way of living. That how I choose to live + the energy I choose to create and share will be done from an even deeper space than before… because of all that has happened.
The full moon +lunar eclipse invited me to burn away any energy that has been limiting and old, keeping me small + stifling my energy. Instead, this became a time to clear, cleanse, purify and understand that it is time to grow into the next version of me.
I spent my days at work and my mornings + evenings at home reflecting on all of this. I’ve been through a difficult season. But, I am certain that, thanks to the reminder from the eclipse energy, I am entering a new season.
The end (which is just the next beginning)
So, what now? I mean, there was no magical eclipse moment where everything was just suddenly different. What is different, though, is my perspective. It is how I understand + gather up all of the lessons of all of life, of this past year, of grief + love, and apply them to my way forward.
The end of this week is simply the beginning of another. But, it is also a new beginning. One where I have a deeper understanding. The full moon lunar eclipse didn’t do anything to me… ok, it did make me physically exhausted + unable to focus as it pulled on the waters in my body + on the earth… but, mostly, it was a reminder, a symbol of transitions and shifts in life. The eclipse served as an opportunity to observe nature + the cosmos, and then understand how life, I believe, unfolds in the exact same way. Illumination. Darkness. Shadow, Movement. Illumination again.
Mother Earth has only confirmed the unfolding, cyclical nature of life to me even more during the ending of this week. Before + during the full moon lunar eclipse, the weather was cold, gray, and rainy. Not at all how the end of May should be. And I dare say that it affected my mood as well. But, as the full moon has now begun to wane and the eclipse is over, the weather here in Sweden slowly has begun to turn. By Friday, the sun was shining again + warming everything up. Reminding me, also, of the transitions, shifts, and portals that we move through over + over again. Growing, evolving, understanding more with each day. Moving higher, anchoring deeper, opening wider, and aligning more to our true nature.
So, yes. 7 days has changed my perspective. The full moon lunar eclipse inspired me. And, I am ready to move forward. Into next week. To see what new perspectives, new lessons from nature + the cosmos, new ponderings of my heart + soul, new moments of challenge + joy await. There’s a lot in my calendar for the week ahead. So, I will do my best to move slowly + intentionally through it all. For now, it’s time for another apartment showing! So, I’ve gotta get my ass outta bed and help Lina prepare the apartment.
All my love, y’all. xoxo. liz.
