“Disappointment, without anger, is the mark of an old soul. Not being disappointed, Liz, is the mark of a really old soul. And trusting life so thoroughly that every step on its path is valued more than where it was supposed to take you, is the mark of eternal youth.”
You hottie,
The Universe (14 may 2015)
yesterday i got a rejection email following up on an interview i had aw week or so ago. they said it was stiff competition between me and another person. i felt pretty good about the job. or did i? i don’t know these days. it’s hard to not let my desperation to find a job and make money not override my sense of who i am and how i want to live my life. in any case. it feels sucky that they decided to go with the other person.
now, i can choose to focus on the things that go wrong, or scare me, or make me wake up in the middle of the night and fill my head with anxiety, or bring me down.
or, i can choose to focus on things that make me feel good. whole. complete. and down right ok with everything, choosing to trust that things will work out.
by focusing on the good, i am not eliminating or running away from the bad. nope. i still feel it all. and i let myself feel it for a bit.
my brother likes to call it “sitting with it.”
you sit with your shit. just let it be. just let yourself cry. or curl up into a ball. let yourself have a bad day, a day when you feel off. let yourself unwind. admit to yourself how things really are. all of which i did last night and this morning.
and while you’re sitting with it, might i suggest a few things to help you get through. just so you know, friends, these are 5 things i’ve done this week. 5 things that have reminded me to smile + to breathe. even though i’ve not been feeling tip top. even though disappointment + stress are following me around. still, these 5 things, have helped me to maintain as much balance as possible.
1. express yourself (talk. express what you are feeling, or not. just get some positive people around you.)
wedding planning with lina’s brother + his fianceé. lina + i are the reception emcees!
2. get inspired (listen to music, play music, read, create art, write, look at art, take some photos, cook/bake)
my work space for the past 2 weeks: writing my book always refocuses me.
made a yummy dinner!
3. watch something on netflix/tv (just veg for a little bit)
a glass of wine + some tv. yesssss.
4. go inside (and by inside, i mean, inside your self. light some candles + meditate.)
my little sitting place for morning meditations.
5. go outside (get moving. exercise. change your environment. fill your wild soul with some nature.)
a walk by the river in downtown uppsala
the sun was shining, so i had to get out + walk in my neighborhood.
there is a fine line, though, i think between letting ourselves just sit with it, and getting stuck.
there is nothing wrong with redirecting our attention. you know, avoidance. by going to exercise, or surrounding ourselves with someone who lifts our spirits, or obsessing over beautiful things on pinterest, or watching our favorite netflix series, or just sleeping. anything that calms us down and gives us a little sense of peace of mind for a little bit is a good thing.
but there’s a deeper way of “sitting with it”. once we’ve gone away from the pain and disappointment for a bit, then i believe it’s time to deal with it. and by that, i mean to reflect on it, analyze, ponder, question, and yes, feel whatever feelings bubble up. the point is to understand what is going on and why we are feeling this way. and, of course, this can be done alone or with someone else. i personally prefer a little of both. but, it needs to be done. it is a necessary part of moving on.
then, it’s time to stand up again.
there comes a time when we just need to choose to say that we are done with this shit for now. and that’s when the action starts. that’s when everything changes. that’s when we begin to move on.
sitting with it is healthy i think. it means that we admit that things are not great. and that we don’t run away from those feelings and thoughts of things being not great. but, sitting with it means that we also take an active role in making it better. we don’t just sit there, like a lump on a log, crying “poor me!”. we admit that we feel that way, and we don’t judge those feelings, but then we begin to wonder why we feel that way and what we can do to move past those feelings.
so, whenever you feel like crap and you’re having a day from hell. admit it. feel it. and don’t feel bad about it. redirect yourself towards something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel calm. and then, do the work to help you get yourself out of the shit. figure stuff out and know that you will not feel like this forever.
and then, stand up, brush yourself off, and start moving forward again.
sending you lots of love + courage + strength.
I read somewhere that anger that lasts longer than 10 minutes is old anger — not about what’s in the moment.
I wonder if disappointment, sadness is the same? If we sit in it too long, it’s about the past, not the present?
Great post. Love your five things. One of my things is to dance. Crank the music up and dance around the house in wild abandon.
Oh yes! Dance! I should have added that, Louise! It is such a freeing way of physically letting go. Even without knowing you personally, I can totally see you getting it all out by wildly spinning and jumping. 🙂
Thank you for this! I just dropped my babies off at AVL to go to Finland for the first time without me, and am figuratively sitting in my own self-pity and sadness in my sauna as I read this. But you are right, I will continue to sit it in it for a little while longer, but then I will force myself to get out of this place… and off to a GNO I was about to cancel. There are daiquiri to drink out there. It’d be such a pity if I denied them the access to my liver that they deserve just because I want to stay home and hide in my cave!
Oh, my goodness. That has got to feel tough and empty right now. Way to go… spending some time sulking and then moving on to some daiquiri fun! Hope you have a good weekend – and treat your liver well (however you interpret that!). 😉 xoxo
I’m sorry about the job and can feel your frustration but you’re meant for greater things than that job or that person who hired the other person may realize that they hired the wrong person for the job. It may come back around or you may get something even better.
Thanks, dear friend. You are so right. I believe that it will definitely be all work itself out! Love ya!
HI Liz
I really enjoyed reading this post and loved your beautiful photos too. I think I will certainly take on what you say about sitting with it for a bit – my world always seems to come crashing down when rejection knocks and I try and throw all my energy into the mantra “this too shall pass”. I hope you have a much better day today. Regards Rachel
Hi Rachel,
Thanks so much for your comment and your kind words. It’s hard to deal with rejection and disappointment, balancing sitting with it and moving on. I spent so many years in my life just moving on, without dealing with what I was feeling. I hope that you find some comfort in sitting with it, if you try. Happy weekend to you! xx
Love this! Going through the same sh+++ while revamping my business and not trying to let the 6-day-work-week destroy me… You’re so lucky to have time on your hands because time right now is a real luxury in my world. But I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. It’s all meant to be – don’t let that job or possibility of money making override the person you are meant to be! 🙂
We can cheer each other on in our endeavors as we try to stick to our guns! YEAH. 🙂
Yes, totally!
How did you know how I was spending my weekend?! This one hit home, Liz.
Didn’t you know I was psychic?! Hehe. It’s funny how writing from your heart actually ends up being exactly what someone else may need to hear. Always stay true to who you are… that’s the lesson for us writers! Hope your weekend was peaceful + filled your soul. xx