“Disappointment, without anger, is the mark of an old soul. Not being disappointed, Liz, is the mark of a really old soul. And trusting life so thoroughly that every step on its path is valued more than where it was supposed to take you, is the mark of eternal youth.”
The Universe (14 may 2015)
yesterday i got a rejection email following up on an interview i had aw week or so ago. they said it was stiff competition between me and another person. i felt pretty good about the job. or did i? i don’t know these days. it’s hard to not let my desperation to find a job and make money not override my sense of who i am and how i want to live my life. in any case. it feels sucky that they decided to go with the other person.
now, i can choose to focus on the things that go wrong, or scare me, or make me wake up in the middle of the night and fill my head with anxiety, or bring me down.
or, i can choose to focus on things that make me feel good. whole. complete. and down right ok with everything, choosing to trust that things will work out.
by focusing on the good, i am not eliminating or running away from the bad. nope. i still feel it all. and i let myself feel it for a bit.
my brother likes to call it “sitting with it.”
you sit with your shit. just let it be. just let yourself cry. or curl up into a ball. let yourself have a bad day, a day when you feel off. let yourself unwind. admit to yourself how things really are. all of which i did last night and this morning.
and while you’re sitting with it, might i suggest a few things to help you get through. just so you know, friends, these are 5 things i’ve done this week. 5 things that have reminded me to smile + to breathe. even though i’ve not been feeling tip top. even though disappointment + stress are following me around. still, these 5 things, have helped me to maintain as much balance as possible.
1. express yourself (talk. express what you are feeling, or not. just get some positive people around you.)
wedding planning with lina’s brother + his fianceé. lina + i are the reception emcees!
2. get inspired (listen to music, play music, read, create art, write, look at art, take some photos, cook/bake)
my work space for the past 2 weeks: writing my book always refocuses me.
made a yummy dinner!
3. watch something on netflix/tv (just veg for a little bit)
a glass of wine + some tv. yesssss.
4. go inside (and by inside, i mean, inside your self. light some candles + meditate.)
my little sitting place for morning meditations.
5. go outside (get moving. exercise. change your environment. fill your wild soul with some nature.)
a walk by the river in downtown uppsala
the sun was shining, so i had to get out + walk in my neighborhood.
there is a fine line, though, i think between letting ourselves just sit with it, and getting stuck.
there is nothing wrong with redirecting our attention. you know, avoidance. by going to exercise, or surrounding ourselves with someone who lifts our spirits, or obsessing over beautiful things on pinterest, or watching our favorite netflix series, or just sleeping. anything that calms us down and gives us a little sense of peace of mind for a little bit is a good thing.
but there’s a deeper way of “sitting with it”. once we’ve gone away from the pain and disappointment for a bit, then i believe it’s time to deal with it. and by that, i mean to reflect on it, analyze, ponder, question, and yes, feel whatever feelings bubble up. the point is to understand what is going on and why we are feeling this way. and, of course, this can be done alone or with someone else. i personally prefer a little of both. but, it needs to be done. it is a necessary part of moving on.
then, it’s time to stand up again.
there comes a time when we just need to choose to say that we are done with this shit for now. and that’s when the action starts. that’s when everything changes. that’s when we begin to move on.
sitting with it is healthy i think. it means that we admit that things are not great. and that we don’t run away from those feelings and thoughts of things being not great. but, sitting with it means that we also take an active role in making it better. we don’t just sit there, like a lump on a log, crying “poor me!”. we admit that we feel that way, and we don’t judge those feelings, but then we begin to wonder why we feel that way and what we can do to move past those feelings.
so, whenever you feel like crap and you’re having a day from hell. admit it. feel it. and don’t feel bad about it. redirect yourself towards something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel calm. and then, do the work to help you get yourself out of the shit. figure stuff out and know that you will not feel like this forever.
and then, stand up, brush yourself off, and start moving forward again.
sending you lots of love + courage + strength.