day 3: something i wore.(and incompatible me).

today it was all about the jeans and the tee… my go-to outfit. my fav outfit. my i-can-wear-this-everyday outfit. it’s just me. casual. carefree. relaxed. simple.

wearing my fav style today got me thinking… about me. who i am. these clothes, while they may not be fancy or anything special, are precisely who i am. i was home all day (except a necessary grocery store run), so i could just be me in all my jeans & tee-shirt glory. i had no one to impress, nothing to worry about, no goal except comfort & a fun-lovin’ style.

it’s funny. just as i was feeling so comfortable with myself (my outfit. hehe.)today, there were people voting on issues that make a statement on who i am. you see, as i’ve said earlier this week & earlier today, there was a vote in the united methodist church (umc) regarding the church’s stance on homosexuality coming up. well, the vote was today. and the vote did not go well. they voted against me, actually. the church voted 60ish% to 30ish% (i think) to keep the language in the umc rule/theology book the same as it has been for 40 years. that language says that homosexuality & LGBT people are incompatible with christian teaching. the amendment presented was to remove those words, and instead place in a statement on agreeing to disagree, acknowledging that we have so many different views & beliefs on this (and other issues). but, that was voted down. the word “incompatible” remains. ugh.

do you know what that means to me? it means that this church, which i have loved my entire life, refuses to take a stand on equality, refuses to put relationships over rules, refuses to focus on grace instead of sin; continues to discriminate, continues to call homosexuality (and therefore all LGBT people) a sin, refers to all LBGT people as unholy, causes pain  & division, and continues to take part in the oppression, bigotry, and hatred of a minority group. how is this possible in the united methodist church?!

you may think i’m over the top in what i say. but, it is true. you may thing of me as some radical, protesting, activist. and i am. i listened to people say today that who i am is a sin, who i love is a sin, and that i do not deserve the same treatment/rights as the powerful majority. i also heard the silence of many people who refuse to speak out, but are willing to maintain the status quo. well, not me. nope. i will speak out. i will write. i will post. i will make contact. and i will fight for equal rights. but, not just for equal rights of LGBT people, but for all people. everywhere.

and i don’t need the church to tell me who i am. i know exactly who i am. besides, today, the church got it wrong. i am somebody. somebody with gifts, with passion, with love, with a message. i would love to have the affirmation of the church that i grew up in and admired so much for it’s focus on grace & social issues. but, the church i saw today, the church that i have seen over the past few years, is not concerned with focusing on grace and working for social justice. instead, the umc of today is more concerned with numbers of members, saving itself, pointing out sins, and not rocking the boat.

sorry church, i know who i am. and who i am is someone who refuses to settle for the status quo. who i am is someone who refuses to sit back and watch the powerful few run the ship. who i am is someone who will not keep quiet and simply look for the middle ground. the middle ground is nice sometimes, and it is important to respect all opinions, and i do. but, that does not mean that i have to just sit in the middle and smile at people on the left and on the right. it’s not about sides anyway. it’s about love. equality. acceptance. it’s about a world, a kingdom, in which love reigns. a place where everyone coexists and where grace abounds.

who i am is someone who will do her work within and/or without the church… just so long as i am always true to who i am. my jeans, my tees, and my wife included.

peace.