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empowered: looking back + moving onward

3 Jul 2015

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well, my friends, 2015 is halfway over now. i say it all the time… time sure does fly, doesn’t it?

a lot has changed since i began 2015 in asheville, north carolina. of course, the biggest change has been my move back to sweden. my wife got a job, so we up + left life behind in our beloved mountains of north carolina, and traded it for the love of an international, academic, historical culture in the city of uppsala, just north of stockholm.

we’ve pretty much lived a life of transition since january, but i believe that we are finally feeling a bit settled. it feels like we are creating our home here. and we are so very glad to be living in uppsala, while desperately missing asheville still as well. but, as time marches on, so must we. and this is the homeless of our new adventures.

but to really honor  the time which has already passed by us this year, and to celebrate the right here + right now, i thought i’d do a little look back over these 6 months. and then, i’d do a little looking forward. and i’d like to do this all from the perspective of my word of the year.

first though, if you have no idea what i’m talking about, then go — >here and read this post.

ok. now, that you’ve read that (and perhaps even read the post that followed it), you know that the word that i chose as my focus for 2015 is empowered.

here’s what i wrote about the word at the very beginning of the year when it was fresh + new + exciting:

“i believe 2015 to be a year that calls for a lot of action, a lot of taking the bull by the horns, so to speak. and, i’m all ready for that. but, in order to make sure that i stay focused + active + motivated, i need that word of mine slapping me in the face day in and day out.”

well, let me begin my reflection by saying, yep. this word has been perfect. and i have thought about it practically every single day in one way or another. i have seen it, felt it, and i have kept it close to  my thoughts. so, as for being aware of my word so far this year, i get an a+.

i do not feel that i have failed to act empowered this year, though there has been little action. what i mean is, i saw the word as kind of a kick in the ass, as i said back in december 2014. i imagined it being the focus of a little pep talk to myself every day to get stuff done, to make things happen. yeah, like i said, to be active.

it hasn’t been the most active of years so far, though, in terms of “making my dreams come true” – on the outside. in the beginning of the year, i thought empowered would give me the power to do what needed to get done. i think i even may have seen it as a way to tell myself to “suck it up”.

but, i soon realized, after a job interview and a visit to a client, that i could not sell my soul at that point. i could not just do anything. and therefore, the job front has been sketchy + depressing stressful so far in 2015. i’ve been looking and applying and looking and applying like crazy though. all of my work has been behind the scenes… not really the action i intended. but, i had no idea what i really expected.

july full moon

in any case, while i have been exploring and looking for job that might suit my skills and abilities and not suck my soul dry, i have also been doing a whole lot of writing, meditating, and inward stuff that i didn’t know i was doing until a few weeks ago. i didn’t even realize that it had been such an inward time, especially since it has been balanced in such a social way – with friends + family + fun experiences popping up all of the time.

but, ever since moving into the apartment in march, i have hunkered down here while lina’s been at work. in conjunction with the job hunting, i have been creating my own little cocoon of empowerment. during the spring, up until midsummer a few weeks ago, i was living and breathing in that cocoon. again, this is not to say that i was anti-social or not active, but inside of me, from deep in my soul, i have been calm and grounded and searching. i’ve been doing tough internal work that just popped up. it wasn’t so much i decided to do it. it all just unfolded naturally.

perhaps all of the ingredients were just there: i moved back to sweden, moved into a new apartment, explored new places, found new inspirations, fell in love with my new city, faced the decisions and prospects and failures of job hunting, got into a serious meditating groove, experimented even more with the art of photography, and began writing my book.

so what has happened during these past six months, has been the empowering of my soul. of digging in and finding a deeper level of power within me that i had never discovered before. so, actually, i have been active. quite active. i’ve been letting the power simmer within me. and i have felt it rising to the top.

and you know what? just now, as we have crossed over into the second half of 2015, i feel that all that it within me is about to boil over. it is time to let that empowered feeling explode and spill out… the energy has been growing and it is now pent up energy, just waiting to be used and acted upon. in what way, i have no idea. i have no answers exactly, but i have my intuition. something is telling me, even my dreams at night are telling me, it’s now or never. it’s time. let’s rock this second half of 2015!

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now, just as i realized that this as how i was feeling, and as messages were being given to me in my dreams (like i literally dreamed last night that elizabeth gilbert told me what to focus on in my book), i also decided to have some fun and read my horoscope on tuesday. here’s what it said:

“It’s the power-building phase of your astrological cycle. To take maximum advantage, convey the following message to your subconscious mind: “I know you will provide me with an abundance of insight, inspiration, and energy for whatever intention I choose to focus on. And during the next four weeks, my intention will be to cultivate, expand, and refine my personal power. I will especially focus on what author Stephen R. Covey called ‘the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.'”

umm… can you say, universe conspiring to make my dreams a reality? yes, this is the stuff of personal legends, of destiny, of a calling and an affirmation that i am on the right track. this felt like a door and a window and the whole world opening to me.

so, here’s what i’m gonna do for the rest of 2015:

i’m gonna let it unfold.

i am gonna stay dedicated and focused on feeling empowered. i am gonna continue to meditate every single freaking day. i am going to continue to exercise and take care of my body. i am gonna drink lots of water, as i have done. i am gonna keep applying for jobs. i am gonna explore a life coaching certifcate (spiritual guide). i am gonna write + create more resources to help others live a life filled with spirit and wildness and intention. i am gonna keep writing my book – scratch that… i am gonna FINISH my book. and i am gonna listen and stay open. i am gonna trust and remember that the process is a slow one, that it never turns out the way you imagine, and that non-action can still be action. real growth and transformation take time.

the first half of the year was me filling up my soul with even more empowerment than i could have imagined. the second half? well, it’s gonna be me using all of that power and creating big, soulful, magical things in my life.

i am ready to read the signs, to feel the power, and even more importantly… to unleash my power into the world.

HAPPY HALF OF THE YEAR! ONWARDS + UPWARDS!

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