My wife is an editing genius. She sat down yesterday afternoon to begin editing a bunch of videos that we had made when we brewed beer about two weeks ago. And the result is amazing.
Ok. A little backstory… Well, we were invited to “help out” with the brewmaster, Per-Erik, at Bryggeriet Ångkvarn as he prepared a beer for the Uppsala Beer and Whisky Festival. On the day that we brewed, we also recorded our podcast with him. Which you can listen to –> here. So, of course, we decided that we would film a video during the day too. Because photos. videos. podcasts. This is the shit we love to do. And there’s plenty of time for it all.
Lina and I both have cameras, and we both love filming and taking photos… so whenever we have a mission, we both go all in. Just filming as we each see fit. And then, in the editing process, we go through all of the videos, using the best ones from each of us to tell the story the way that we want it to be told. It takes a while, and honestly, Lina sifts through most of it. But, I am super good with making sure to snap photos of everything we do.
Anyhoo.
Like I said, Lina edited a kick ass video from our brewing afternoon. I mean, y’all, it’s amazing. Go to YouTube and check it out –> here.
I am so proud of her skills and abilities, of her talent and her motivation. But, I must admit… sometimes I am hard on myself because I’m not as “good” as she is. Or, it’s more like I sometimes don’t feel like I do enough.
Yes, with our whole videoing process, but also just in general.
This year, I have decided to not have a theme every month or a playlist every month. It didn’t feel right. And now, I find myself missing the ritual of creating all of that, but also feeling the need to take a break from the pressure I put on myself to create those things. And, to be honest, many times I felt like it was a journey I was making on my own. A few of you die-hard belovelive readers hung with me and participated with me through comments + contact, but what I realized that I wanted was more interaction. Strike that. What I want now is more interaction.
I want to build a tribe. An online community. A pack.
I truly felt like it was time for me to begin to intentionally put all of my “stuff” out there. To go all in, creating workshops and challenges and free shit and promoting business.
So, I went with the flow and began creating a weekly playlist with my theme of the week (from my newsletter). But, this weekend, that felt like an empty act as well. I wrote my newsletter, which felt amazing and right. But, no playlist. No photo challenge. I haven’t done one of those damn things I thought I’d be doing (besides the newsletter). And, I can’t decide if it’s because I am lazy and don’t prioritize + commit, or if it because it is not the right time.
Now, while this all may sound a bit whiney and sad, it’s not. It’s just me being aware and attempting to go with the flow.It’s me listening and feeling my way through it all. Responding, hopefully, in truth to what my soul needs + what I want to put out there.
I ultimately feel at peace about this. Then, that ugly “you should be doing more” thing rears it head.
I have had goals. Life coaching goals. Business goals. And things along those lines. But, I haven’t been reaching them. I haven’t even been working that hard on them. And, honestly, part of that totally feels ok. Yet, I find myself feeling guilty for it feeling ok. Ridiculous, I know.
One thing I have come to wonder lately is… how am I meant to live my life? Maybe I am not supposed to be some die-hard, work my ass off to reach a goal 5 years from now kind of person. Maybe it really is ok for me to embrace my spontaneous inspirational way of living… pondering and working and creating behind the scenes for a long time, only to have something come spilling out of me at just the right time. Kind of just like this post right now – which has been swelling and moving and flowing through me for weeks now. And, suddenly, at 11PM at night, I randomly decided to open my computer and start typing.
And, suddenly, I am aware that this is what works for me.
So far, the year is leading me in a different direction than I expected. Collaboration with my wife on all of these different things like YouTube, podcasts, etc. has taken front row. And that feels amazing and right. My work at the school is going well and feeling so good. Like I actually am meant to be there right now. And I have time to blog and write and take photos.
So, why should I feel guilty?!?! Why should I question how things are going? I shouldn’t. It’s not like I’m not doing anything. It’s just that what I am doing, how I am living now, is not how I pictured it would be unfolding (typical). It doesn’t mean that I have failed. It means the opposite. That I am learning as I go. And, really, though, how often does our life unfold as we picture it?
Ultimately, what I do, who I am, is exactly how I am supposed to be. Of course, I can grow and develop in mind, body, and spirit, but there is no need for me to be down on myself. To think that I need to do more. I just have to live authentically, in truth.
And this post is all about me processing the truth that I see and feel in my life right now. It is me aligning my outer life with my inner life. Accepting and understanding and trusting it all as it unfolds. And, perhaps, this year, this phase, is a time for me to not focus on putting stuff out there for everyone. But, for rather just living and being for myself.
In the end, we all have our own gifts and talents. We all are unique beings whose sole purpose is to live our truth, to discover + follow our personal legend. We are not supposed to look like and act like and contribute the same things as each other. And we most definitely do not have beat ourselves up for being anything other that who we are. Right this very minute.
So, about this video that Lina + I made… we both did our part to create it. And, some days one does more than the other. The next day, the other one does. What I am saying is, I celebrate the mere fact that we shared and created this experience. Together.
Now, do you wanna see it?! Here you go! Enjoy!
How do you get rid of those negative thoughts? What do you believe about living your truth? Is it hard? Maybe you don’t even know what your truth is. Wherever you are in the flow in your life, just keep on keeping on. I not only believe, but I know, that life unfolds magically and beautifully, and even those moments that we feel we have fucked up, can be used as moments of transformation and growth. So, keep flowing, my friends. And be proud of who you are. We’ve got this.
xoxo. liz.
Liz, you touched on one my biggest struggles, and one that I’m sure is abundantly common: how to be aware of how you are intentionally living/spending your time/meeting your goals/manifesting your intent and reflect on that without it devolving into self-criticism. I for one, have no idea how to do this. I’m almost always fine with things not turning out as expected but when I hold myself up to the concrete goals I’ve set I not only fall short but – even if I’ve spent my time doing other (or more!) just-as-important and really nourishing things – I dive straight into the “you should be doing more” syndrome. Like you I generally feel okay with how I’m living my life because it feels true but either way, no matter if I’m disappointed or proud of myself, I seriously live with a cloud of guilt. And I periodically ask myself, “why do I do this???” Since I’m aware of this I will make myself refocus (though sometimes this takes a bit as I go around circles in my head) and try and have some compassion but I usually end up back at the big question you’ve been asking yourself: how am I meant to live my life? Is how I’ve been living really what I’m supposed to be doing? Even if it feels right but doesn’t meet my goal-oriented expectations?
So my intent on sharing this with you is not to have you address my own (yet, I think, universal) struggles but to ask some of these same questions. Because even when you have those moments of late-night blogging, photo-taking, etc. and I have my moments of “what works for me” that reveal we are living in truth/authentically, why do we (or at least me) have to waste our time and our emotional energy feeling somehow inadequate and guilty? Even if we know we’re doing this to ourselves? Because looking at it this way, it’s kind of ridiculous. You’re doing things that feel right to you and are moving with the flow in your life and I’m doing things that feel right to me and going with the flow of my life. And yet, I/we doubt ourselves. Despite knowing this is what our souls want.
And so again I must thank you for illustrating from your own life what affects so many of us. And for inspiring us to brush off the doubt while acknowledging that it’s a very real thing – and it ain’t so easy. Love and strength to you on your journey. Thank you again for sharing – and for speaking such a core truth that rarely gets acknowledged. xoxo
You have no idea how badly I want us to find ourselves in the same place so that we can sit and talk for hours on end. Lots of love to you, dear dear Meghan. xoxo
I have so many similar feels to so much of above here Liz in your writing – not too sound vague haha!
But I too struggle with those I SHOULD BE DOING EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME SO MUCH MORE etc etc moments – I think that’s also because being self-employed my DOING is my EARNING and my PRIDE… BUT, that said – I earn enough (not loads, but we keep some costs low and prioritise the things we love – travel, eating out, having fun), and I love the hours I work and the AMOUNT I WORK. Who wants to truly work a million hours? People wear that 80hour work week like a badge of pride and all I think is… is there nothing else? And, believe me, that’s coming from someone loving what they’re doing and cracking on with it – does that make sense?
ANyway, don’t think you’re alone in these thoughts. I continually have them, and struggle with them… then remember it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, I love leaving work at 4pm and coming home – even if that’s to do nothing useful, but just not working!
OK, so this isn’t a useful comment, or structured, it’s a ramble as you always get from me! Much love to you lovely ladies, xxx
Holly xxx //// http://www.mrshollycrocker.com/
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