happy monday, lovely friends. so, i’ve made it through two weeks in our little temporary apartment, and not that i’m not grateful, but i am counting the days until we move into a much more permanent rental apartment in mid-march. it’s actually a month away now, and that feels pretty great.
the silence in the current place is good. the simplicity has been very nice. and the lack of internet has definitely taught me how to scale back + not be so dependent on checking my phone or being on the computer all of the time. however, for someone who loves blogging and writing and photography, being without the internet has been a little frustrating at times. to say the least.
i had a little revelation this past weekend about it all. my love + i don’t really feel at “home” in the apartment, and i find myself longing for my apartment in asheville quite often – which irritates me because i am trying so hard to live in the present moment. but, i have given myself a break + discovered why that longing is so strong… we are living only with a suitcase’s worth of clothing. nothing else we have is ours. nothing. yes, i miss my things – the things that we had in our home in asheville that we shipped over to sweden. they are still down at lina’s parents, because, why move them up here only to have to move them again in a month?
not to sound materialistic, and not that these things are the most important things ever, but when you’re an expat, to have anything that resembles “home” means a lot. i miss my grandma’s mug that i drink out of most mornings. i miss my journals – that i use for writing. i miss my dreamcatcher that hangs on the wall. i miss a silly basket that i got from my mom. i miss the the things that lina and i gathered and used in asheville as we created our first real home together. (our time in sweden before was, of course, in our own home, but it was so filled with sickness + difficult times… asheville was the very first time we really lived life together).
changing subjects a bit… i had a hard time meditating this morning. i was missing my asheville view and my candles and my other little altar things, including my big meditation pillow. i mean, as i said before, i know it’s not about those physical things, and i definitely made do with what i had, but still. i missed the comfort and familiarity.
i closed my eyes + tried to meditate in the silence. and then, i decided that i just couldn’t do it. i needed music.
so, i clicked on the one playlist that i have downloaded to my phone (= i don’t need internet to play it), and i just knew that i needed to hear the song “you and me” by sara watkins. i love that song so much, and i trusted my soul, since the song just popped into my head this morning. and, as i sat there, on the floor, with my eyes closed, not surrounded by any of my stuff, i just let the lyrics wash over me and through me. my soul was right. it was the song that i needed to hear.
it’s a sweet, sweet melody about fondly remembering – it’s not sad, or melancholy. no, it’s just about remembering with great warmth and gratitude. the music + the words were like the warm blanket (that i also miss) i wrapped myself up in. i felt a sense of home just by hearing it. and i wasn’t sad at all. i was filled with peace. there was no sense no longing to go back to the way things were, but simply a joy in pausing for a moment to feel something familiar.
listen to my song from today:
if you’ve never used music as your focus for meditation, try it. just pick a song. close your eyes and listen. listen with your heart + soul. let the music fill you. let the words just sink into you. and hear the message that the universe is giving to you. trust in that message and just rest.
wishing you a beautiful, exciting, peaceful week. xoxo