well, the sun is setting on this weekend & i’m ready to wind down & head to bed soon. but first, i’ve got a few things on my mind… all day i’ve been thinking about my favorite moment of the weekend (photo a day challenge today), and i just knew i was gonna post something about friday night. you see for bedtime on friday i was cozy at home with my love, sleeping with an open window, listening to the rain fall down, snuggling all warm & safe under our covers. yep. i was sure that was my favorite moment this weekend. and not only for the atmosphere of the night, but for everything that led up to those peaceful, carefree moments as well.
it had been a crazy, and important, thursday & friday (only i didn’t know it as everything was happening. funny thing perspective is, huh?) anyway, i felt as if i was living in some kind of strange dream world when i went to bed friday night. i couldn’t really comprehend the past 2 days… all i knew was that in that moment, as i lay my head on my pillow, i felt peace.
isn’t it crazy how life is full of paradoxes? you know, yin & yang. something so frightening, confusing, & difficult one day can transform into something amazing the next. i say it all the time, and i believe it because i experience it over & over again (not necessarily always in life-changing, blow-you-away moments, but even in little, ordinary moments too), “it is always darkest before the light”. there is something about that contrast. the light & the dark. the pain & the joy. the dark reminds us and teaches us what the light is. does that mean that we must have dark in our lives too? i’m not sure if it means that we must have dark, but i am certain that we do have the dark in our life. it’s just a part of it. but, the dark somehow serves a purpose, reminding us that there is light. the light is the brightest because we have seen the dark, experienced the dark, been in the middle of the dark. but, the light never leaves us alone. we are never without hope. the light always comes in the morning. always. offering us a new day, a new start, a new moment to live life. to begin again. over & over we can begin again. when we are in the dark, we just remember to breathe. and then to shake it off, because the light, life, love… it’s right there waiting for us.
oh my dear friends, i have been learning so much about myself over the past month. mostly about letting go of control & living in the moment. of trusting that the light is there, that the dark never wins. i have begun to understand how to back off when i want to push & be in control, how to let go of the responsibility i feel to try to fix things, how to care for myself, how to love freely & openly without expectations, how strong i can be, how much i can do, how unbelievably amazing (yet not perfect, as none of us are) my wife is, and how to truly, simply try to be present.
going to bed friday night with my love, feeling that something in our universe was different (better, but not perfect), feeling some hope, listening to the rain through the open window, i felt like i just wanted to bottle that moment up and never let it end. i wanted to bottle up the light that i was feeling shining in of the darkness, teaching me that even though it’s tough sometimes, it’s always worth it. but, that night is in my memory. i can relive it over & over again, if i wish. and i will, since it serves as a reminder of the light in the dark.
yeah, it still may be my favorite moment of the weekend.
but then later on today, i had a few moments that were a close second, if not a tie for “best moment of the weekend”.
this afternoon, lina & i discovered that there was a norah jones concert on tv. the concert was filmed in denmark. without writing a whole, long story about what norah jones’ music and denmark mean to both of us, let me just say that those two things symbolize a very special, amazing time in our life. so, sitting on a sofa together during the late afternoon & watching the hour concert on tv, while a thunderstorm roared outside gave me a few more moments of heaven this weekend.
i’m telling you. i am learning so much about living in the moment. i know i write about soaking it all in, which is something i have been consciously trying to do for some years now… but at this point in my life, under all the circumstances under which i live & breathe these days, i have learned infinitely more about what it means to be in the moment: out of the necessity to take it one moment at a time because i don’t feel like i’ll make it at all; and being in the moment out of pure bliss and joy. again, the yin & the yang. the light & the dark. life & death. bliss & agony. above all, i have learned to stick with it. to trust. to let go. to be mindful. to breathe. for there is still a long road ahead.
but, you know, all of us are much stronger that we ever imagine ourselves to be. i am sure of it.
on that note, i’ll goodnight, my dear readers. i hope that your weekend was filled with moments of light & dark. i wish for each of you a life full of ups, downs, adventures, tranquility, color, music, dreams, discoveries… one that is not perfect, but one that is the perfect journey for you. and of course, most of all one that is filled with, even in the darkness, peace.