i believe that i am a patient person in many ways. patient and accepting of others. but, when it comes to processes… not. so. much. at least not right now in life. my love & i have this thing about hating the process, we talk about the process of brushing our teeth before going to bed, of walking to work, filling in forms, of waiting for answers… so, perhaps i don’t mind the process, it’s the waiting that i hate. when i know i want something, then i want it. like this whole moving thing… i am thankful to get to spend spring in sweden (hoping that it turns out to be a beautiful spring. so far, not so great), but on the other hand, i just want to get this moving thing underway. i’m ready to move on.
yeah, i’m not so good at letting things take their course. every morning i find myself talking to the trees. begging them to please just show me a few little buds, something, anything, to let me know that they will have some leaves eventually. right now, it’s hard to believe.
and any learning process, any personal growth. forget it. i just wanna hop right to the lesson to be learned. i don’t wanna put up with the shit, the tough times, the hard challenges.
and paperwork. applications. job-searching. apartment hunting/waiting. i don’t want any part of it. nope. just get me the job. move me into my new apartment. and let me get started on my new way of life.
and yet, i know that without the journey, without the process, i will miss out on life. so do i really want to skip over everything? it’s like that quote or saying that i’ve heard somewhere about life being the stuff that happens in the middle. it’s not the dates of when we were born and when we die, but what we fill our days with. if i skip over the processes, the day to day living, and skip right to the end, then i’ve missed out. big time.
think about taking an airplane on a trip. it’s like magic. i get on a plane in one country, sit for some hours, get off in another… with totally different cultures, climate, and people. and while i love that air travel gets me to far away places quickly, i love road trips way more. i love getting in a car (especially when i’m driving) and discovering something new, or taking unplanned roads all along the way. the road trip becomes the destination. the whole journey is the way. it’s not only about the beginning and the end, but about every curve, diner, landmark, mountain, valley, desert, motel, person, picnic, photo opportunity, and random stop all along the way.
so, since i’m such a lover of road trips, surely i can take that spirit of adventure with me into every aspect of my life right now. surely i can calm my soul enough to center myself, breathe deeply, and trust the process. let everything take it’s time. to be a calm, sturdy, secure, grounded, person filled with peace that spreads to everyone i meet…. that’s what i really want. besides, the process is the adventure of my every day life… and i certainly do not want to miss out on anything.