Whoa the emotions this week. And the snow. And the cold. And the emotions again. It was a week that felt heavy physically, mentally, and spiritually to me. Nature even seemed to be heavy with snow pouring down on us + frigid air settling in over us. I felt off, extra sensitive, disoriented, and out of balance all week long. I didn’t feel at all like myself + I took on the pain of others way more than I usually do. I walked around as if in a fog. Totally present in the moment, but not connected to anything. Not inspired. Not energetic. Not even that positive. It truly was an off week for me. A feeling that rolls around very infrequently. And, a few people around me felt my vibes and/or even called me out on them. Yeah. I was not best friends with this week. It did not spark joy in me. So, I must admit, I am very so happy to be settling into the much lighter vibes of February now.
But, you know, it is what it is. Some days or weeks (or even months or years) are just like that. I was hoping that those 1st three weeks of new year bliss in January would continue. But, again, that was just rest + resetting + preparation for the real beginning of the new year, which came with the threshold we crossed during full moon lunar eclipse on the 21st. As I wrote a week ago, after that, everything changed.
I pulled an oracle card on Tuesday of this week, I think, just to see what the energy my intuition was feeling. Now, as I have said before, oracle cards for me are not about predicting the future, but for simply giving me a bit of insight as to what is in my heart, in my soul, and on my mind at any given present moment. How I see + interpret whatever card I turn tells me much about what my soul is whispering to me.
The card I turned on this particular day was the Crumbling card. In no way did I feel that it was a “bad” or scary card. Instead, I felt that it was reality. In order to build + birth something new from something already existing, something has to be torn down. In order to evolve + grow, there must be a phase of change + transition. So crumbling is just a necessary step on the way to rising. No fear, no worry, no avoidance.
Except, crumbling hurts. And it’s heavy. And ugly. And tough.
And then there is nothing left but a pile of mess. All that is there is a big ole pile of disorientation + confusion. But, there’s nothing to do with it except to see it, acknowledge it, and accept it.
Once I can do that, once I began to do that this week, then I could start to slowly move into the next phase of rebuilding, reimagining, reconstructing, realigning, rebirthing.
However, February has come along to remind me to take it slowly. No one rebuilds a house without first making plans. No tree blooms immediately after she has shed her leaves in the autumn. No new dream is begun the day after a previous dream was crushed. It takes time to drag ourselves out of the rubble. It takes time to begin to envision something new. It takes time to let the roots, which have already taken hold, spread out, making the tree more sturdy than imaginable. It takes time for the caterpillar to become a larvae in a cocoon before it emerges as a butterfly.
February came to remind me that it takes time. That, after all of the new energy of the new year has arrived, after all of the releasing + letting go + surrendering, after all of the changes, after all of the crumbling, there needs to be a period of just being. It doesn’t need to be a sad, heavy, depressing time though.
What if I used this time, what if I slowed down just enough, to find the joy in what is in this present moment? In the midst of the rubble. No matter if the feeling is negative or positive, what if I committed to finding the joy? What if I lightened up, danced, laughed, took care of myself, and spread a little happiness? What if these were the things I focused on?
Then, when it was time to begin to rebuild, I would have a whole different vision of what I want and what I need. I would be more equipped + ready to move on with positivity. I would be stronger, grounded, rooted, devoted to the changes. I would simply be ready for whatever was to come next.
February is my month for this pause. This past week felt like a big, heavy building crumbling right in front of my eyes. But it had to happen. And, now, I see the pile of rubble in front of me. And I can slowly begin to sift through what remains. Choosing what to keep, what to use, what to release. And doing all of that with the joy of knowing that this month, as I clear out and ground down, I am making way for all of the new stuff to be born, to rise to the surface.
It’s like Marie Kondo tackling someone’s home organization. You pull all of your shit out into one big pile. You just let it all crumble and be there. And it hurts to see it all. It’s embarrassing and/or painful. But, seeing it, reflecting on it, examining it, and categorizing it according to what sparks joy or not, is necessary for reorganizing, rebuilding, reimagining. Only when you look at your crumbled pile of shit can you begin to define what brings you joy. But, it’s got to all crumble down first.
The key here, I think, is joy. And that’s what I intend for February to be for me. A month of looking at my shit that has been too heavy, so heavy that it crumbled, so that I can define for myself what sparks my joy. What brings me joy. And I learn where my joy is found by simply finding the joy in every single day. By lightening up. By not taking myself too seriously, by laughing, by breathing, by taking a break.
Then, it is my hope, when I bid February farewell in a few weeks, I will have done all the work with my crumbled pile that I needed to do. I will have reflected, sifted, lifted, enjoyed, and understood exactly how I want to move forward to rebuild + renew + rebirth whatever vision/dream is waiting for me. The best vision and dream not only for my life, but for making a difference in the world as well.
So, here’s goodbye to the heaviness of the last week of January. Thank god for that. And here’s to the joy of February. A month of lighter moments of focusing only on here + now. A month of knowing that, even if I don’t understand or see the changes happening, I know that my roots are sinking deeper + the invisible magical energy of this transitional month is already guiding me on the path meant for me. Where I am right now, where you are right now, crumbled pile and all, is exactly where we are meant to be.
Breathe deep + create joy. xoxo. liz.
Watch Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix to learn more about how joy is a part of tidying up your home. Of course, I think that the idea of focusing on what sparks joy can be applied to all of life. Hence this blog post. Wink Wink.