when you start writing about one thing & it turns into something completely different. in other words, lack of sleep.


wednesday night and i’m beat. i just wanna crawl under the covers and sleep and sleep and sleep. without waking up once. without getting up with the cat to play and snuggle – as she wants to do every night. i just want to go to sleep. right now. but, i can’t. i have to stay up as late as possible so that i up my chances of staying asleep the whole night. that would be a.w.e.s.o.m.e. my love is having the same problems. it ain’t workin’ out too good over here these days.

but, it’ll get better. and i have a good feeling about tonight. there’s only so many days in a row that i can go without freaking the freak out. it’s like having jet lag without getting the joy of visiting anywhere. i feel like i’m having a continuous out-of body experience.

but, real jet lag is coming soon enough.

in 2 and a half weeks my love and i are jet-setting across the world to CHINA! how crazy is that?! it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and we figured we’d better take it now while we can. so, we’ll be spending 14 days in beijing, hong kong, zhuhai, and surrounding areas. i can’t wait! but i’d be lying if i didn’t say that i wasn’t freaking the freak out about this trip too. until now, i’ve stayed safe in my travel, wandering only as far as eastern europe (which i dare say was a brave adventure in and of itself). but, now. to an utterly, completely different culture. wowzers!

the thing is, lina & i always have tons of stories to tell due to the fact that everything we do, everywhere we go, lends itself to becoming one big adventure after another = things don’t always work out. stress levels rise. and mini-catastrophes occur. such as, riding and sleeping in our car with a mouse for a few days in the florida keys. nooooot good at the time. but, hilarious now. and visiting berlin on the coldest day of the year. cozy now, awfully uncomfortable then. or looking for a campground in the ghetto in memphis, tennessee. we didn’t sleep there. instead we opted for a 5 star hotel. hehe. how about sleeping in 90F/40C weather in a sleeping bag and tent in oklahoma. ok. there was no sleep. and then there’s the time we got caught in a police chase and helped about 3-4 police cars catch a suspect at a gas station in miami. we burned our eyeballs from hot wind and drank dollar margaritas on the streets of las vegas. and of course we got pulled over by a cop in the middle of the painted desert in new mexico. why, you ask? because we stopped on a bridge to take a picture. was anyone else around within sight, you wonder? nope. not at all. but, suddenly a park cop appeared in my rear view mirror and flagged me down. oops. oh, the list goes on & on.

and then there’s the whole passport thing.

you see, i am a freak (“freak” is my word of the night. don’t know why.) about my passport when i am in another country than my own. and, i live in another country than my own, so there’s always a little part of me freaking out. and i always know where my passport is safely stored. of course, i don’t need it here in sweden. not at all, since i have rights here. but, still. it’s a safety feeling thing. and when i travel, i do a passport check multiple times a day. i just have to see it and touch it.

well, in order to go to china, we had to apply for visas and send in our passports to the chinese embassy in sweden. easy enough. well, lots of paperwork for me since i have an american passport & am applying in sweden. anyway, we did the forms, gathered the paperwork, got a self-adressed envelope, and mailed it all to stockholm. i hated having to send my passport away. i felt naked. or insecure. or something.

a week later, we received a piece of paper in the mail that we could go pick up our passports at the postal place (in sweden we get mail at the grocery store – another story). we were so excited! we took our ids, and received our self-addressed envelope. i was holding them in my hands again… finally. i ripped open the package and pulled out a red passport (european union color). so far so good. it felt thick, so i thought mine was stuffed inside it somehow. and then, i had a little panic moment. mine wasn’t there, perhaps. i looked inside the red-colored passport and discovered that not only was mine not there, and not in the package, the red passport was not even lina’s! for a second i couldn’t process what was happening. i didn’t believe it. and then it sank in as lina understood at the same time what was happening. we did not have our passports at all, but some man’s!! so, where the hell were ours?!

of course it was after work hours, so i had to wait until the next day to call the embassy. they had no idea they had screwed up and they basically freaked out when they realized that they had to admit that they had no idea either where ours were. o.m.g. freaking out here. well, after about 8 hours and about 10 phone calls later, everything was made right and we had our passports back in our hands. turns out, the guy who’s passport we had, had ours. so the chinese embassy paid a taxi driver to come to our apartment, pick up his passport, drive 2 hours, deliver it to him, pick up ours from him,drive the 2 hours back, and deliver ours to us. let me just say that it was a rocky 24 hours. big time. and to say we were relieved is most definitely an understatement.

so, you see, we haven’t left swedish soil and already… adventure & craziness. i admit i’m a little frightened about what lies ahead, but i also know that we will make it fine and have amazing stories to tell later on. so, bring on the chinese adventures!

it’s getting later, but still a bit early to call it a night. and i’m not a night person, so writing some on my memoir is not a good idea. but, writing all of this down, thinking about past memories and dreaming of new memories to come has served it’s purpose to help me pass the time. perhaps i’m just overtired and emotionally drained right now.

lina’s granddad passed away yesterday, so we have been completely busy with grieving and planning and being with family. and i have 4 very intense days of work ahead of me. and not much inspiration. in other words, i’m drained. and it’s a weird time of the year. not winter. not spring. not light. not dark. cold. damp. snow fell last night and we have a whole new blanket of white everywhere. and yet, it’s as if you can hear the earth begin to breathe again; you know that just beneath the surface of the ground lie little sprouts just waiting for the perfect moment to break free and stand up.

i know that this is all part of the journey we call life. this crazy, wonderful, roller coaster ride of life… full of amazing moments you never want to end, and moments where you feel like you will break into pieces. life, death. light, dark. a little of everything all mixed into one. but, it’s my life. and it’s my craziness. and i’m gonna make the most of it. besides, my life is most definitely not boring. or normal.

and i like it that way just fine.

goodnight, dear readers. thanks for being here & listening to these crazy rambles tonight. i feel better. and i’m ready to sleep now. my eyes are heavy and droopy.

so, did you have any adventures today? what did you do? how do you feel? i’d love to hear how you are. peace and love.

0 thoughts on “when you start writing about one thing & it turns into something completely different. in other words, lack of sleep.

  1. What an entry! Now I get the full switched passports story. Very intense, realizing that it’s not yours and then wondering where yours is… I understand the naked feeling. I also feel uncomfortable without my passports (I have dual citizenship). Like something’s missing and what if I really had to travel this second (for whatever reason).

    I’m sorry to hear about Lina’s grandfather. My condolences go out to you and her.

    I hope you have a great time in China. Whatever may go wrong will go wrong. 🙂
    I also comprehend the burn-out feeling. I feel pretty much the same (for other reasons). It’s weird that you mention this time of year. Today I was walking from the subway to my home and I thought “It’s not cold enough to be winter but not warm enough for spring. What exactly is this now?” Have a good night.

    1. thank you for sending your condolences. it has been a crazy week. it’s funny how timing works in life. i was already all out of balance, and then life piled on more. hmpf. i need to breathe.

      i am totally looking forward to the china trip and a chance to get away and see life from another perspective for a few weeks.


  2. If I could give one tiny piece of travel advice (to someone who is probably as well travelled as me!) it would be to go against your every instinct to freak the freak out.

    When I started my round the world trip, my first stop was Rio de Janeiro. I freaked out. From about a month before we left I was freaking out. After that I learned how to relax in to traveling, to arrive at every new destination relaxed and open. Ask me now what Rio was like? I hated it, I felt unsafe, I couldn’t find my way around, I was just unconfortable. Because of the freaking out.

    Take your time – travelling is a different pace. If you feel unsure about where to go, whether to turn left or right, whether to do this or that, if you feel unsafe – don’t do the tourist headless chicken dance … TAKE A SEAT for ten minutes, get a drink, take stock, make a decision, start over 🙂

    1. such wonderful a advice, mel! i truly appreciate it! i will most definitely take the time to sit down, slow down, and get my brain together before i freak out. i am promising myself to soak up every little experience and moment, knowing that things will always work out. 🙂

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