life the seasons

Where did October go + why didn’t I find magic?

2 Nov 2019

Well, that happened. October flew by. Looking back, I feel like it was all a blur. I don’t even know if it was a busy or a slow month. What I do know is that it was beautiful. My god, how the earth puts on the most gorgeous display of colors + moods throughout October.

And I did my best, that I am sure of, to enjoy it all. The dark mornings. The fallen leaves. That raw, damp, earthy smell of the soil. Candles burning. Pumpkins + spooky vibes. A chance to explore my inner goddess. Cold, starlit mornings. And that anticipation of magic + mystery in the air all month long.

I also know that as the month rolled on, as the days passed, I felt a sense of restlessness in the midst of regular life. You see, sometimes I have a hard time with routines. I get “bored” with everyday life. Wake. Meditate. Work. Home. Rest. Sleep. And start all over again. It just gets all so monotonous and I find myself craving a little shake-up.

Of course, I fully know that the magic of the ordinary days is exactly what makes a life. The wisdom + secret of it all is the magic + medicine we need + crave is found in the littlest things of every single day.

So, I set my focus on living in the present moment as much as possible. I intentionally keep my life as slow as possible. As mindful + focused as I can. I really do try to move from moment to moment. But, sometimes, it’s hard.

And, yet, my creative soul requires a little bit more every now + then. I simply must add in some spice, some kind of change. But, not to just keep me from being bored. To feed + inspire my soul. To keep me stretching, growing, and exploring.

Of course, an exotic trip is always a welcomed way to find inspiration + break the monotony of the every day. But, it’s not possible – or even necessary – to hop a flight out of town. (Keeping it real: I actually did get to travel in October, so that was a great big inspiring gift). However, for those times that I can’t travel, making time for artist dates, for other creative outlets, is a perfect little solution.

Long walks in nature or to explore new neighborhoods, making playlists, taking photos + editing them, reading, visiting museums or doing something cultural are all little ways I can stimulate my inspiration.

Turns out, that restlessness was also a side effect of the slow descending that occurs throughout October. At the beginning of the month, I highly anticipated receiving a tons of magic + inspiration. Of having revelation after revelation bubbling from the depths of my soul.

That is not at all what happened. I kept waiting. I kept doing all the things I normally do. Everything from my little spiritual practices to my everyday responsibilities. Just waiting for that October magic to begin to rise like the Great Pumpkin in Linus’s pumpkin patch:

Turns out, I needed to spend the entire month of October descending deeper + deeper into the darkness of autumn. I needed to be bored. I needed to just live life. Ordinary + regular + everyday life. That really is where the magic is to be found.

Perhaps there really is no great package (or great pumpkin!) that will rise from the darkness or from my soul. Instead, it’s a combination of all of the little things right here in the middle of it all. The quiet, the boring, the inspiring, the dark, the regular, the work, the rest, the people. It’s the moments – and the willingness to be present in them – that is where the magic + mystery is found.

And, isn’t that even more amazing? There’s no need to go out somewhere + wait. No need to retreat or leave to go out or change anything. The gift of October, the beauty of it all, is that it’s all right here. Right in the middle of waking up + drinking our morning coffee, and having a shitty meeting at work, and enjoying a cozy Sunday afternoon with family, and preparing for a big presentation, and expanding ourselves with uncomfortable challenges, and being stuck in our head, and resting on our sofa with our love, and facing our fucking shadows, and breathing in frigid morning air, and snuggling with the cat, and that first sip of coffee, and those chores that we just don’t want to do, and watching the leaves dance as they surrender to the end of this cycle of life.

It’s all of this that is the revelation that I was seeking when I started out in the beginning of October. And, by simply living all of my boring + beautiful moments, I allowed myself to surrender to my present moments.

So, now, I can cross into November and just sit in the darkness of it all. Unafraid of boredom, or shadows, or challenges, or endings. Now, I can enter the transformative month ahead that will guide me home to the essence of my being. Now, I can be present on the hallowed ground of the present moment. The descent is complete. And I am now deep in the dark, bare, restful void of November. Coming home to my truth, my self, and the earth.

Farewell, October. Farewell to your mysterious messages + magical ways of teaching me how to live + how to die. So that I might be transformed + live again. Turns out, I did find magic – in each + every day.

xoxo. liz.

2 Comments

  • Reply Tracy Kathleen 2 Nov 2019 at 14:09

    I always admire your outlook on life and your introspection. October is my favorite month of the year but yet, I don’t do anything special for it. It’s just the meaning and feeling that I have wrapped up in it. I should probably create my own traditions or enjoy many of the happenings of this great area (you know what I’m saying)! I love how you are able to stay mindful and appreciate all the little things. Routines drive me crazy but are also my safety net. I like what you said about being “unafraid of boredom.” I have never thought of that. I could have 6 months of therapy trying to figure out how to do that. I think I was born bored. 😀

    Happy November!

    • Reply Liz 9 Nov 2019 at 14:24

      There is definitely a special feeling with October. I absolutely agree! As for creating traditions, that sounds like a great idea – and it can be as easy and simple as you want it to be. Something that is perhaps connected to routines!

      I hope your November has started off well, dear soul. Thanks so much for your comments – I truly cherish them. xo

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