Good morning from my cozy little desk in my studio at home. The place where I sit and write to you every morning. In the dark. Way before the 8:45 sunrise. But, surrounded by candlelight, Christmas tree lights, and a fluffy blanket. The atmosphere is set every morning. The mood is calm, peaceful, and just right. And, yet, my intuition is whispering to me that something may be missing.
And, to be honest, that irritates me. How can something feel missing when I am being so intentional, slow, and committed?
If you’ve visited this space throughout the autumn, then you know that during September; October, and November, I shared 6 posts a month, all centered around dropping into the mood of each month. I literally journeyed through the month, from setting the mood, to dropping into the medicine of the month, to discovering the message of how to take the lessons of the month into my life. During those months, I let my intuition guide me in unearthing the mood of the month. And, then, throughout the month, because I was so in tune with the season, with nature, and with the mood of the month, I felt the mood permeate my everyday life. I stayed deep in the mysteries, moods, and meanings of each month. And that left me feeling inspired and connected. It was actually very magical, as I look back on it now.
For December, of course, I have decided to do Blogmas – a spontaneous, unplanned daily post with my own reflections and thoughts on the holidays, the season, and life. I am absolutely loving this time focused on writing. And I do not regret choosing to do December this way at all. In fact, I am hoping to turn all of this into a book one day.
With that said, I cannot ignore my intuition, my inner voice, and this unsettled, disconnected feeling I have. Could it be that by spending so much time writing, I am way up in my head and not leaving enough time to drop down into my heart and soul?
At first, I shrugged this feeling off, giving it over to the idea that December is meant to be different. Slow, restful, quiet, still. That I am just supposed to dwell in the darkness. That resting + emptiness is a natural part of this dark, bare, cold season of the year. But, if I trust my intuition, then I need to rethink this. And that’s just the problem. I’m thinking too much. Even though writing is a spiritual discipline for me, giving me deep perspective and a chance to express all that is in my soul, it is not the same as silence. There are words swirling around in my head or photos that I am taking + tweaking all the time . And this has been quite constant.
What is missing is time to just be. And I don’t feel that time to just be is missing because I am writing every day. I believe that it’s because I am not prioritizing true, deep, contemplative stillness. Usually, in the mornings, I sit + meditate. I breathe. However, this December, I wake, wash my face, get my coffee, and dive into writing. So, I am missing that quiet soul time.
Somehow, this December, in the midst of creating Blogmas and in the reality of being emotionally exhausted after this year, I have just stopped. And, while having a slow, still, restful holiday season is exactly how I believe it should be, that does not mean that I just stop everything.
Basically what I am saying is that I need my spiritual practices. And writing is not a spiritual practice. It is a spiritual act, but it is not one of those deep, quiet, contemplative, soul things that makes space where I can simply listen and be.
So, how do I remedy this for the rest of the month? I am continuing with Blogmas, of course, because it is an amazing experience every morning. But, I believe that I need to plan a little bit more – based on the mood of December. I need to create time + space to settle back into the mysteries and magic of the month, to create the atmosphere at home, to connect with nature, and to have time to listen, meditate, and breathe. When I do those things, then I am much more intuitive + intentional throughout the entire day.
Nothing changes here on the blog, of course. I just felt the need to 1) get this out and write it down, and 2) share with you my won spiritual process/journey. And I want to say one more thing. This is all part of the journey. Spirituality is a journey. Some days, some months, even some years, we feel more connected and at peace than others. Sometimes, we don’t. But, that is the spiral of it all, the cyclical rhythm of nature and the cyclical rhythm of our soul’s growth + evolution. Just like the lunar cycle, the rise of the sun every day, the turning of the seasons, the wheel of the year… our soul, our spirituality follows the rhythm of birth, life, death, and rest. We have inspired times, blah times, and dark times. That is how we transform, evolve, and learn.
So, even though my intuition has led me to make some simple changes to my December days, or really just reminded me of what December offers me, it does not mean that I’ve made mistakes or done things wrong. It’s just that it’s time for me to evolve + change during this month.
And that means that, even though I feel that something has been missing, I am still in touch with + living from my soul.
Perhaps it’s time for you, too, to reassess + realign with your December mood. Perhaps your intuition has a quiet message for your as well. Create the space to just be (god knows I sure will today!) and just breathe, and listen, and feel.
Lots of deep, warm winer love to you. xoxo. liz.