last month, my love celebrated her one year life anniversary – it was one year since she was put in the hospital for the second time to help her beat the anorexia nervosa which had taken over her life for the past 10-ish years. that last time in the hospital was the time that made all of the difference – as she is now on the road to recovery and has taken her life back.
however, today is the same in importance, if not greater. today is the two year anniversary of lina’s first visit to the hospital. two years ago today was one of the worst days of my life – and hers too. i remember experiencing it, but feeling like i was having an out-of-body experience at the same time. my love was knocking on death’s door – literally. it was so bad that she had no idea what was going on, her body was shutting down, and her doctors and psychologists had to commit her to the hospital. i went with them, but i remember the complete panic i felt when i had to leave her there. oh, just thinking about it makes my stomach do flips and my heart beat fast. i was terrified. she was terrified. but, she was not my love. the anorexia had taken over completely… i knew that lina was still inside, and i prayed that she would be able to rediscover herself before her eating disorder killed her. oh god, i was so scared.
she stayed in that hospital for three, long, difficult months. she fought treatment, and then she finally found the strength to slowly begin fighting the anorexic monster that lived inside her. she had amazing angels in the form of nurses and therapists around her that made all of this possible. they saved her life… but, of course, it was my love, herself, that actually saved her own life.
as for me, i learned more than i ever thought i would about anorexia, about myself, about living alone in a foreign country, about how to back off & let the health professionals take over my role of caregiver, about giving up control, about how to get my own life back and rid our home of the “third” roommate that had become part of our lives.
but, enough about the past. today it’s all about the present – right now. it’s all about celebrating my love’s life and the life that we share together. and, it is all because my love is the strongest, most beautiful (inside and out!), most amazing woman i have ever known! she is a fighter and a survivor – and i celebrate every little thing about her amazingness today!