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i’m feeling all emotional + courageous at the same time: this new moon is inteeense

15 Jul 2015

right smack dab in the middle of july we find ourselves under a new moon and in-between two amazing full moons. the first full moon was july 1/2. the second full moon (a blue moon) is july 31. and today, the 15th/16th, we have a powerful, crazy new moon looming over us.

new-moon-march-2014

photo from google images

of course, when there is a new moon, you can’t see the moon in the night sky. which is always weird, i think. it feels like darkness takes over. but, just as the winter solstice is the darkest time of the year, the minute that the winter solstice arrives, more light is added to our days every single day until the summer solstice.

so the darkness of a new moon is actually the deliverer of light. get my drift?

from today until july 31, the moon will become bigger, fuller, and brighter every single night. illuminating all that is around us.

and if we look at this physical world phenomenon from an inner, spiritual point of view, the new moon could be considered a spiritual illuminator. a time to see what has come to light in our souls. what truth’s we have discovered. and where we are now headed with that light + truth.

but we will only see the truth if we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, think about what we feel, think about how others make us feel… etc. this new moon is the perfect time to reflect. to take a good honest look.

however, seeing at what has been illuminated, facing the truth, is not always like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, or discovering a soft puppy in a christmas package (not that either one of those things have ever happened to me). what i’m saying is that the truth can be tough to face.

feet-boots-grass-skeppsgarden

so, with this new moon, if we sit with ourselves, if we reflect on these truths in our lives that have come to light so far this year, we may just realize that there is some work to be done to align our lives with our souls. at least that bodes true for me.

i’ve read through some different astrological/spiritual articles, my favorite one to go to is always kate rose, and everything seems to be pointing out that this new moon, during this summer of love, is all about emotions, energy, healing, and intensity. appropriate, huh? sounds like something i want to avoid, to be honest with you. who needs drama + intensity + tough stuff (to be healed, one has to be hurt. am i right?) in the middle of a carefree summer?

still, this supposedly tough new moon brings to light some baggage that we may have been lugging around for a while, or some things that we need to leave behind. if you’re honest with yourself, don’t you have something that you just keep holding on to, that keeps getting in your way of living life to the fullest?! god knows i do.

you know, emotional scars, old wounds, fears, negative patterns. there’s just a bunch of old crap coming up to the surface to stare us in the face right now. question is, are we willing to stare back?

today, in the darkness of this new moon, we can turn inward, and  ponder those things. not easy, or fun. i know.

for me, i know what’s staring me in the face. i have got to stay dedicated to the path that i so desperately want, but i seem to keep sabotaging my own way by not fully committing. why i am doing this is simply because i don’t believe in myself enough. it’s just too much of a change, too much of a risk. but, i want it so badly. i know that i am meant for it. still, i’m scared.

i have done all the hard work of figuring out how i want to live out my purpose, or who i feel called to be and how i wish to live my life so that my soul is fulfilled, and in turn, so that i make a difference in the world. now, i just have to stick to going through the process of manifesting this vision. of making it reality.

but, as my love + i say: we hate processes.

getting there is the tough part that is facing me now. i want to be aware and then skip right to living out my dream. i wanna skip all of the hard work to get there. i know. i suck. but, i’m just being honest.

still, i can feel that it is time. there’s no denying it anymore. it’s time to release. time to let loose all of those feelings that we have deep within our hearts, all of those emotions that we keep locked up. they want to get out. they want us to be set free. and we want to express ourselves, we really do, even if we are scared because nothing else matters really except the truth within our souls.

skeppsgarden-view

i was out in the swedish nature + off the grid last week, and during one of our morning meditation gatherings at camp, my emotions just spilled out of me. must have been all that fresh air.

i don’t know if anyone saw me, or noticed anything, but tears just streamed down my face. i wasn’t sad, or overwhelmed, or overjoyed. i just welled up with emotion and i had to let it out. not exactly a comfortable thing to do. but, i went with it.

in that moment, i was thinking about who i am. what i do. and all the pressure i feel to tell people “what i do”. when i know that what i do, my job, my title, my salary, my security, all of these things, aren’t important. they don’t define me or anyone else. but, the pressure from society to be able to answer with something specific (not prestigious or highfaluting, just specific) got to me. i felt weak and bad about myself, unable to say that i am a social worker or a teacher or a nurse or a server at mcdonald’s or anything else.

i answered that i am a writer, writing a memoir, which i am and i am. but, somehow, i felt that others were judging me as flaky (which they most definitely weren’t). and who am i to even care what others think?! ugh. sometimes i get so irritated at myself when i know better. so, overcome with emotion,  i cried.

i know my truth. i know how i can give to this world, and in what ways, and it’s high freaking time that i embrace that. and dedicate myself to it. screw what others think. screw how scary the unknown is. since when have i made decisions based on the societal norm or been held captive by fear when doing something?

feet-water-me-skeppsgarden

but, that is what this new moon is for. to call us to stand face to face with ourselves, and to decide whether to push forward and follow our bliss (like, i mean, finally, really, really follow our bliss), or to fall in line with expectations (that old, ugly monster that rears its head in my life) and fears.

it is time to release these emotions and begin to manifest our truth. we cannot lie to ourselves anymore. we cannot pretend or cover up or try to beat around the bush. there is no settling. it’s like we are about to burst. and, this all may not be easy. this is the intensity. this is tough stuff. this is where the rubber hits the road. will we stay true to ourselves and what our heart and soul have so clearly told us is true? can we make it through the process and stay dedicated to who we are?

new moons are all about new beginnings, but this isn’t about something new this time. this is about something that we have been carrying with us for a while actually beginning to grow. this is about letting loose that which has been growing under the earth for a while. it may not be bursting out as a full-fledged flower just yet, but we are sowing and growing and taking care of seeds that have already been planted.

the time has come, and the universe is helping us help ourselves. there’s no turning back now. the truth has been incubating within us for a while, and we have spent the early part of this year discovering that truth perhaps. now that we know it, it’s time to sow it.

with this new moon, we are invited to look deep within, and to prepare ourselves to begin the process of breaking forth, of breaking ground, of truly beginning to live our truth and our calling.

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photo from nasa’s pluto mission website. (the new horizons spacecraft took this photo on tuesday + sent it back to earth. mind. blown.)

yesterday, new horizons, a spacecraft, sped past pluto way out in our solar system, taking photos + gathering data. reading news articles about it blew my freaking mind. new horizons was launched NINE years ago, and made it to pluto yesterday. but, it’s not just hanging out there. it’s barreling on further out into the solar system. it’s going beyond.

what began years ago, finally reached to its destination on tuesday, but it isn’t stopping there. new horizons is doing just what its name suggests… seeking out new horizons, flying past pluto, into the wild, unknown space to explore + discover even more.

pluto_charon_150709

pluto and one of it’s moons.

we, too, have been preparing for our own new horizons for a long time. just think about it for a minute. what is it that your soul is telling you that you need to let go of in order to be free? well, just as the spacecraft passed pluto yesterday, we’ve reached our destination too. and now we are faced with the emotional, intense moment when we decide whether to keep going, or to stay where we are.  it’s our time to leap forth into the unknown. to blow past our expectations and seek new horizons in our own lives.

now is the time to go for it. to let our souls take over. and we can begin a whole new, deeper, wider,  more meaningful, more purposeful life. happy new moon!

onwards + upwards! xoxo

my own thoughts + reflections based on kate rose’s article. she’s my go to chick for all this universe stuff.

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