I was spot on last week when I said this in a blog post on closing out January: Blessings as you settle into the new year, sweet soul. Little did I know how right I would be. February just might really be the beginning of the new year. I’ll explain in a minute. Whatever it is, though, it is a month that I definitely struggle with. The shortest month of the year, it always feels like the longest. It is a weird, nothingness (sorry Valentines Day), transitional month. Not yet spring. Not fully winter sometimes. It’s just a big ole mix of everything + nothing. And, I’ve officially decided that I am not a super fan of the month. So, today I’m looking to see if I can find a little love for February.
I don’t mean to diss on February. I really don’t. I mean, she can’t help it. She’s the first month right after a whole bunch of hyped up shit. You see, I’ve come to understand that we really are just starting to settle into the new year, into 2020, during the month of February. And, perhaps the reason she feels like such a let down is because all of the magic of the actual new year is over.
We make it through November, December, and January because we’re feeling so cozy + excited about the holidays. It’s a busy, fleeting, inspiring, and even stressful few months. Filled with rituals + traditions + magic. We know what to expect. We know what we want. We know how things will often go. Whether we are a fan of the holidays or not, we can count on the deep, dark winer months to offer us the same things year after year. So, we often sail through it – all wrapped up in celebrating in whatever way works for us.
And even though January is long, there are still lingering vibes of newness, hope, excitement, and beginning again all month long.
But, with February, the newness has worn off. We’ve shifted into the second month of the year. It’s time to face the reality of everyday life again. And, then, on top of that, we literally shift into a new phase in the natural rhythm of the seasons of the year. We transition into late winter/early spring – into a time of the return of light to our days. Slowly, but definitely noticeably leading us toward spring.
Even if we live in different hemispheres, we encounter the same transitional mood in February. It feels as if it is a month that we don’t really know what might happen. One day it feels like spring, one like autumn. One day like winter, the next like summer. We can’t really count on February to be stable, just when we perhaps need the stability to help us settle into the new year the most.
This past week I was all fucked up. Part of that has to do with monthly cycles of the moon waxing toward the full moon this weekend – crazy, wild vibes! – and partly with my own personal rhythms. Whatever the case, all of that, in conjunction with the weird, transitional vibes of February, led me to feeling totally + completely exhausted. Like literally wiped the fuck out. I went to work + then I went to bed. And then I did it again the next day. And the next. Desperately yearning for the weekend where I could be free. Knowing that my body + my mind wanted me to rest. I considered taking a day off in the middle of the week just to balance myself + because I thought I might not make it. I mean, I literally sat and stared at my coffee cup every morning before sunrise. That’s it. No writing, no meditating, no nothing. Except gathering the energy to move toward the bathroom to get ready for the workday. But, I held on. And I made it to Friday at noon – when my weekend finally, finally, finally began.
I believe that I have a lot to ponder this weekend – as I search for a little love for February. I mean, how is it that just as we celebrate Imbolc, the Celtic festival of the coming of light + the eventual coming of spring, that I am thrown into a literal mental + physical tizzy? What is wrong with me?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with me. I’m just an autumn girl. Spring ain’t my thing. I mean, it is absolutely beautiful + lovely + hopeful + life-giving. But my soul is an old soul that finds comfort in the harvest, in the dark, in coming home, in settling in, in the medicine of the ancient mysteries. That’s just who I am – and I love + fully embrace that it’s who I am.
Still, there are also gifts of the spring that are meant for me – and for us all. And, that’s what I want to ponder this weekend. What is it that I am avoiding? What feels uncomfortable with the return of the light? Why do I want to “avoid” the season of rebirth + new beginnings? And how can I invite the medicine of February into my life?
I sent out a newsletter last weekend all about giving love to “forgotten” February – and now I feel like a fraud. It was so easy to write about the month + how it should feel. The medicine that is there to tap into + tips on how to tap into it. But, then, in reality, as soon as I sent that newsletter out, I began to experience the total opposite. So, keeping it real… I didn’t, couldn’t, and had no desire to follow my own advice + ideas. This week I just felt totally shut down + irritated by February.
I don’t know, y’all. Is there anyone else out there that feels exhausted? Anyone else that seems to find it hard to find deep peace in the early spring? Or that just can’t feel the love for February?
Help a girl out. Gimme a few tips or thoughts or stories of your own. Help me connect with the vibes of February. I’m longing to love February for who she is + for her place in the cycle of the year.
Here’s to accepting, embracing, and learning to embody my soul even in times that feel less comfortable. xoxo. liz.