you know, there are some interesting things to being in a bi-national, same-sex relationship. for one thing, you are almost always plotting and planning what happens next in life. it’s as if, just as you get settled in one place, it’s time to begin wondering again how long you will stay and where you might go next.
i suppose this is just part of my nature. a wandering nomad. a pilgrim. part of this also stems from my love of travel and my desire to try something new. or, in other words, i/we get bored easily. hehe. this is the part of a bi-national marriage that i love!
but, seriously, there are issues of the visa/residence permit-type that also pop up when living in a relationship that involves two different nationalities. one of us is always away from home and requires special permission from a government body to stay in the other person’s home country. or, if we live somewhere else, we both require permission. all of that means that we have to be planning and thinking way ahead practically all of the time.
i know that we just moved to the states less than a year ago, but we are also on the verge of having to begin thinking about our future again. technically, lina has 3 more years of school left, but it’s never to early to begin dreaming and wondering what the plan is after that. and that leads into the conversation of which country do we want to live in… and all of the pros and cons that come along with both sweden and the states. and you know what we discovered, as we began this conversation last night? that we have no idea where we want to be.
needless to say, when i went to bed last night, i was a little bit stressed out. i had no idea i was stressed out until my head hit the pillow. and then my brain began overworking: it’s be good and very easy to live in sweden – i have a permanent residence permit, so i can live there anytime for as long as i want. plus, it’s an amazing place to live. buuuuut, i don’t want to leave asheville. i love it here. we love it here. and then there’s nyc. or a whole other country. gaaahh. i started legitimately freaking out in my head for a moment… feeling all restless and confused.
and then, i remembered. the present moment. yes. the present moment. this is how to survive all of the worrys, wonderings, and freak outs about the future. as soon as i reset my thoughts on the present moment – on what’s happening today, or in the next week, then i calmed down. i found my breath and my peace. and i drifted off to a peaceful sleep.
when i awoke this morning, i felt a surge of energy and positive vibes coursing through my veins. i felt a twinge of life, and i remembered that it was spring!! and then everything made sense.
on this day, when the dark and light are equal, it is a celebration of the present moment – where true life lies. this equality of darkness and light, the presence of both of them, are reminders for me of the need for balance. and the power of living a balanced life.
and so, today, i celebrate the energy that is bursting forth. the new life, new potentials, and new opportunities that are present in my own life. i remember that it is so important to recognize the darkness and the light, and to remember to be thankful for the push and pull, the yin and the yang, the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the suffering and the joy. i remembered that, like the changing of the seasons, everything happens in due time.
with the changing of the seasons, that old reliable cycle of death and renewal every single year, i am struck once again with the knowledge and belief that my life follows the same pattern. new, old, new again. orientation, disorientation, and reorientation. it is the cyclical pattern of transformation, of growth, of new adventures, new opportunities, and new ways to reinvent my life.
today, i celebrate the coming of spring by remembering that i need the balance that nature provides. i need it all. and in order to survive the ups and downs, questions and answers, certainties and uncertainties, i need to be attuned to the present moment. always, always, always trusting that the cycle continues. that life is renewed – even in death. that we are all part of this amazing, energetic, inspiring circle of life.
i think i’ll spend a little time outside today, harnessing that energy that the universe is letting off. soaking up the sun. engaging in some silent moments of quiet. listening to the birds chirping. and letting my soul do the talking.
and, when i go to bed tonight, i will lay all my worries aside, and know that i have done all that i could do today. then, i will close my eyes, take in a deep breath, reach over & touch my love, and drift off into a deep, peaceful sleep.