Home from summer in the States
I’ve been feeling all the transitional vibes since returning to Sweden after summer vacay in the States. You’d think that returning home would only take a few days (max) to readjust – even with the jetlag that comes along with a red-eye flight + a 6 hour time difference. And, perhaps it did only take me a few days to get back into Swedish time. But to re-acclimate + resettle into my life, into myself, has taken weeks.
The first weekend home was calm + cozy. I was feeling a bit melancholic about leaving my parents and my brother after 6 glorious weeks with them. But, my love + I were soaking up being back in our sanctuary. We spent a slow weekend together, resting + readying ourselves for the next two busy weeks that lay ahead.
Back to work + suddenly it’s full speed ahead!
After the weekend, we both headed back to work, an adjustment in itself after being wild + free for 6 whole weeks. It felt good to get back at it. And, thankfully, we both had a fairly calm week to ease back into the idea of getting up + heading to work early in the morning.
But, after that calm-ish week, it was full speed ahead. We both had a few days out of town with work. A weekend at Linas’ parents place, and very intense, long days at work. For me, the new school year started with a 2 day trip with my colleagues, which was cozy but also exhausting. Then 3 intense days of 8 hour individual counseling sessions with new students + parents. And, finally, a week filled with constant, consistent activity as the students (both old + new) tried to begin to readjust to + discover their places in a new school year. I ended these past two crazy weeks with a Friday night dinner party with some colleagues to celebrate surviving, burn off steam, and just laugh, eat, drink + dance with each other.
Finally. A weekend to slow it down.
This weekend has been a weekend of bliss for me. Mostly because Lina + I finally didn’t have any plans + have totally just enjoyed being together.
But, in addition to just reconnecting with my wife after these past few weeks of not spending any time together, I felt a familiar settling in my soul. Something I’ve not felt for not just weeks, but for months, I think.
I sat at the kitchen table this morning, after brewing a pot of coffee, and just gazed out the window. And something just felt right. I understood that I am finally coming down from those transitional weeks + emotional times between summer in the states, heading back to work, greeting new + old students, staying super busy, and feeling disconnected + scattered.
I have not been feeling good to be honest. Low energy, no inspiration, sadness, loneliness, and all around feeling off + a bit lost. It’s almost as if Ive been having an out of body experience. I followed my regular life routines. I recognized them all. And yet, I felt like it wasn’t me living through them. I was like an emotionless robot. And I saw nothing but the moment in front of me (which on the one hand, could be a good thing). But, I wasn’t connected to myself in that moment. It’s just all been so weird.
I have wanted to write or blog or take photos, but not even that felt right. I knew I had stuff to express, but I literally had no idea how to get it out. And I didn’t want to. Yet, I was dying to. In a fit of confusion, I even set up a second, personal Instagram account (@liz.belovelive). I posted a little there. And it felt semi-better. But, not really. I knew I couldn’t figure anything out, so I just let it be.
Settling into the seasons
And, then this morning. as I sipped coffee in sunshine, I just felt right. For no reason at all. I wasn’t reading, writing, pulling oracle cards, listening to music, meditating or anything else. I was literally sitting. And I felt myself. I felt my soul. I felt connected. It felt light, free, open, and calm inside me.
Somehow, in today’s early morning moment, I finally recognized myself.
Then I turned on some music and suddenly came across a new song: Seasons of the Heart by Annie May Willis. I didn’t listen to the lyrics until almost the end of the song, as I was just sitting + sipping my coffee. I noticed the words somewhere in the verse that transitions from summer to autumn. It was then that my ears perked up + my soul awoke. And, then the refrain: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Round + round we go.
That’s it. That’s the message + meaning of it all. It’s just as I’ve been living + experiencing for the past year or so. It’s the seasons. The cycle. The rhythm. The continuous spiral of evolution. Round + round. On + on. With those words I settled into my soul. I was finally home.
Autumn is always when I settle in + sink down. When I feel most connected, inspired, and grounded. It is when I experience deep magic. And, as I await the changing of the seasons, the turning of the wheel, and the approach of September (my birthday month) next weekend, I know that I am nearing the end of the transition from summer to autumn. This is my time of the year. The setting that my old, mystical soul seeks and in which my contemplative, spiritual soul thrives.
Those transitional vibes from summer to autumn are real, y’all. And they signal that it is time to come home. Home to settle in our souls. Home to nest. Home to routines + rituals. Home to drop into the soft, warm, ancient medicine of the season.
Happy transitions, sweet souls. xoxo. liz
Oh, I know that “settling in my soul” you so beautifully describe. I’m so happy you’re passing through the disconnectedness (at least for this rotation) and are moving back into belonging to yourself. Love and hugs to you. xoxo
oh yes. round and round and on and on we go. on this beautiful wheel of life. so glad to share an understanding of the rhythm of it all with you, as it reminds me i’m not alone in my feelings. so much love to you. xo
My friend, I am glad you are feeling better and connected again. What a good way to start your birthday month :). Big hugs.
thank you! it feels so good to finally start to feel a bit grounded again. xo
I always admire how in tune you are with yourself and nature, it’s amazing! And I’m happy that you’re feeling like yourself again.
I always find it disorienting when I’m back in Germany where I grew up, feeling at once at home and out of place. It takes a while to get that all sorted out and find one’s balance again. Sounds like you found yours, just in time for your birthday and the wonderful world of autumn!
you couldn’t understand more!! love to know that you get it! ? i really am trying to live in sync with the seasons and the more i do, the more natural and calm everything feels. here’s to autumn on its way! xoxo