i woke up early this morning. all by myself. no alarm. no cat. no bad dream. i just woke up. when i saw that it was 6, i decided to stay in bed. but, i grabbed my phone (note to self: it is seriously time to work on this digital addiction issue) and scrolled through all that had happened while i was sleeping.
it’s a holiday here in sweden, so no one is working. and my love doesn’t go to the hospital today. so for many of us, it is the very last day of holiday vacation. and when i was done scrolling and saw that it was now 6:30, i debated on what to do: roll over + go back to sleep, which would be so very easy to do. or, get up and meditate.
now, i debated with myself for a good 5-10 minutes. ridiculous, right? but, i had good arguments on both sides.
i mean, it was my last day of vacation, so i should totally stay in bed and be lazy for a little while. because the rest of the day will be filled with taking down the christmas decorations, cleaning, laundry, and perhaps a few errands. so, going back to sleep would give me a few more minutes of total laziness.
however, it was my last day of vacation, so i should totally get up and enjoy an inspiring morning of meditation, reading, and writing. i mean, it very well may be my last day of having one of these mornings for a while. and i love my predawn mornings alone.
i sat up in bed and placed both of my feet on the floor. should i get up? then i literally laid back down + snuggled deep under the covers. should i stay here, all warm + toasty? then, i sat up again. feet on the floor again. and suddenly i had an epiphany (it’s epiphany today, by the way, more on that later).
as much as it sounded like i was focusing on the present moment, in how i wanted to spend my time this morning, i was actually basing this decision on what would be happening tomorrow = going back to work + “losing” my lazy mornings. old habits die hard, huh? i was trying to decide how my now would be, based on my worries + anxieties about the future.
i know better than that.
with that little revelation, i pulled myself back into today and really into the present moment. i look a deep breath and listened for just a second to my soul. and then i stood up.
how many times must i be reminded to stay present? over and over, i am certain. even though i know what my soul is saying to me, it is up to me what i do with my time and with my day and with my life. every single moment is yet another opportunity to choose. and, technically, there is no right or wrong answer. it would not have been wrong for me to stay in bed. what i am saying that i did was to listen to my soul so that i could choose what was best for me right then, at that moment. staying in bed was just as valid as getting up. but, when i pulled myself back into the now, instead of the worries of tomorrow, i realized that what i wanted right then, today, was to get up. i wanted, and knew that i needed, some time to just be. i wanted to slowly let watch the morning sky brighten.
this morning reminded me again, what happens when i focus all of my energy on what will, or even worse, what might happen. when i live in fear and worry, then i miss out.
now, this was no new epiphany for me, but rather, just another growing pain. another chance to teach me, once again (cause i need that), how precious and sacred living in the present moment is. how amazing it is to be open and aware and awake (literally + figuratively) to the signs that are all around us and within us. to be willing to listen and then act. and to even, embrace the opportunity to bravely be + go + do new things.
today, as i mentioned before, is epiphany. it’s a day that is celebrated in christianity. the first celebration after christmas, twelve days after christmas actually. the word epiphany comes from the greek word meaning manifestation or vision of god. it is all about light + illumination.
in fact, the story of the three wise men, who traveled from africa to visit the newborn jesus by following a bright star in the sky, is also connected with this day. they followed the light to the light. it is a powerful message in the christian story, that i believe can be true for any of us, christian or not. the idea that the light, the divine, the sacred energy, love, is not meant only for one group of people, but for everyone. that we all have access to and are invited to embark on our own journey of discovering the light.
for the world back in the day of the three wise men, it was embarrassing and crazy and totally wrong that god came to the world in a baby born of a teenager in a dirty stable. as if that was not revolutionary enough, this god also invited all to participate in the love and light of the universe.
after the three wisemen had visited the baby jesus, they had a dream in which they were told to return to egypt by a different way. it was too dangerous to return the same way they came. well, they listened to that message from the universe, from their souls, and arrived back home safely, inspired, changed, and ready to share their experiences with others.
for me, i interpret this entire story as a metaphor that can teach us to stay open to what happens when we are changed. for, when something big happens in our lives, when we experience something amazing or difficult or beautiful or challenging, we are transformed. and, the way forward is not the same way that we have traveled before.
when i woke this morning, i was so tempted to fall into my pattern of basing my decision to get up or not on what would be happening tomorrow. but, that’s an old pattern that i have released. and luckily i remembered that. and i decided, instead, to choose to focus on today. on right now. to live in the moment. and to understand that, with a new year and new adventures + opportunities the lie on the horizon, i will not be traveling the same way that i have before.
life will not look the same. and that is scary and exciting. but, it is time to move on. time to continue to follow the light that leads me. and to keep trusting that my soul always knows exactly how to guide me in the present moment.
wishing you light for your journey, friends.