day 14: grass.

14 May 2012

today has been one of those days. and it’s really been one of those days for my love… it’s just that when she feels bad, so do i. you know how that goes, right? you just wanna protect and make everything right for the one you love, but you’re helpless. there’s nothing you can do. so, you feel bad too. or, a more positive way of looking at it, i guess, can be that you share the pain. still, even when you bear some of the pain, it doesn’t seem like it makes anything easier. ugh.

the grass this morning looked springy and nice. like the unwritten day was full of possibilities. but, nothing about today now feels sunny and green. the possibilities of the morning turned into major challenges as the day went on. i know that tomorrow is a new day, and i’m counting on the newness of the day, hoping that it brings with it some calm, peace, and relaxation instead of disappointment and heartbreak.

nothing has been easy about today. today has been mean, heartless, depressing, and tough. the thought of a quick reward, something to make me happy in the moment, or at least the super near future, is what i think i want. yeah. i think i don’t want challenges. i want the easy way out, right? but, then again, maybe not. to wait, to hold on, to know that in the end, holding out, fighting, believing, and staying focused will bring a much deeper joy gives me the strength to keep going & a desire to stick with it. we can’t always get what we want when we want it. or maybe we can. but, to scrounge up enough patience & courage to go through the pain, instead of around it… that brings true peace. real joy. deep happiness. and that is what i truly want.

so, tuesday. i believe that you will be better. i hope & pray that you will be better. for me & for my love. please… you just have to. becauseugh. monday. you have not been kind.

true. it will be worth it. it’s just so hard right now.

peace (calm in the midst of chaos).

No Comments

  • Reply nicolehandschin 14 May 2012 at 22:56

    Oh honey I’m sending you and Lina a massive portion of love, hope and comfort! I hope all will sort itself out and yes there’s nothing worse than seeing your loved one suffer not being able to do anything. But you know even though you feel helpless and useless and don’t know what to do or say. Your pure presence makes the pain easier to bear! lots of love

    • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:55

      thank you, dear friend, for just being you. love you.

  • Reply Barb 14 May 2012 at 23:13

    Days like that are no fun!!! In my experience the distance of a good night’s sleep usually makes things feel better even if they haven’t changed. Hope and pray that is the case for Lina and you.

    • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:56

      you are so right, bard. things might not be fixed, but the morning light always brings a new perspective.

  • Reply Faster Britt 15 May 2012 at 06:32

    Tänker på er och ber för er. Kramar!

    • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:56

      tack!! kram!

  • Reply ulrika 15 May 2012 at 13:51

    Tänker på er hela tiden. Håller tummarna att dagen idag är en bättre dag. Jättekramar!!

    • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:57

      tack, ulle!! love ya!

  • Reply momentsofmezz 15 May 2012 at 15:25

    Sending good thoughts your way. I hope you feel better!

    • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:57

      i’m soaking up all those good thoughts, and sending them right back to you too! thanks so much, heather!

  • Reply Laura4NYC 15 May 2012 at 16:34

    Hi, this will surely make you feel better!!!

  • Reply liz 15 May 2012 at 23:58

    you were so right, laura! it brought a smile to my face & made me chuckle. thank you so much for sharing!!

    • Reply Laura4NYC 16 May 2012 at 03:08

      Glad I could be of much help! <3

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