corona diaries

How I am finding freedom at home: My Corona Diaries

18 Apr 2020

It’s not that things have been lighter this week, but somehow it’s felt lighter. The news is still grim. Covid-19 diagnoses and deaths continue to grow around the world. Most of us are all still at home. No one still really knows what comes next. But, in some way, I feel better at the end of this week. I feel some sense of weird freedom, even while stuck in my home. Could it be that I’m just getting used to it all? And, if that’s so, is that bad or good? Or is it that this entire experience has left me no choice than to finally, really, truly approach life one day at a time?

Perhaps this really has become the new normal for me. And now, I really do have a sense of acceptance of the present situation. If so, then with that acceptance, I have been empowered. Acceptance that “it is what it is” allows me to honestly see how things are, and then choose how I wish to respond. That alone gives me a sense of freedom even in the middle of unknown quarantine times like this.

So, really, that lightness I feel is a sense of freedom I guess. Not freedom from the situation in which we find ourselves, but freedom through it.

And thinking back to the Easter celebrations last weekend, that’s exactly what that whole, tough, dark, painful week was all about. For me, Easter + spring aren’t just happy-go-lucky celebrations of life, joy, bliss, sunshine, and rebirth. I mean, those are all aprt of it. But, we would not have them, we would not understand them, we would not celebrate + honor them with rituals + ceremonies had we not experienced suffering, darkness, winter, and death. We must go through it. That’s the crazy balance + harmony of it all.

And, yet, even in those darkest, hardest times, it’s up to us to choose how we live. Will we just give up + sink in? Or will we dare to keep our hearts open?

It doesn’t mean that it’s not all painful, that we don’t hate the situation in which we find ourselves. But, it means that, even in the midst of that, we boldly choose to stay present + open. Regardless of our external situations. It means that we dig down deep into our souls + trust that intuitive, loving energy that remains even in the bleakest, darkest, coldest times. It means that we trust what we see in the rhythms of the seasons, the unfolding of life, and the hope that always remains.

All that said, this week all I did was live. And perhaps that’s exactly what is suppose to happen after Easter + as spring begins. This is the season of new life. So, maybe that is exactly what we are supposed to do in the middle fo a pandemic. Find new ways to live right in the middle of the situation in which we find ourselves. And to take all of the wisdom that we are gaining in the midst of this pandemic, and discover how to apply it + bring it out into our lives.

This is the season of rising, emerging, and embodying. But, what is rising? What is emerging? And how can we embody this new wisdom in our everyday lives? The only way to uncover these answers, I think, is to simply live. To be present. To experience + anchor + center + feel + focus on what’s right before us. Right here, right now.

So, here are my moments of presence. The ones found right in the middle of my life of quarantine. Remote working, making dinners, computer difficulties, missing family + friends, resting + sleeping, boredom, backyard wanderings, and everything else.

And, here’s how I decided to just live it all:

  • Accept that it is what it is.
  • Choose how I want to respond/be. Heart open – or not?
  • Decide to simply be present each day, each moment.
  • Feel the deeper joy of freedom – guiding me through it all, not just freeing me from it.

The paradox is that there is beauty to be found in the messiness + horribleness of it all. Accepting the reality. Choosing to stay heart-open + soul-led. And staying present. This is what makes us free. This is what freedom is. It’s not having everything go our way, or being free from pain, or living the easy life. There ain’t nothing about life that is that way right now anyway. For any of us. Actually, life isn’t like that – ever.

Freedom comes from within. No matter our circumstances, no matter what’s happening in the external world. It may be shitty… veeeeery shitty. But, it is what it is. And life continues to unfold. The question is, will we find the courage in our soul, will be tap into that divine energy that is already within us, and trust that we flow onward as well.? Will we dare to live the fullness of life – allowing ourselves to ride the waves of the beauty + pain? Can we bear to stay present in this moment – to feel it all + to still stay open?

If we can, loves, then there will be a sense of freedom deeper than we ever imagined rising up from the center of our lives – wherever we find ourselves right now.

Stay safe. Stay home. Stay well. All my love to all of you. xoxo. liz.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Amy 20 Apr 2020 at 02:21

    This fits with how I’m feeling too. It helps that I’m being very concrete about my finances right now, and getting as clear as I can about how finances will be going forward. Since I have two teens at home, I’m also dealing with the various issues they bring to the party. But yes, acceptance, affirmation, and living life – I believe that this is the path forward.

    • Reply Liz 26 Apr 2020 at 09:47

      I can only imagine how this must be with two teens in the house. But, I’m sure that you’re all staying grounded and focused. Sending you love and hoping that you all are well. xo

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