culture lbgtqai+ wilderness

sunday night stuff.

26 Aug 2012

hey hey! it’s 9pm and completely dark outside. yes, fall is on its way. no more swedish summer sun at 11:30 at night. tonight we’re sitting on the bed, each staring at our computer screens, with a sunday night film glowing from the tv screen in the background. other than the light from 2 computer screens & a tv, the entire apartment is dark. i’m thinking about going to sleep pretty soon because i am completely, utterly exhausted. but in such an amazingly good way.

last night, i went to bed at some ungodly hour in the night/morning  and got up at 7am this morning. not enough sleep. at all. why? well, i was writing my sermon for today. i couldn’t have done it any earlier because a). i didn’t know i’d be preaching until thursday night, and b). i was already completely booked from thursday night until 10pm last night. so, at 10pm i sat down to begin write my sermon. nothing like last minute inspiration. hehe. and hey, i thrive on adrenaline and in chaos.

the sun rose & i headed downtown to the church where i work. i always love walking to work on sunday mornings. ok. it’s a love/hate relationship. (love the walk, hate having to get out of bed). anyway, i love the silent walk downtown. it’s just me, the buildings, the birdies, and the trees. no one else is out. it is so unbelievably peaceful. this morning i had my headphones in, playing bluegrass music into my ears, pepping me for the morning’s activities…

which i survived. yep. i did it. i delivered my second sermon in swedish today! and other than actually switching out a few swedish words for english ones bay accident, i think it went pretty well. i can’t believe that i freaking preach in swedish. that blows my mind. but, it feels so amazing to have a chance to preach again. i must admit, when i get up in front of an audience, when i stand in front of others in public, and i have a chance to offer words of hope & love, i feel like i am home. it feels so natural, so right… so me. ( so, take that UMC. you can make a rule saying that i can’t be ordained, but you can’t stop God from calling me to be who i am. and you can’t stop my life from being used, according to my gifts. yes, i am married to a woman & i am a minister. so what. thanks to the amazing church who has hired me in sweden, i can have my cake & eat it too. but it’s not really about me anyway, is it? nope. it’s about God making a way when there seems to be none. it’s about unconditional, free love being more important human-made rules. it’s about never giving up hope. it’s about following your dreams that are revealed when you are true to yourself. the spirit moves as it will. and life is more about loving & including, rather than excluding. when did jesus ever exclude, by the way?) sorry about the little tangent.

anyway, i received some pretty good feedback today, and i am truly humbled. as i walked this morning, i remember thinking how overwhelmed i am that i live here, that i work here, and  that i get to do the things i love. i thought about how just a few years ago, i was dreaming about moving here, and imagining what it would be like to work here. it all felt so impossible, and so far away. any yet, here i am now. amazing. the risks, fears, and uncertainties are most definitely worth it.

i spoke about freedom today. the freedom that we are given to choose to be ourselves or not; the gift of inspiration, of the spirit, to guide and be with us; and our calling as free people to work for the freedom of all people. i have said that i’ll post my sermon here, and i will… but it may take a day or two. i realized that it’s in swedish, so i must translate it first. hehe.

but, my brain is fried tonight. i am physically, mentally, and emotionally wiped out. so, i’m gonna crawl under the covers now and snuggle down under my covers, drifting off to dreamland. tomorrow a new week begins… a really exciting week! we’re headed to ireland on thursday. but, more about that later on. first i’ve got tons of errands and 3 work days ahead. plus a laundry afternoon. but, i also begin yoga classes again. yeeeeessssss.

before i say goodnight, i just want to remind you (and me) of one thing. we all hear that we should truly follow our dreams; but what we don’t hear is that we should do it now. dreams always feel like something way off there in our future world. but, what if we lived out our dreams daily? like beginning today. right now. we can’t even imagine the possibilities that lay ahead for us.

go on, keep dreamin’ and keep believin’. and if you feel that you are alone, that your dreams are impossible, find someone to pep you up. you can even email, chat, or talk with me. i’ll believe in your dreams with you.

goodnight world. wishing you sweet dreams, the freedom to be who you are, and peace in your soul.

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No Comments

  • Reply nicmaybe 26 Aug 2012 at 22:33

    Today I couldn’t agree more about that “follow your dreams” part. Today I sang a new song that I’ve written to my band mate. I was really nervous because usually I just record a file and send it to him. When I was finished, he looked at me and said: You’re a hit-making machine! 🙂 I’m so happy right now. Happy because I followed that urge to create, to make music, to just be me. I never thought it was possible to find someone who believed in me. But I have and it’s just awesome. So yes, everybody should just go out there and follow their damn dream! Now!!!

  • Reply liz 27 Aug 2012 at 11:09

    what awesome feedback you received! congrats! isn’t it amazing what happens when we listen to our soul, when we follow our deepest dreams, and just allow ourselves to be, well, who we are. thanks for sharing your experience & good luck with your music! i am certain that being true to yourself inspires amazing music! rock on! 🙂

  • Reply Laura4NYC 30 Aug 2012 at 05:00

    Congrats on your successful speech/sermon in Swedish! Was it hard for you to learn the language? I remember you had someone who taught you, what ever happened with that? My bf lived in Stockholm for 2 and a half years, he always thought it hard to find someone who was willing to actual speak the language with him. Said most Swedes wanted to practice their English with him… *ugh*

  • Reply answertothecall 13 Sep 2012 at 03:30

    I’m catching up on my blog reading…but this is perfect timing for the first week of seminary! My dream is that one day you and I will have the choice to be ordained in the UMC without having to make a choice between ordination and (open) love!

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