march is ending; and so we are also coming to the end of the first quarter of 2016. one third of the year is now complete. that’s a crazy thought, isn’t it?
now, this isn’t anything that i usually think of, or even note, but as i have spent some of my little adults spring break staycation reflecting on what comes next, it was just something that i realized happened to coincide with my life. it all just lines up beautifully, actually. the ending of the first fourth of the year and the ending of this crazy phase of changes in my life.
so, it’s time for me to pause + ponder + process.
what i haven’t had time for during these past three months is blogging, photography, and life coaching. these things, these core things that have been a part of my everyday life for years, were no longer daily activities for me. suddenly, those things that i thought defined me in some way, my way of inspiring, were not things i was really actively engaged in.
and, you wanna know a secret? i’m a bit confused about how life is without them. what does it mean that i missed them, but didn’t prioritize them? did i really miss them? have i been focusing on the wrong things? should i be doing something else? aren’t these the core things that make me me?
i did miss writing and blogging and taking photos. and i missed working on my life coaching – i missed getting started on it. and i even missed an entire week of classes/training because we were moving.
but, i’m not sure if i miss then because i am just used to them. like they have become a habit. these things that i thought i was “supposed” to do because that was who i was.
i did, however, realize that i was definitely stressed out from not getting a chance to blog, write, photograph, or get my coaching off the ground as much as i have. so, was i missing them or not? i don’t really know. and perhaps it doesn’t even really matter. i marked that these things were not a part of my everyday life. and, that in itself is a big deal.
however, instead of doing those things, i was living. like, really living. in the present. active in my life. and what i did hold on to tightly was my morning meditation. oh, how that daily ritual renews and grounds me.
i did empty without my creative outlets, like a part of my soul was missing. and, it eventually became clear to me, that these creative outlets of mine are, indeed, part of who i am and who i want to be. they are not just something i do. but, they make my soul sing. they make me slow down + feel alive. they are my own form of spirituality. but, they do not define me. they do not make me, me.
all that said, i know that i’ve needed this time away from these things i love. it was time for an unexpected, unplanned, unwelcome break from them. i needed to step away so that perhaps new life could be breathed into my writing, photography, and life coaching. i needed to separate who i am from what i do.
and that all feels well and good. but, now, i don’t know where to go with it all. it feels like my time away from these creative outlets, these things that i do to try to inspire myself + others, has left me wondering how to begin again. everything feels different. i feel different.
the thing is, i have no idea what comes next.
i absolutely feel like this very intense transition time of new beginnings and major life changes is coming to an end. i am certain from deep within my soul that i am embracing a new path in my journey, that a new time, even a new era, is beginning in my life. all of these activities that i love will most definitely be a part of the upcoming journey, but i have no idea how.
i see nothing out in front of me. i feel no nudges or whispers. i have no plans or ideas or expectations about anything. and i am totally ok with that.
all of my tomorrows are a blank slate. a wide, open road, laid out before me. there is no destination, only the journey. and that feels 100% right.
i expect that, as time passes, it will all begin to unfold. that i will begin to understand what comes next. but, for now, i am clueless. and it’s fine with me to just live from day to day. completely enraptured and enchanted by my present moments.
right now, the blank slate in front of me just is. i’m not overly emotional about it in any way. i’m definitely not scared or apprehensive. but, i’m also not overly excited or energetic. instead, i am in a place of acceptance, calm, peace, and balance. it’s not without emotion, but it is a place of neutrality, strength, equanimity.
perhaps these are the things that i learned during the 1st quarter of 2016: balance in january, as i began a new job + a new way of living. acceptance + surrender in february, as i had no control over any situation connected to our insane process of moving, and calm, quiet solitude for the first month in our new home in march, as we had no real connection to the outside world (except work).
yes, these lessons have served me well. it has not been an easy process to learn them, but now that i am through it, i can see how worthy this journey has been, how much i have been transformed by this bumpy, uncomfortable, crazy ride.
i cannot even imagine what the rest of 2016 has in store for me. i’m curious, of course. but, more than that, i just simply am. present. alive. grateful. and grounded. and focused on here and now.
so, if you find yourself standing in the present moment with no idea of what comes next. don’t try to figure it out. just let it be. breathe in deep. look back over all that you have been through and see how it has gotten you to this place. and then, just breathe it all in. all will be fine. all will be well. and you will continue to grow into who you are created to be.
love to you lovelies. xoxo. liz