i’m pissed. at the universe. just when i truly was feeling that the energy around me was all about settling in, life threw me one of those unexpected curve balls last night when i got home.
i came in and i saw immediately that my love was upset. a friend, who had been hanging out with her, was on her way out. and then lina said it..
we have to move out by march 15.
we love this apartment. we knew that our contract was for only a year, but we had already been discussing with the owner extending our contract for another year. so, we were all working on that. but, for personal reasons, the owner needs to move back in.
i truly thought that i had been reading the energy around me as a time to begin to settle in. there are changes happening with lina and her treatment, my new job, my continued life coach training, but other than that, it was all about living and being and creating. really digging into our life here, the base that we have slowly built through a beautiful, yet turbulent 2015.
apparently, i’ve been reading it all wrong.
so, we’re on the hunt again. exactly one year after moving to uppsala, feeling totally out of sorts and completely unbalanced, we created a sense of balance, a life, a home. and now, after deciding to focus on settling + building up what we have created, we are being shaken. change has landed on our doorstep and has told us that we must find a new space to call home.
so, i’m pissed. because this is not how i planned it.
at the same time, i am fully aware that this is life. this is exactly that brave thing i was talking about on monday. spiritually speaking, it’s times like these that force me to choose how i want to live my life. do i intend to live life from my center, from that stable, grounded, inspired place? or do i cave to the pressures of change, insecurity, and fear?
perhaps, i had no idea what my intention was all throughout january. perhaps my intention was actually deciding how i wish to live my life. how authentic and real and grounded i really want my life to be. and, perhaps, this energy around me really has been about settling in. but, not settling into my external life: home, job, etc. but,instead, about settling into the person who i have become, the life that i have now committed to living. perhaps it really is about settling into a slow, meaningful life. in the most authentic way i can in the midst of every life – even the unexpected moments.
but, right now, i am still pissed.