ok. truth time.
it’s monday. it’s cold. but the sun is shining. and i am weary. not tired or sleepy. but weary. mentally. march has barely started, and i’m feeling uneasy & anxious. i have some kind of ominous feeling about this month. it feels heavy. long. a bit frightening.
it’s true that i feel a little anxiety because i will be working full-time for the first time in almost 3 years starting tomorrow. but i will tackle each thing as it comes, and it’ll be fine. i know that. i’m not too worried about work. it’s the full-time work in combination with everything else in life. there’s a lot of other stuff on my mind too, regarding moving to the states, upcoming trips, my love, my family in the states. i feel quite stable in some ways, and yet disconnected from myself in other ways. but i am worried and concerned more about others than myself. and i wonder how everything will come together in the end… yeah. right now, i want to skip over march. i want to skip over the tough days and move directly into the light. just being honest, y’all.
i am fully aware that what i am experiencing is what we know as the valley parts of the journey. when i think about my journey photo challenge this month, it is a perfect symbol of exactly how i feel… like i’m traveling from darkness to light. like march is some kind of crazy tough transition month for me, chocked full of activities, work, and worries. and when i make it to the other side of march, something inside of me will be set free. but, for today, that feels like an eternity away.
however, in the middle of all of my uncertainties, i must find a way to keep journeying. to keep moving foward day by day. because, let’s face it. it’s not possible to skip ahead. so, for me, i gotta make space for some quiet time to myself. time to turn inward. to listen. to just be & breathe. if i don’t do that, i won’t make it. i will not find myself balanced enough that i can take care of myself and be of any help to others. i also must remember to live life… to find those moments, places, people, things that stir my soul and remind me that this is all part of the journey. the dark and the light. and every day, every step contains a tiny sliver of light somewhere.
so, “i choose to inhabit my days”(inspiration from Dawna Markova). to breathe through the tough, overwhelming moments and to laugh & dance through the joyful ones. to live in the here & now, even if it’s uncomfortable. besides, today is all i’ve got, right?
* all photos taken on sunday in norrköping. a reminder to me that spring will come. there is still hope.