’twas the night before t-giving, and i was a mess.

it’s thanksgiving eve, and i’m gonna get all my whining & bitching out now. i want to be free of it come tomorrow. for me, tomorrow is all about giving thanks. no matter where i am.

anyway… i woke this morning by the meowing & pawing of a cat in my face. it was 30 minutes before my alarm was supposed to ring. can you say, frustration? i decided not to fight it, and got up to make a pot of coffee. i snapped a few morning sunrise pictures while the coffee brewed and readied my mug. the cat purred at my feet as i poured my piping hot coffee, and then she trotted into the living room with me. i lit candles and sat down. ready for my first sip. i needed that first sip. badly. something felt off. weird. like i wasn’t connected to myself or the world or anything. i felt as if i was existing on some other plane. it wasn’t anything supernatural, just weird. like perhaps i was sleep walking…

sip. sip. ugh. my coffee sucked. big time. and my coffee never sucks. i confess that i am a pretty awesome coffee maker, and i have been approved as a master of swedish coffee by a few different swedes. but, this mug was terrible. eek. i drank it anyway though. yes, i was desperate.

i planned on getting things done during the next hour before i was off to work, but that didn’t happen. the time just flew by & before i knew it, it was time for me to grab some breakfast and run out the door. and run i did.

since i was feeling so weirdish, i decided to take a completely different way to work this morning. i walked through the square behind our apartment, through the parking lot, and right through the middle of wednesday market that was set up there. i wondered when they’d be putting up the giant christmas tree in the square as i walked (amazingly, my love told me that when she walked through the square about 5 hours later, saw that the tree was up!). i passed the old school where i learned swedish, and headed on my way.

when i arrived at work, at the church, i reached into my pocket to grab my keys. you guessed it. not there. for real. i called up to the office and they buzzed me in. i climbed the winding, spiral staircase to the offices and went straight into the room where we meet for our morning gathering. well i couldn’t get into my office, so i really had no choice i guess. i explained to the ladies how my morning had been and we all had a good laugh. we began catching up (we only get together on wednesday mornings), and things seemed to calm down. still i couldn’t explain what had been going on with me.

i didn’t feel tired. i wasn’t really worried today. i wasn’t angry. sick. or anything else.

and then, i realized what it was… tomorrow is thanksgiving. and this ex-pat is homesick.

yes, we’re gonna have our third annual thanksgiving dinner here, but it’s not until next weekend (dec. 1 – that in itself feels weird). i am working this weekend. and while it’ll be fun no matter when it is, it just isn’t the same when no body else is doing it. it feels weird when the whole society is not wrapped up in turkey talk, football, and the macy’s thanksgiving day parade. i’m working tomorrow too. and i have a meeting in the evening, so i can’t even watch the parade online since i’ll be in a meeting. it just feels weird. and i want to be home in the states. i want to enjoy this simple, cozy day there and kick off the holiday season in the way i’ve done it my whole life (except for the past 2 years). i know. i’m whining. remember, i warned you.

but, it ain’t gonna happen. and i ain’t gonna complain anymore. nope. i am going to have some moments of depression & sadness throughout the day tomorrow, but i’m not gonna dwell on that. i’m gonna try not to. instead, i’m gonna focus on my day here & try to forget that it’s thanksgiving. i have to. it feels so weird. ok. maybe that’s not a good plan. there’s no way i will be able to forget that its thanksgiving unless i fast from all social media and american news. and that ain’t gonna happen either, even if all the pictures & status updates are killing me… well, i’ll just bombard everyone with my pictures next weekend. hehe.

so, that’s what was wrong with me today. my emotions were causing my brain to freak out. but, i’m all better now. truly. i don’t feel like i’m having some out of body experience any more.

oh, and there is one more thing… even though i am missing thanksgiving (and i would give anything to be in the states tomorrow), i still have christmas. oh yeah. and in just over three weeks, my love & i are heading to the states for a month!!! and we’ll be there a whole week before christmas, so there are tons of traditional holiday things we will be able to celebrate – american style. can’t wait!

ok. i’ve got all that out of my system now. it’s written down & i release it from my brain. tomorrow i will enjoy my day, come what may. tomorrow i will focus on all that i am thankful for, even if i am not sitting around a table with turkey & stuffing on it. oh, i have so much for which i am thankful. and i will know that christmas celebrations (in sweden & in the states) are literally just around the corner. yippee!

so, my dear readers… here’s to wishing you a very blessed thursday. and to all you americans, a fabulous turkey day with tons of yummy food, a tryptophan coma, and good luck (if you tackle the crowds on black friday).

gobble gobble. peace.