the spirit of the journey.

plant

plant

i believe that i am a patient person in many ways. patient and accepting of others. but, when it comes to processes… not. so. much. at least not right now in life. my love & i have this thing about hating the process, we talk about the process of brushing our teeth before going to bed, of walking to work, filling in forms, of waiting for answers… so, perhaps i don’t mind the process, it’s the waiting that i hate. when i know i want something, then i want it. like this whole moving thing… i am thankful to get to spend spring in sweden (hoping that it turns out to be a beautiful spring. so far, not so great), but on the other hand, i just want to get this moving thing underway. i’m ready to move on.

yeah, i’m not so good at letting things take their course. every morning i find myself talking to the trees. begging them to please just show me a few little buds, something, anything,  to let me know that they will have some leaves eventually. right now, it’s hard to believe.

and any learning process, any personal growth. forget it. i just wanna hop right to the lesson to be learned. i don’t wanna put up with the shit, the tough times, the hard challenges.

and paperwork. applications. job-searching. apartment hunting/waiting. i don’t want any part of it. nope. just get me the job. move me into my new apartment. and let me get started on my new way of life.

and yet, i know that without the journey, without the process, i will miss out on life. so do i really want to skip over everything? it’s like that quote or saying that i’ve heard somewhere about life being the stuff that happens in the middle. it’s not the dates of when we were born and when we die, but what we fill our days with. if i skip over the processes, the day to day living, and skip right to the end, then i’ve missed out. big time.

think about taking an airplane on a trip. it’s like magic. i get on a plane in one country, sit for some hours, get off in another… with totally different cultures, climate, and people. and while i love that air travel gets me to far away places quickly, i love road trips way more. i love getting in a car (especially when i’m driving) and discovering something new, or taking  unplanned roads all along the way. the road trip becomes the destination. the whole journey is the way. it’s not only about the beginning and the end, but about every curve, diner, landmark, mountain, valley, desert, motel, person, picnic, photo opportunity, and random stop all along the way.

explore
photos from pinterest

so, since i’m such a lover of road trips, surely i can take that spirit of adventure with me into every aspect of my life right now. surely i can calm my soul enough to center myself, breathe deeply, and trust the process. let everything take it’s time. to be a calm, sturdy, secure, grounded, person filled with peace that spreads to everyone i meet…. that’s what i really want. besides, the process is the adventure of my every day life… and i certainly do not want to miss out on anything.

breathe deep. and trust with me. peace.

all shall be well.

“all shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Julian of Norwich

peace.

23: technology.

my first apple. still using it.by the way, check the time. now look how bright it is outside. crazy sweden.

with technology, we always think about moving forward. progressing. everything getting better. faster. thinner. sleeker. cooler. smarter. and to be honest, that is what happens with technology. it gets “better” with time. it improves. i mean, when i was in college/university blah-blah years ago, we only had 1 computer lab. we had to sign up for a time to use one of the schools 10 computers if we wanted to have our papers typed, not hand-written. true story. i had a word processor in my dorm room. do some of you even know what that is? it’s a fancy typewriter that had a 3 inch screen that showed what i was typing on the paper that came out the back as i typed it. yep. and then, my cell phone. it was in a bag, and it sat on the floor between the 2 front seats. i plugged it into the cigarette lighter and it was only possible to use when riding in the car. it was a car phone. there were no real cell phones. i listened to cassette tapes & eventually had a crapload of cds in my car, all over the floor. in order to change the cd, i needed to stop at a stoplight or pull over, since it required so much effort to find a cd, take it out of it’s case, & insert it into the cd player. oh, and don’t even get me started on the internet. it was just being introduced to the public. i remember some conversation with an old boyfriend about email accounts. he had set up one (he was always on the cutting edge. still is.) and i had not idea what the hell he was talking about. why would i need an email? couldn’t i just call people? or visit them? (i had the same battle with texting some years later. hehe.)

so, in a rather short amount of time things have changed drastically. for the better? well, yes, i think. although, i could name a few negatives too. but, i’m not gonna do that in this post. in this post i’m admitting that i’m a techie junkie. there i said it. lina & i want the newest things. these things are fun & exciting, but smart & practical in many ways also. they make things work better, make life easier, allow us to communicate & keep in touch better. yes, yes, they’re expensive too. generally. but, we save our money & decide to spend it on these kinds of fun things, instead of buying new & expensive clothes, shoes, bags, etc. all the time. it’s our choice. and we choose to invest in cool, new, up-to-date technical things. yep. we’re  little bit nerdy in this way. and perhaps a little materialistic too?

however, today as i’ve been thinking about technology & all the great things it has done, i thought in general about moving forward. is it always good to be pushy & move forward? always anxiously waiting for the next great thing. is it good to always be so eager to progress? perhaps the desire to progress and move forward at warp speed is a symptom of desiring to be in control. at least it is for me, in some ways, i think. i want things to move on, to what i want them to be. and i always associate moving forward with being better. i want things done in my way, in my time. therefore, i want control over the situation. i suck at backing off & letting things be. but, perhaps i need to slow down. to accept & take things as they come. things will progress. that’s natural. but, perhaps sometimes i need to back off and stop trying to control the progression. just let it be. let things take the time they need to take. and while it’s taking it’s time, try to be aware of what’s actually happening now, how i’m feeling now, instead of always missing the now because of wishing/hoping for what comes next. besides i can’t get to “then” without experiencing “now”. i need today. and won’t i be a better person for living for today instead of always looking toward tomorrow?

in other words, wait. trust. hope. live.

it’s a fine balance, being proactive with our dreams, hopes, and futures… and waiting, letting things take their own sweet time, letting life unfold, trusting the process. life moves so fast anyway. why would i want to be in a hurry? i’d be missing out on so much.

here’s to all of us finding the courage & strength to back off a little bit. to slow down. to let time do it’s thing. here’s to trusting that, in time, we will all feel peace.